All Of Me | A Jily Love Story

Chapter Twenty Two: My Lily

This morning, in the town of Dublin -

James exhaled sharply, leaning down to rest his forehead against Lily's ghostly pale arm.
"If only you knew how in love with you I am, Lily." He whispered against her skin, sniffling slightly. He sat there for many moments before pulling away. James leant in to hover above her face, caressing her cheekbone with his thumb and brushing away a stray hair. James pressed his lips to her forehead gently, letting a single tear slide down his cheek. He removed himself from the wooden rickety chair, gazing into Lily's sweet face for a single moment - before turning on his heel and trooping out of the cold empty room, his head hung low.

...

- JAMES -

I didn't have words to describe the impact of the physical and mental pain I was feeling.
The several inch deep wound embedded into Lily's abdomen might as well have pierced my own heart.
The love of my life was almost murdered before my eyes.
She was transported to the hospital wing, bleeding profusely with the high chance of meeting her end. McGonagall had naturally done her best to calm us down, but gave up when we saw that even Dumbledore was slightly panicked. The world was too bad a place to exist without Lily Evans; the mere thought of it was unfathomable.
The afternoon sun flared - seeping  into the clouds, creating a swirling, fiery colour of deep orange. Unable to stop the shaking that racked my very bones, I'd stared down at the spot where she had been tortured. Where Lily Evans had been put under the worst pain you could possibly experience. Think of all the forms of torture that you can imagine; crucification, disembowelment, evisceration. Anything. Take them all, think about how agonising they would be - and combine them. That...that is the cruciatus curse.
This very thought alone was enough to make any man or woman cringe into their homes. But this had happen to Lily.
My Lily.
Her blood stained the street, like spilt paint. I  stared at it for several silent moments, before vanishing it altogether. Reality was inconceivable. Lily lay on a stretcher, inches close to - I couldn't even think the word. But she was close. She was far, far too close.
Here we were, standing. Uninjured. Unscathed. Privileged. How was that fair? Who decided that this was to happen? Any God in the sky was morally corrupt, if these were the plans that he brewed. Lily....Lily. Why Lily?
The six of us slammed the hospital wing doors open ten minutes later, skidding to a halt at the entrance to the vast room. I felt all of the blood drain from my face at the sight of her scarlet stained overalls lying upon the stone floor. I sensed Marlene clutch on to Sirius's arm like a lifeline, but I didn't see it. I didn't see anything.
"McKinnon! Potter, Black -"
A vague pressure shoved against my chest, but I barely noticed.
"You cannot be in here - Lupin, get them out, at once -"
A second, firmer force yanked on my arm. I remained oblivious to whoever they were.
Lily was bathed in the evening sunlight that streamed through the wide windows. She lay upon the stretcher, so terrifyingly still. So, so small. Fragile. The exact opposite of what Lily Evans had always been.
"James, please - listen to me -"
"You need to get these children OUT of here, Minerva!" 
A soundless ringing echoed through my eardrums, creating a barrier between myself and the rest of the world. I remained oblivious to the blur of people surrounding me. That was, until, the doors suddenly swung open. I turned my head, as if in slow motion, my heart beat thundering in my ears like a drum. In came a short, stubby man wearing ministry official robes. I watched as he roughly pushed a hysterical Marlene out his his way, shoving something in Pomfrey's face and began to attack the scene with bright flashes and loud, echoing clicks.
Unable to see anything but Lily's body rapidly emptying itself of blood, I roared at the man and yanked him up by the collar, slamming him against the nearest wall. The Daily Prophet photographer choked in surprise, spitting a string of profanities in my face as I quite literally threw him from the room without another photograph. No one scolded me - Pomfrey even even went as far as to praise my actions. I didn't give a shit if that was something to be punished for. A millionth detention added to my record, what's the harm. All I could feel was a bubbling, boiling rage that consumed the very whole of my being from the lack of respect that he'd represented. There was someone dying, and all he was concerned about was getting payed.
Marlene had collapsed to her knees, her hands clenched in a praying position. Tears streamed from her eyes as she rocked back and forth.
I stumbled backwards, a single tear sliding down my cheek as I watched Madam Pomfrey wave her wand in swift movements, stitching the body that I loved back together. Sirius and Remus were trying to pull Marlene to her feet, their faces contorted with anguished pain, eyes glistening with the tears they tried so hard to hold in. I merely stood, gazing over them as though the world was tipping upside down. I dragged my gaze to Alice and Mary, who were crying into eachother's shoulders. Frank stood mere feet away, his face significantly pale with one palm pressed up against the wall as though he couldn't trust his own two feet to hold him.
My chest ached, as if I'd been winded with the force of a concrete slab. Lily was fading, and all I did was stand still.
Wrenching my eyes back to her rapidly paling body, I watched Madam Pomfrey's wand fly at lightening speed. She murmured unintelligible spells underneath her breath, her eyes clenched shut and stable, blood stained hands hovering over her bleeding stomach. I knew in that moment that Madam Pomfrey would fight tooth and nail with every single thing left in her to keep Lily alive. And for a split second, I had faith. Before -
Dumbledore came bursting into the room with a deafening bang, shoving me into the wall with a firm hand.
"Who let you inside?" He whispered as my head spun in endless circles.
"Albus - " For the first time, I truly saw McGonagall. She gestured a trembling hand to the six of us, shaking her head. "They sprinted in here, I couldn't  - "
"Albus," Pomfrey gasped, her eyes snapping open. Dumbledore's head turned to her in alert. "These children need to leave. Now."
My heart lurched with a jolt of terror as I followed Dumbledore's stare. For the first time in my seven years of being around Madam. Pomfrey, I could honestly admit that she looked frightened.
As soon as it had come, my hope vanished.
The Matron continued, averting her gaze back to Lily's shuddering chest. Her breathing was rasping, a spurt of blood now dripping from her lips.
"NOW, Albus - I need to strip her down, she's leaving me -"
Without a second to protest, we were thrown from the wing. We gave in against the steel arms that bound us, letting them herd us from the cold space, too shocked to know how to respond.
I reached out a useless, trembling hand, as if I could let her know that she would be alright, as if I could hold her -
The hospital wing doors slammed close inches from our faces. It echoed through the empty hallway like a gunshot, robbing the restricted air from my lungs. We stood in silence for what seemed like years. Staring at the walls, the ceiling, the floor. Standing. Staring. Waiting. Praying. Hoping. Not knowing what to do with ourselves. Not knowing who would leave that room. Not knowing anything at all.
After what must have been ten minutes of this unbearable torture, or perhaps it was hours, I sniffed loudly into the cold night air. After hastily wiping the stray tears from my face, I silently turned on my heels. Without glancing back at the gaunt, empty faces that turned to me, I walked. I walked aimlessly  down the corridor, my feet the only thing keeping me going. Right, left, right, left.
I was in shock.
My bones felt as heavy as lead, my mind spinning with endless possibilities. I couldn't make sense of it all. What would I do, while waiting? What was the point of living, when she's not here? It didn't seem right that I continue on with my night, as if it were any old school day - continue doing normal things while Lily...dies. On a stretcher.
How do you..absorb that? How do you live? Do I lie in bed alone, unable to fall asleep? Do I cry? Do I talk to someone? I didn't understand. It hurt to much. Too much to think.
As I walked like a zombie, right left, right left -  someone's brittle grip latched onto my left arm. The hand was small, but clenching down so hard that I wouldn't be surprised if it left marks the next day. My feet instinctively halted, my body tensing up. How does one speak? What did it matter anymore?
I turned my head a fraction of an inch, glancing down to find myself staring right into Marlene's shining hazel eyes. Her face was swollen and blotchy, an endless waterfall of tears flowing down her cheeks. Her nails dug firmly into my wrist as the unbearable burning in my eyes reignited. I glanced up to the ceiling, wiping at my face.
"James," Her plea was a whisper, deafeningly loud in this vast empty corridor. Her words hung in the air, waiting for my nonexistent reply. Marlene let go of her grip on my wrist, sliding her trembling hands around around my torso and squeezing me tightly. My body tensed up at her touch, freezing so helplessly as we had been in that dreaded square. Her frame shook against my chest as I stared down at the top of her head, a frown creasing between my eyebrows. I closed my eyes, concentrating on my breathing. The steady contraction of my diaphragm, the feeling of my lungs filling up with oxygen.
It's Marlene. A little voice murmured in the back of my mind. I took a deep shuddering breath, focussing all my attention on my senses. I could feel her warmth as she wrapped herself around me, unsure if she could stand any longer without the support of another. I could feel her shaking, her quiet sobs vibrating against the crook of my neck. Marlene was breaking. And she needed me.
You're broken, James. The voice said. You need her.
My muscles abruptly slackened, and I felt myself noticeably slump in her arms. I gasped as the tears began to fall upon her hair like raindrops, my hands trembling as if there was an earthquake exploding beneath my flesh. Instinct overtook me and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling Marlene into my chest. I hugged her so close, so tight, in the hopes that I could hold all of her pieces together. To let her know that I was here. I was here, and just as broken.
She sobbed into my chest at my response, a domino effect occurring and causing my body to mock hers. My chest shook with a relapse of sobs as I rest my cheek against her forehead, a hand sliding to her hair in comfort.
Marlene needed the support as much as I did - more even. Much, much more.
"Listen to me, James. She'll be okay." Marlene choked out, gripping me firmly. "We can d-do this."
Lily Evan's heart stopped beating for exactly 3.89 seconds that night.
The very worst 3.89 seconds of my miserable life.