Flaws and All

(Chpt.4-14) Confessions💬

Still looking over at me with anger, he shortly sighed and huffed through his nose. Now joining me in sitting on his bed, face to face.

"I wanna show you something.." I said, and took off my AERO hoodie to free my arms.

I held up my right arm to show him the many cuts and bruises that littered my light brown skin. "This is...every time I've been taken advantage of, gotten my heart broken, used, dumped, abused, misunderstood, judged, not cared for.....and the list goes on and on. Every single time is now a scar on my body,...that can't heal because another one is to blame for its reopening.  Sometimes I run out of room and have to go down to my tigh, which I'm sure you've seen. But what I'm trying to say is that....I'm hurt. I have the multiple scars on my body to prove it. I haven't been...lucky with finding people who actually.....give a damn about me and sadly that journey has cost me. I told you about the nigga who took my first time. His name was Malik Owens and I considered him the first time I ever looked at a boy romantically. And when I found out that he looked at me the same way, my walls came crashing down. Literally. He popped my cherry so fast, I couldn't even say goodbye. Instead I had to say hello to...the new broken Diya that you and me both know today. After what I thought was love making was over, he told me I was nothing. He confessed to using me and only wanting my p*ssy. That shit...still haunts me til this day. I tried to...give other people a chance after Malik, but...I ended up getting the same results. Almost being raped in the middle of the night by a nigga who slapped me across my face that same damn day. *looks away* I found one guy who was honest and just told me straight up. "Hey, I just wanna fuck you" while others waited for the "right time" to...break it to me. One in particular is the nigga name that's in bold cursive writing on my flesh. Damon. *Points to his name* Me and him...started off just like me and you. Happy. Playful and just friends as it is. We were so caught up in being friends, we didn't realize that we both liked each other in that way as well. If you could see how nice...and gentle he was with me when we first started out, you would understand my confusion. But only months into our happy relationship, he started changing. I did everything a woman could do to please her man but it still failed. And I still don't know what....–what I did so wrong *A tear rolls down my face* I tried so hard to keep him happy, even if it didn't make me happy. *sniffs* Long story short though, he got bored with me and cheated on me. But still decided to keep me hopeful until he felt too bad to keep the secret anymore. Right when I was about to tell him I loved him and try to....fix whatever issues we had, he ended things. My heart was crushed Jay, and it lead me to giving up. So this whole year, my plan was to give up on relationships and to just live as a single young woman until I was healed again. Then I met you and it all came crashing down again. You were wrong about me. I really do like you and I always did since the first day you came into my classroom as the new boy. I had one of the biggest crushes on you for a while and I wanted your attention so bad. And...at the dance I finally got it and then started our friendship as secret admirers. I started thinking about us..and you in that way before you even asked me to lay down. So when you finally asked me,...how could I say no. And I'm glad I didn't because..now I can say I finally made love to someone who desrves it. It was beautiful Jay and I loved every second of just being close to you that night, but then came my reality check that caused me to fall back. It was just like me and Damon all over again...just with a new face. How could I trust our situation when I was in the same one last year. So I fell back and...I started to ignore you. I couldn't have you around making me feel good like you always did, because...I was falling again. I'm falling now and yes it scares me. I hate to do this to you but I have trust issues and I'm so sorry for letting them get in between us. And from that I think you deserve better. Why would you want a broken girl with trust issues anyway..." I looked away.

"Is it crazy that I still do..." he looked up.

I turned my head back to him when he said that, knowing I was speechless to answer his question. Only the red blushes on cheeks could talk for me but suddenly, he grabbed the same arm I showed him and held it up to his face before talking.

"I know them cowards hurt you, but me.....I'm not them. I'm not that nigga Damon, nor Malik.....not even close to being that bitch that hit you either. And..., I don't blame you for not trying to deal with niggas anymore, it ain't too many good ones out here these days. And as guy myself, I can admit that. Sex has taken over greatly in the man, and now it produces the fuck-niggas and deadbeats we know today. But I can assure that not every guy is like that, no matter how often you may see or run into, hear it, I promise you there are still some good guys out there. I actually consider myself as one of em and you made me proud to say that I am....yes, a good boy. And this good boy...wants this bad and good girl he's holding right now. No matter how...crazy, annoying, maybe weird, broken, hurt, misunderstood, nasty, wild, ghetto...she may think she is but what I see is maybe a few of those things but also beauty, intelligence, sexiness, gorgeousness, funny, fun, amazing, caring, nice, an angel, ...a Dime, a good woman if given the chance, loveable surely, desirable greatly and everything else in between. I'm falling for you too, and all I want is you. Now I can't promise that we'll be together forever with no fights and other bullshit, but..I'm willing to take a chance with you. As my first girlfriend,...my first love and my everything. I wanna love you,..but you gotta let me love you and trust that I will" He ends off by kissing the scars on my arm.

I watched him look up at me again, surprised when I rushed into his embrace with my arms around his neck. A couple tears started to drop down from my eyes after hearing his confession, it was everything said in the right way. Even better when he wrapped his arms around my back as I held him tightly above.

I pulled back from him shortly after a few seconds later and connected my forehead with his in the intimate moment. I caught him again when he looked at me, and leaned in to kiss his lips hungrily. He must don't know who he's got now, my love is...strong. And if he wants it like he said, trust me he'll get it as it comes.

"We can give us a chance okay but...there's something else"

"Like what?" he asked.

"I'm going away for...a while, in a day or so actually"

"Oh, where at? And how long you think you'll be gone"

"Me and my roommate are going to L.A. and we might be there for the rest of the...summer"

"And I can't go with you?"

"Mm mm. Its...exclusive, even if you did buy a ticket separately, we still wouldn't see each other like we'd hope. I'm sorry things keep coming up between us, but if you wait for me...I promise it'll be worth it when I get home"

"Of course I'll wait for you" he simply said, holding my hips a little tighter.

I smiled. "I'll wait for you too, but....if you ever wanna go and sleep with someone else while I'm away, that's fine. I know you're probably going to get lonely..."

"....does that go for you too?" he asked, sounding worried by his tone.

I paused for a moment to think. I really didn't want to go to L.A. while I was in a relationship deep down, but you know what,...its the least I can do for him. This guy likes me and I like him like that too, so I'm not going to fuck it up. I gotta learn how to be faithful again anyways.

"Forget everything I said okay, I'll wait for you just like you're willing to wait for me. I promise you"

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