A Nightmare's Fate

My Darkest Nights

Chapter Forty-Four: My Darkest Nights

We spend all night outside until sunrise, so when we get back inside, we realize it’s seven O’clock in the morning. “I’m going to get coffee,” I say, not wanting to go to sleep.

            “Rebellious, are we?” He smiles as he comes and embraces me in his arms.

            I nod. “Of course.” He tells me his order and I head out the door. There’s a small coffee shop at the end of the street and I walk my way down there. Once I get inside, I’m greeted with a delicious aroma of coffee and pastry smells. Since I’m the first in line, I place my order. After paying it, I stand by the side to not stand in the way of anyone else who wants to grab something, even though at seven, not a lot of people are coming in.

            The woman behind the counter gives me the two cups of coffee and I thank in return and go back to the apartment.

            Opening and closing the door, I hear Errik in the distance. “Shit,” he says in an aggravated and angry tone.

            “What’s wrong?” I ask and when I do, he turns to me and I can tell he’s about to cry. I put the coffee onto the table and once I do, I get a glimpse of the kitchen table where he’s sitting. He opened the envelope.

            “I didn’t want ya to find out this way,” he continues, standing up.

            I look at him up and down, wondering what’s the problem. “Find out about what?” I’m afraid to ask the question, but I did it anyways.

            He takes the piece of paper from the envelope and gives it to me. As I read, I realize it’s about him being stationed out to Afghanistan. “I’m in the army . . .” he explains.

            “When the hell were you going to tell me this?” I say, angst rising and at the moment, I don’t feel any sadness whatsoever. I just feel rage like everything was a lie.

            “I’ve been meaning to, but after I realized how difficult it felt for you to lose Kenton . . . I just couldn’t . . .” he admits, but all I do is shake my head in disbelief.

            “How could you?” It’s all I can say.

            “I’m sorry,” he continues on. But now it all makes sense—how he knows Kenton and Freddy and the excuse of everything else.

            “So now the secret is out, how do you know Kenton and Freddy?” I ask with no emotion attached to it.

            “We were stationed out in Germany a few times and the last was Afghanistan. . .” he says.

            “So what happened? What made Freddy hate you?”

            It takes a while for Errik to compose himself and for him to finally speak. “Kenton didn’t exactly die right away, he was injured badly. When he was taken off to the clinic we had there, he told me to keep an eye on you—to keep ya safe. Freddy disagreed and didn’t trust me, but Kenton called the shots and I kept my promise. He told me that whatever happens, he’d rather want me to be with you than anyone else or have ya so alone since he knows that you would just be drowning in yer sorrows, wishing he’d be here.”

            What? I don’t know what’s worse . . . the fact that Errik lied to me about everything or the fact that Kenton would do such a thing. How can they do such a thing? I wasn’t there for Kenton in the last remaining time he had, so why couldn’t I be there? I was far away, yes, but before they went out in battle, I could’ve stayed behind in a certain area to wait for him to come back . . .

            What makes me sad though is that Kenton would have a complete stranger—maybe not to him, but to me—watch over me. It isn’t like Errik is my guardian angel! How can they do this? The question repeats in my mind over and over again like it’s never ending.

            The world begins to spin and I try to grasp all the mysteries within it, but it just makes my eyes twirl faster and faster. Before anything else happens, I’m completely dizzy. “Raven,” I hear Errik say but I don’t listen to it. I just feel like too much has been dumped on me; too much information and secrecy. My vision begins to fade and everything becomes black. What felt like seconds after I fainted, the touch of soft hands graze against my skin and as my eyes begin to open up; there is Errik in front of me. His apologetic eyes look into mine but I don’t want to feel sympathy. I don’t want to feel like everything is fine because it isn’t. Nothing is!

            “Get off of me!” I scream and stand up and even though I feel a bit nauseated, I don’t care.

            “I’m sorry,” he says once again.

            “And stop saying sorry,” I order. “It isn’t like you care.”

            “Don’t ya think like that!” he yells. “I do care.”

            I laugh. “Right . . . and let me guess, you just decided since he left you in charge to watch over me, you decided that ‘loving me’ would be all right?”

            “He told me to begin a relationship with you!”

            “So you just do what he said?” I cross my arms, my brows furrowing at him and nothing but rage and agony is in my veins.

            This time when he speaks, his voice is calmer than before. “He told me he’d like to see ya happy and he’d hope that one day, you’ll be happy with someone else.”

            “I was happy until I walked through that door!” I yell, pointing towards the door. “I mean, what’s going to happen to you! You’re going to war, right?” He nods. “I’m going to be alone for that . . . I don’t want you to go!”

            It’s silent for a moment. My eyes seek downwards and so do his, like we’re both thinking. He’s probably thinking about how he can stay or how our relationship can work, but I’m basically thinking of how this is all becoming a déjà vu. How Kenton left me and I never wanted him to leave. But he left and everything is gone now. I don’t want that to happen with Errik and me.

            Before a single word can be spoken about anything else, I ask the one question that has been pestering me for a very long time. “How did Kenton die?” I know it would make my depression come out even more, but the fact that I don’t know would probably bring some closure into my life. Even if it’s something I probably shouldn’t know.

            Errik blinks his eyes a few times before he could even respond. I can hear his throat clearing and the silence just says it all. He’s trying to think of a way to announce it without it being tragic. But to me, I know that’ll never happen because throughout the last fifteen minutes, my life has been a tragedy. “He . . .” he begins but pauses, trying so hard not to lose himself within the sentence. “He died from a bomb explosion.”

            Knowing the news wouldn’t be easy, I back away with my fingers lingering against my lips and the tears that flow downwards onto my cheeks. “What happened?” I ask, regretting the question.

            It takes him even longer to explain, to compose himself and straighten up his back. By the way his reaction is, I can tell it’s an emotional answer, a touchy topic. “I . . .” he says but stops. This time it isn’t even easy for him to answer like the last question. “I’m sorry . . .” his eyes meet mine and every bit of what he knows just says it through his glossy eyes.

He killed Kenton.