JHO
"Dessert?" Ged ask but I just shook my head.
"I'm good. Ikaw, baka gusto mo"
"No. Ok na ko. Tignan pa nga lang kita busog na ko eh" he answered, smiling.
I let out a sigh and a small smile.
"Ged" I started pero kumontra na agad siya.
"I won't stop" sagot niya kahit wala pa naman akong sinasabi "I want to prove to you how much I like you. Please give me a chance,Jho"
He reached for my hand at the table. Paano ko ba gagawin to? Nahihirapan din ako.
"Ayaw kitang paasahin, Ged"
"Wala naman akong inaasahan. Just please let me show it to you. Let me court you"
Ged has been always kind to me. He's a good guy, he needs someone better. At hindi ako yun.
"Bea and I ... We're back together. I hope you understand, Ged. Ayaw kitang lokohin at saktan. That's why I'm asking you to stop now"
He slowly let go of my hand before laughing. A sarcastic laugh, I think.
"Niloko ka na niya dati, Jho" hindi ako sumagot. I know he's hurt kaya niya nasasabi yan "And I won't let it happen again"
"Me too. Bea and I actually, hindi namin hahayaang mangyari ulit yun" I stared at him. Nakayuko siya habang nakakuyom ang kamay sa ibabaw ng lamesa "You'll find someone better"
"That's exactly what I want to tell you. You'll find someone better, Jho. Someone that will not leave you, and I know na hindi si Bea yun"
I let out a sigh before reaching for his hand.
"Ged, I'm sorry" Tumingin siya sakin and I can see pain in his eyes "Makakahanap ka rin ng para sa'yo. I'm really sorry"
"She's a girl, Jho" Sabi niya pagkatayo ko kaya napalingon ako sa kanya "And you are too. Hindi kayo pwede"
"Stop"
"No, I won't. Can't you see Jho? Kaya kayo nagkahiwalay dati, kasi kahit tadhana sinasabing hindi kayo pwede! You're not a lesbian, you're just confused!"
"And you are insane! Fuck it, Ged! Maiintindihan ko pa kung sasabihin mong hindi ko mahal si Bea. Pero yung husgahan mo yung pagkatao ko, o ni bea? No, I won't let you!"
I don't want to be mad at him kasi mabait siya sakin. He was so good but I just don't see him as someone more than a friend to me. Because it's only Bea I see more than anyone and anything else.
"I understand if you'll get mad at me. Again, I'm sorry Ged" I looked at him and nakayuko lang siya "Lesbian or not, I don't care. All I know is that I love Bea. I love her so much na kahit wala akong kasiguraduhan na hindi na niya ako iiwan ulit, I'm willing to take the risk. I'd rather be in pain with her, than to be with someone I don't love. I'm sorry, Ged. Please take care"
Pagkatapos ay umalis na rin ako agad. Nag-taxi nalang ako pauuwi dahil ayoko ng abalahin pa si Bea.
Naaawa ako kay Ged, pero nainis din ako dahil sa sinabi niya. Alam ko namang mali ito sa paningin ng iba. But I don't expect him to judge us. I thought he's my friend. Mukhang hindi niya rin kami naiintindihan.
I wipe the tear that escaped my eyes. Kinakain na naman ng frustration ang utak ko. Kung anu-ano na namang naiisip ko na mga negative thoughts.
Sa sobrang pag-iisip ko nga ay lumampas pa tuloy ako ng tatlong bahay. Bumaba nalang ako at nagalakad pabalik.
