A Nightmare's Fate

Moving On

Chapter Fifty-seven: Moving On

“So what are you going to do?” Jessie questions as we sit on her couch, eating noodles and watching some show on TV.

I shrug. “Don’t know. I can’t keep living with you and Periwinkle and I need to get a job somehow,” I say. “I can’t believe it’s been three weeks and forty jobs have already turned me down. I hate being an adult!”

She laughs and says, “Everyone hates being an adult. Did you think it would be easy?”

“Ugh, I don’t know. I know everyone wants to be an adult when they’re teens, but then it just goes downhill after the age of eighteen. Life sucks—”

“—and then you die.” She chuckles, hiding it by covering her mouth with her hand. “Raven, I know you want to leave New York, but it looks like it won’t happen,” she announces.

I glare at her, as if she said something completely crazy. “Well don’t curse me!” It’s annoying how everyone wants me to stay but they know I can’t. “No matter how many times you and Periwinkle try to keep me here, it won’t happen. Accept the fact that I’m leaving in two days, please.”

“I can’t believe you,” she says, her brows furrowing. “You think we are trying to keep you? Maybe you should think again, Ray. We want what is best for you, even if it means you leaving us, even if it means we cry and hurt over missing you. But we will support and encourage you to do whatever you desire.”

I smile a sad yet happy smile. I then say, “I love you.”

Her lips curves into a grin and pats my hand. “I love you, too.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Sweetie, how are you going to come over without any money?” my mother says through the phone. As I sit on the end of the bed, overlooking Jessie’s guest bedroom, I try to come up with the perfect answer.

“Periwinkle and Jessie said that they will help me by pitching in some money,” I say sadly. I hate the feeling of allowing my own friends to help me; it makes me feel like I’m helpless and basically, I am.

“You can’t always have your friends help you and I’m surprised that they have pitched in so much,” she continues on.

I sigh. “Yup, I know.”

“How ‘bout this . . . they keep the money and I’ll pay for you to come?”

I think for a moment, but before I am able to say anything, she begins again.

“That is, if they haven’t given you anything?” I’m at least thankful that my mother is trying, especially since we haven’t exactly been there for each other for the past couple of years.

Yawning, I say, “Well . . . they haven’t given me anything yet because we’re waiting until tomorrow. The only thing they gave me is a full tank of gas, but that’s about it. But, if you really want—”

“I do want to help you; after all, you are my child.”

“Okay, well, I gotta let you go since it’s late. Have to get sleep for the road,” I say.

“All right,” she agrees. “I love you.”

“Love you,” I say with a smile and hang up the phone.

When I’m off, I put whatever is left inside the bags and suitcases. When finished, I go into the living room where Jessie stands in the kitchen making dinner.

“So how’s your mother?” she asks, a grin rising on her face but she doesn’t look at me long as she stays focused on her cooking.

I shrug and sit on the nearest stool in the kitchen. “She’s good; can’t wait to see me.” My brows arch and my lips purse as if I’m not very excited to see her. I am, but something just makes me express myself differently, like I want to be happy but I don’t feel like it. I am thrilled to leave, I truly am, but it feels like I am too tired to be jumping up and down like a child. Am I too eager? Should I be rethinking this trip?

“What’s wrong?” She stops what she’s doing and clasps her hands together while leaning against the counter.

“I don’t know . . . I think I’m just really tired from all the excitement,” I say with a small smile.

“Then hopefully this will give you a good boost.” Her lips curves upward as she then puts some of the spaghetti into a bowl and hands it to me.

After eating, I head towards the bedroom and fall asleep; in hopes my day goes well.

*~*~*~*~*

Getting out of the shower and in clothing, I come out into the living room and see Periwinkle, Jessie, and Freddy with a banner that says in blue marker: BON VOYAGE. The knowing of how I won’t see my best friends for a while crawls its way into my stomach and the feeling just completely empties me. I don’t know when or how, but tears begin to fall from my eyes and I jog over to each of them and embrace each person in my arms.

“Can’t believe this,” I mumble, wiping a tear from my eye.

“We . . . were going to invite Errik, but we decided not to because he is the reason why you are leaving,” explains Periwinkle. “But we hope that we—”

“You kidding me? Just the three of you is fine! I’m happy you guys are here,” I admit.

“Is it fine?” Jessie asks with her small eyes glossy and appears to be sadder than I have ever expected her to be today. She walks over to me, covering the bottom part of her face from her nose to her chin. “You don’t have to go because of Errik—it is a giant city and I can keep you here and Peri can take you to her house; we can all live happily and, and—”

“But I won’t be happy, Jess,” I say as serious as I can be. I’d like to let tears fall, but they need to realize that I cannot stay here. It’s a place full of dreadful memories and heartbreak, a place where I shouldn’t wander around, trying to look for an excuse to get me recovered. I’m tired of feeling hopeless; of feeling like all I should do is dwell on every single part about my past. I need to move on and it feels like this is the only way. Of course the city is big, but I could just walk to his apartment and hope he’ll take me back, or suggest his restaurant a place to eat so I can just see him around or taste the food he cooks. I need my own life and if that means leaving a place that was home for a while and friends that I can always count on, then I need to do it. “I need a life, something that I am able to get my mind off of Errik and terrible memories.”

            She nods her head, tears spilling out of her eyes and once again, we embrace each other in our arms.

By the time it’s time to go, I wave goodbye and walk into my now tight spaced car, as I get ready to drive to my new home.