Status: On-Screen

9. Decline

Zara Costanza

I wore black joggers with a white hoodie that had white drawstrings at the front. I wore dark sunglasses as well to not be noticed by too many people. I got a ride to a local coffee shop where I was meeting Gina, my manager.

I feel excited to see her, but each time I meet with her, some sort of pit began to form in my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I love Gina. She's like a second mom to me. But, every time I meet with her, she bears news regarding fame. And like most moms, she's a great lecturer, especially on how I should get more publicity, and constantly tells me how to cope with fame. 

I've kept my dislike for fame mainly to myself, but I had to explain myself to Gina. After all, at the end of the day, part of her job is to essentially get my name and face on billboards and posters. 

When she arrived at the coffee shop, she looked exactly the same, in fact, she seemed quite happy. She quickly approached me.

"Hey, Zar! I've missed you so much, happy birthday!" She said, hugging me. She then handed me a small bag. "I picked this up a few weeks ago. Open it up when you get home, alright?"

I smiled, "Oh my gosh, Gina, you really didn't have to. Thank you so much. I've missed you a ton! I can't believe it's been this long!"

"I know, I know. I've got great news! But first, tell me how shooting is going for the movie," she said excitedly.

I began to tell her everything that was going on. At the right moments, she would make a comment or laugh.

After I finished, I asked Gina what she so desperately had to tell me.

She took a deep breath and pulled out a huge file full of papers from her purse. "Okay, before I get into other details, I want you to keep this in mind... Zara, your reputation to the media, to the world, is seriously unharmed. You finished school and you didn't drop out of high school. You've never been in a bad scandal and on top of it all, you haven't turned out to be the corrupted child star. You've remained you."

I stared at the intimidating large stack of papers in front of me. It was put in a file so I couldn't see the front page, but I had an idea of where this might be going.

"These are only a few of the reasons as to why Disney contacted me."

My jaw dropped. "D-Disney? L-Like the one that has all of the princesses and all that?" I asked excitedly and in awe. But there was something inside of me that made the pit in my stomach grow even larger.

"Yes," Gina answered excitedly. "They want you in one of their upcoming live-action films! They didn't say which princess they want you to play yet, but for sure they want you in one. They literally sent a letter all about you and how you're perfect for the role."

She pushed the overflowing file towards me. My expression began to change from being very happy to serious. I seriously began contemplating whether or not I wanted the role.

I opened up the file. The sheet on top was a letter. Gina was not joking. I glanced at the paper and I already saw words like admirable, role model, and idol. After seeing those words, my first instinct was to not read it.

"Zara. Zara," said Gina, catching my eye. "This is huge. You do know that all of your hard work for the past few years is really paying off now. This would be great for your career. What do you think?" she asked smiling widely.

Before I knew it, my mind had spoken before I even considered what to say, "No," I answered while frowning, feeling guilty and terrible all around.

Gina looked like someone had just broken her heart, "Wh-what do you mean? Zara, this is a huge opportunity-"

I took a deep breath. "Gina, you know I seriously, seriously, do appreciate this. I mean, you're totally right. But by just glancing at the first paragraph, they're boasting about how kind and sweet I am. But I can't do this. It's too pressurizing and I don't think that I could have kids with their cute large eyes staring at me like I seriously am a princess."

"Zara, you'd be crazy not to take this opportunity, it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing to be a Disney princess," said Gina. She sounded like she was hurt that I didn't accept so quickly.

I began to feel extremely overwhelmed. "That is why I can't do it. When I walked into the movie theatre to see Beauty and the Beast, there were little girls dressed up as Belle. And now, they probably are convinced that Emma Watson is an actual princess. And you know how much pressure there is to be a Disney princess? These responsibilities? All of these kids look up to you, and then one day you slip up and say something you didn't mean to say in an interview or the media finds out you're not vegan... then the entire media turns against you and you have to deal with family, friends, and your audience being angry at you. It's pressurizing, scary, and don't even get me started on the press... you already know how I feel about fame."

Gina gave me a look of support yet a disappointment. "The thing is, you're not going to do that, Zara. It's you as a person all around. This is why Disney choose you out of everyone else."

I frowned even more. "Okay, but... I get drunk over three beers. One day, the paparazzi could find me all drunk after four or maybe five beers. And on top of being a part of some huge movie is that I'll basically have to hide in my apartment until it's out of the theatre. And I'm not ready for people with cameras chasing me around everywhere I go. You know I truly-truly don't like-"

"Being famous," Gina finished. "I know that, Zara. But you have to somehow get over it. You're a movie star. Your work is already admired and people already know who you are."

I put my face in my hands. "My point is, people don't follow me around yet. Sure, if I'm wandering around with Tom or Zendaya then they'll follow me, but when I'm alone, no one follows me. I'm not huge like Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston, and I don't want to be."

Gina sat back in her chair. "Once Spider-Man comes out, your life is going to change. If you do the Disney movie or not, there is always going to be paparazzi following you. Zara, it's a part of your career. If you don't think that you can handle the fame, then maybe acting isn't the career for you."

I frowned. It sounded harsh. It was probably the harshest, if not, one of the harshest things that Gina had ever said to me. And I hated that Gina was right. If I didn't accept big roles, my career would be going nowhere. But a voice in my head always taunted me about the pressure that I was going to eventually receive.

"I auditioned for Zoey Fields in this movie because it's not a huge role. Even during the audition, I knew I was taking my chances. I took on the role in Spy Kids and Grey's as well because they were all small roles. Now, you're asking me to be the lead star in this Disney movie. I love acting. And I give it my all in every movie or tv show that I'm in. But doing this huge Disney movie means that I'll be on-set every day. And it's so much responsibility and pressure that I'm just not ready to handle. I just turned 20, Gina. I can't handle all of this because I know my capabilities and I'm not ready. I'm sorry, but I don't want to do this."

Gina didn't say anything for a few minutes. Neither of us did.

I checked my phone, "I have to go and shoot, now. I'll call you later," I began to gather my things and stood up from our table.

Gina took a sip of her coffee, "Zara, please. Think about it."