02. what2do

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"T-They're.. beautiful. Are they yours?"

I clear my throat, my eyes looking anywhere but Namjoon who was looking straight at me. Through his burning stare, I smirk, tossing the petunia petal into the trash can. Glancing at him, I receive a look of concern, but I shrug my shoulders.

They always pity me. The ones who have soulmates. 

"Yeah, they are, why?" 

He shoves his hands into his pockets and I walk past him, entering into my room as I feel him follow me. Turning around abruptly, he stops in his tracks.

"Nothing, I just"

"You just feel bad for me," I mutter, scoffing, "you don't have to be, unless you want to be like the rest of them."

"Taehyung-ah, since when did you find out"

"Does it matter to you?" 

He falls silent, and I laugh bitterly. 

The ones who have soulmates are the only ones who pity me, but that's only because they never knew how it felt to find out you're rejected by your own supposed soulmate whether you've already met them or not. They don't know how it felt to flush down beautiful flower petals, so beautiful and yet, they'll soon be the reason why you've suddenly stopped feeling love, and desiring love from someone.

"Yes, you're my brother"

"It wouldn't matter to you because you have a soulmate. And me?" I sigh, "I'll always be that stupid glitch that shouldn't exist in this world because I belong to no one."

"When did you find out?"

"Didn't I say that it doesn't matter to you? It wouldn't matter to you because no one will ever fall in love with me, I'm a nobody."

"Who is she?" 

I fall silent, my throat running dry. He just stands there, but it's almost as if he sees me start to break down, crumble up into pieces that resemble the broken pieces of my heart. It doesn't feel great to feel like you're small, and it doesn't feel great to know that you'll be empty forever. But it's always your desire to be loved by somebody that you love yourself that keeps you on your two feet.

"Get out."

I glance at him, grabbing my door and slamming it shut. He sighs on the other side, and I hear his footsteps grow farther and farther. 

❀ ❀❀    


"I have to find him, even though it'll cause my own desire to love to vanish and probably dissipate into the air― whatever my doctor said."

Jungkook fiddles with his straw, his eyebrows knitted together, almost as if he's trying to figure out how to solve my own problem. He purses his lips into a line and glances at me with an apologetic look.

"Sorry, the world's pretty big, it's not giving me motivation to find the source of your disease. And what's the point? You're going to eventually stop loving him anyways, whoever he is."

"He's probably a dickhead too."

"Do you think he has a soulmate?"

I look at him, nodding my head.

"He should. I mean, that's the reason why I'm throwing up these stupid petals for."

"Will you ever tell him that you're throwing up petals because of him? Or are you just going to say hi, maybe become friends, then just be like that forever?"

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