A Savior Will Be There... (An Adopted By Black Veil Brides Fan Fiction)

Chapter Sixteen - Almost

Blade's POV

It's been three days since Andy embarrassed me. I was still pissed about it, feeling a spark of anger whenever I think about it, but I've mostly let it go. Things are somewhat normal. Well, almost.

I'm having urges again. I want to, really fucking bad. I've been writing in my journal a lot more lately. It helps, but it only takes away the urge momentarily. I want to cut, but I can't. I'll "kill my butterflies" if I do. Maybe I should try to distract myself some more.

I look through my book bag and pull out my three favorite books. I go to my bunk and set them up. What should I read?... The Korn book. That's the most inspirational. I grab that and lay on my stomach, continuing what I've already read of Brian's story.

It works for a while. I engross myself in the book for a really long time, but soon my wrists start to feel a little itchy. I try to ignore it, reading the part where Brian talks about feeling sick. I can't believe it. "God" makes him sick so he won't binge watch murder shows? Prayer can't work like that. That's too simple of a thing... But does it work?

I roll my eyes, not believing that I'm doing this. I don't believe in God. The bible seems too far fetched. Pushing away my morals, though, I mentally pray. It couldn't hurt, right?

'I'm not even sure what to do... What did Bryan say? Oh yeah. This is so weird. How does this even work? Whatever... Uh, God? You there? Um, my wrists itch. Usually I cut my thighs and all that stuff but my wrists are itching now. Could you like, make this stop? Yeah bye.'

I felt so dumb doing that. I'm praying to someone I don't even believe in. I'm probably being a little too influenced by this book...

My thoughts suddenly go back to slitting my wrists. It's so weird. It's my wrists I want to do it to, which hasn't happened since the incident. Just as I start thinking, my wrists... start to hurt. Bad. I grab my right one, gritting my teeth and cradling it to my body. I try to deviate my thoughts to something else. The ache is still there, but duller. What the hell?

'It's nothing.' I think. Sure, I could say God did it, but I did that thing only a minute ago. 'Just a coincidence.' I decide.

After that I promised myself I wouldn't "pray" again.

******

"Agh!" The pain is back in my wrists. It only does this when I think of cutting them. Whatever, as long as I keep from doing anything to them.

But this time it's not just in my wrists. My ankles, the back of my legs, the part of my arm above my elbow. They feel weak, and they hurt. What you would call your "sensitive" spots I guess you could say.

I try to get up from the couch and go to my bunk. I succeed, but behind my knees feel weak. 'Why me?' I think. At least I don't want to cut as badly.

"Hey Blade, you okay?" Jeremy asks. I look towards him and nod.

"Yeah, why?" I try to play it cool.

"You just keep cringing." Jeremy explains. "Oh, just remembering a video is all." I explain, hopping up into my bunk.

"Okay..."

I get the book out. I'm almost done. Brian found out about his daughter's self harm. I feel really bad for her. I know how far you have to push to hurt yourself over something you can't or couldn't control. She also keeps talking to strangers online and sexually talking to people. She's probably depressed and wants to feel needed. She probably feels like she's unwanted. I knew how that felt.

I become very close to finishing the book. As I finish reading the last page I'm smiling widely, but I want to cry. It's over. I can always reread it, but it's over. I read his tough journey through life, his miracles and mistakes, all on his way back to where he belonged; Korn.

I felt a wave of Nostalgia lingering. Damn these books!

Suddenly I have to go to the bathroom. I get up and open the door, closing it. As soon as I close the door I see a packet of razor heads in a box. I bite my lip. I learned how to easily break those... Should I? I start to remember how Brian felt when he learned his daughter hurt herself. How would the guys feel? How would Juliet and Inna feel? How would my friends feel?

I sigh and ignore the box. I know this was the right choice, but it was hard. I had to keep pushing I guess. I grab the packet and put it away out of sight. I don't need to see that. I feel happy I'm doing this, but also I feel empty. Fuck, this is hard...

******

A/N: JUST A FILLER! I don't want to make Blade religious. That prayer thing was just a one time thing for her. WMEWO: MAMOMWBTK was an influence I guess.

I REALLY can't wait until I do the school parts :))))))
I have A LOT of ideas.... Don't worry, it's coming sooner than you think!!!! #DramaComing ;)

(I'm estimating that it's around July 14 in this chapter. Also, THIS STORY WILL NOT RATE MATURE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I CLICK THAT FUCKING BUTTON.)