A Nightmare's Fate

Emotional Rhythm

Chapter Forty-nine: Emotional Rhythm

Telling the girls about the dream wasn’t something I truly wanted, but it was needed. It could be a way to get my mind off of it or create a new subject, really. I know it’s just a dream and it doesn’t mean anything, but deep down, I actually think that my mind is just playing tricks on me. Like it wants to make something for me to believe even though I know it doesn’t exist.

Jessie pats lightly on my wrist and says, “I’m sorry you had a bad dream. But you’re an adult, Ray. You need to act like one.”

“Well it isn’t my fault that I’m acting like a teenager,” I announce. “I’m only human, you know.” I sit further back on the couch where my feet are on the cushions and my knees are up to my chin. “Plus, I can’t act like my age because I’ve never been this age before!” I joke, but my tone and attitude makes it sound more serious.

“But we’re not your heroes, Raven. We can’t always help you with your problems—don’t use your friends like that.” Periwinkle crosses her arms and sighs heavily.

“I know,” I reply, fiddling with my fingers. “But the nightmare felt so real . . . I just—I can’t deal with the type of stress on my shoulders, you know? I can’t carry it all. I’m losing room for it.”

“We know, sweetie. Even though it’s been a few days, it feels like hell, don’t it?” Periwinkle gazes to the ground and back up to meet my eyes. “I know how you feel. Every time Freddy leaves, I feel like my heart is being tossed around like a football. I keep thinking the worst, like one of these days, he’s going to end up like Kenton and we all know I won’t be able to handle that.”

“And I don’t think I’m even able to keep my anxiety down a notch, like you both. If I ever said goodbye to Xavior who went off to another country with his life at risk, I don’t think I’m able to live through the type of hell you both have experienced.” Jessie’s facial expression appears to be more sympathetic than any other emotion I’ve seen with her.

“So anyways, why are you getting these dreams caught up to you; pulling you down? Aren’t you able to control it yourself? I mean, it is your dream after all,” Periwinkle explains, making a great point.

The only problem with the explanation is that it feels like I can’t control it myself, unless I’ve never tried. Have I tried it before? I honestly don’t think that my dream is the problem, but it’s me. I suppose I use my nightmares and dreams to help me cope; my mind just goes off into oblivion and does whatever it can to help me forget about my real life. But I can still remember everything; every pain, every emotion, every agonizing moment. It’s all there; possibly locked up in a cage somewhere within my brain, maybe waiting for the special moment to escape. But it’s there. I know it. I know that it’s somewhere, in the making, hoping to cause so much excruciating pain to me.

The one thing that I don’t understand is why does it have to be a dream; especially one with Kenton; making him sound like he’s not who I loved, who I grew up with? Are my dreams trying to help me cope with what has happened to me in my life? No, Raven. Stop being so delusional. It is not to help you cope. Your dreams are just a figment of your imagination.

“I’ve thought about it but I’m not sure if I’m able to,” I finally answer.

“What do you mean?” she asks, her brows arching upwards.

“Well . . . wouldn’t it be hard?”

“Seriously? You’re acting like an idiot, Ray. Stop being so afraid. Haven’t you seen the show The Magic School Bus? Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy; as Mrs. Frizz would say.” Jessie crosses her arms and looks at me as if I’m saying ridiculous questions or statements, which I am.