It's been a week .. And It's the longgest week that I had .. 12:00 am, and yet Im still awake. huh! This vacation is supposed to lighten up my mood. But what the hell! All I wanna do right now is pack my things and go back home!
"I miss you .. too bad, you do not feel the same" I took my phone and stared at our photo.
Jho .. she changed .. I dont know if
Its just me but I swear .. She changed.. a lot..
"maybe I'm overthinking" I whisper to myself while covering my eyes with my arm. "shit. this sucks!"
I got up, took my hoodie and got out of my room. In a few minutes I just found myself walking in the shore. Watching the waves of the ocean, feeling the cold breeze with the light of the moon.
"What the hell is happening with me?!" I shouted and sit on the sand. "You're driving me insane" I whisper with a sigh.
Honestly, I don't know what's with me. This past days, Jho and I talked less. It's either she's busy, or she's tired. I understand, i tried to understand. Anyway she's still making effort just for us to talk, once a day. yeah, only once! I want to protest, I want to be mad at her, I want to shout and ask her what the hell is going on. But who am I to ask?
"Im just her bestfriend"
the fck! Did i just thought of us being more than just a friend??
Oh no no, NO BEA! wake up! I shook my head and hit it with my hand.
"Im about to go crazy"
I put my two hands on my face.
"Nah! Im already crazyyyyyy"
I laugh and stared at the sea. Shitty feeling. She's with someone else and it really hurts.
I don't know, I don't really know! I should be happy right? Cause she is happy! Everytime we talk, she would mention that Marci guy.
'Ang cute niya bei'
'Nakakatawa siya'
'Sinundo niya ulit ako kanina beh'
'Kumain kami sa labas'
'wait beh, tumatawag siya. Call you back'
Since when did she cut our call just for somebody else? Since when Jho?
Since that guy came ..
Why does it hurt when you're with him? Why? Why the fck---
"AAAAAAAAHHHH!"
I scream and throw rocks on the water.
"Why .. why am I feeling weird?"
It's already 2:00 am so I decided to go back to my room. I rush to my bed and burried my face on the pillow.
I close my eyes .. Trying to sleep .. But I just can't .. I can't sleep without leaving her a message, I can't sleep without saying goodnight to her..
So I took my phone, and started composing a message ..
To: Babybubu
We haven't talk this day .. You busy? Just dont forget to eat and have enough rest .. I miss you Jho .. so much .. Goodnight, love you ...
I pressed the send button and stared at my phone when suddenly it rang ..
Babybubu calling .....
"sht" I sat on my bed and answer her call.
"Hi beh" the fck! Her voice .. It gives me shiver ..
"Hi" I dont know what happened to me but that was all I can say! I almost stutter on that one!
"bakit gising ka pa?" she asked and did I mention that her voice is so husky and .... and I like it?
"can't sleep. You? Why are you still awake? May class ka pa bukas"
"Nagising lang ako. Nakatulog agad ako pagkauwi ko eh. Kumain ka na?"
No.. I did not eat my dinner. Im not starving anyway, or Im just too tired to eat.
"Ah .. yeah. Tapos na. Ikaw? Hindi ka na kumain?" but of course I wont tell her. Pagagalitan niya lang ako.
"Kumain kami sa labas ni Marci"
"ahhh" okay. thanks Jho, that really help. tss bakit ba kasi ako nagtanong?
I heard her yawn. Probably she's still sleepy.
"Di ka pa matutulog beh?" she asked
"Later.. Go, sleep ka na. You still have class tomorrow. Goodnight" I said tho I still wanna talk to her. I miss her voice ..
"Sige beh, goodnight .. Wag ka na magpuyat, wag mo ko isipin masyado. haha"
I smiled.. I hope I could not think about you.. But I just can't Jho..
"Kapal"
"sus. haha i miss you beh"
My smile faded ..
"Miss na kitang katabi" she added and with that .. I felt my eyes getting wet .. "Miss ko na hug mo"
Then it started flowing on my cheeks.
Sht. Im crying! I cover my mouth with my hands to stop myself from sobbing.
"I miss you too" I tried all I can to sound like Im fine. I don't want her to know that Im crying ..
Beacause seriously .. I don't even know why.
"Sige na beh, antok pa ko. ikaw din matulog ka na please.." I nod tho she won't see it.
"Opo, I'll sleep na. goodnight Jho"
"Love you damulag"
"I love you too.."
I heard her yawn again and then she hang up. And that's when my tears bagan flowing again .. I laid my back on my bed's headboard.
Why am I crying? Do I miss her that bad?
When I heard her voice, my heart skipped a beat. I felt it .. I felt so much happiness when her name flashed on my phone.
Im crying and at the same time I am smiling. Crazy it is.
I close my eyes and shook my head.
"It's nothing .. I just missed her .. Im just not used to know that she's with someone else .. Im just overthinking.. I just missed being with her .. That's all .. yeah that's all"
I whisper trying to convince myself that this is normal.. That there is nothing wrong about what Im feeling.
It is normal right? It is normal to feel this way towards you're bestfriend right? I love her --- I mean as a bestfriend! And it's normal to feel jealous when she's with someone else. It is normal to care for her, to miss her. To dream about her. To feel happy when she's around, or even when she calls .. This is normal right? There is nothing wrong with this..... right?
I close my eyes and lay my back on the bed.
"This is nothing Bea .. This is nothing"
And with that I fell asleep .. Thinking about her .. Convincing myself that this is nothing .. Trying to get out of my mind those weird things I am feeling .. Focusing on me being a friend to her .. her bestfriend .. nothing more .. nothing less ..
------
bitin. Sorry. Bawi next UD
