Chasing Bad✔[Rewritten][Currently Being Edited]

Chapter 21

Train Wreck, James Arthur

Quote;

Looking at others and say you're fine,
Only to break down when all alone.

Chapter 21. (Trigger Warning: Self harm)

"Elle, we need to talk."

My frame stiffens as I register the familiar voice. Seriously, after what happened earlier I imagined I would never have to deal with him speaking to me again. As usual, I'm wrong.

Closing my locker, I turn to face Sebastian, arms folded. "When are you going to take a hint and leave me alone?"

"Elle-"

"Don't call me that."

He clasps his hands together, releasing a sharp breath. "I'm so sorry, for everything that I've said and done. There have been times where I've crossed the line and-"

"Is that all?" I question, scanning the hallways. There isn't a student in sight, no sound of footsteps, or doors closing.

When I turn my attention back on him, he's a lot closer than before. His hand slips into mine and I feel guilty all over again. The pain is evident in Sebastian's eyes, but how do I know that this is real? I don't.

"I love you."

Is it stupid that for a split second I actually believe his words? That I want so desperately for them to be true, so that things could go back to the way they used to be. Where Violet was not in the picture, and the two of us stuck together like glue. He's a senior, he'll be graduating eventually and who knows what other girl he'll find when he goes off to university. I won't look like a fool because of him again.. I won't.

Raising my chin in order to stare up Sebastian, I do my best to keep my frustration with him in check. "I bet you told Violet that too, when you were sleeping with her. Do you even know what love is? It's not a word you should be throwing around just to get girls to-"

Sebastian grabs hold of my neck and slams my back against the locker, and I let out a gasp. For a moment he squeezes, rage seeming to consume him. I pry at his fingers and try to speak, but the more I struggle, the harder he presses into me. Just when I am about to give up, he lets me go. Tears well in his eyes and he hurries off down the hallway, not daring to look back.

The tips of my fingers lightly graze my neck, feeling around the area where his hands had gripped me."I love you." If I know anything it's that love isn't supposed to hurt like this. Love is never supposed to feel like this.. This isn't love.

"Why you out here?"

Marcus peeks his head out of the gym doors, eyebrows raised. Relief fills me as I rush towards him, his facial expression contorts into one of concern. Reaching out for me, his thumb gently rubs my cheek.

"Why are you crying?"

Wiping my eyes with my sleeve, I sniff. "It's nothing, now I gotta change out. Please don't tell Paige or Heidi about this. I don't want them to be worried.."

"Elle-"

"Promise me, Marcus." I interject.

After a moments hesitation, he nods. "Promise."

I wonder what it was like for her, to die in such a way. To just be laying there, waiting for it all to end. Realizing the pills are kicking in and no longer will you ever have to experience the pain life has brought to you. Sometimes I wish that in her last moments she saw my face, thought of all the joy she had brought into my life.

"We're not better off without you," I croak.

"You don't know anything about loss, you know nothing of the pain I've experienced in my life. Don't question how I choose to live, and leave my brother out of this!"

I know more about pain than anyone..

"I'm starting to see why Sebastian cheated on you in the first place."

I'm realizing that more and more everyday.

"Everyone knows about what happened. Violet did well making sure everybody knew how a girl like you can't keep a guy if your life depended on it."

These days it doesn't seem like a hard thing to showcase.

"Girl like you this, girl like you that, honestly, you speak as though I've never experienced any difficulties in my life!"

All of the things I've experienced are nothing compared to the pain others have went through..

Mom, laying on that bed, dead. Should've been me. Dad wouldn't be like this if I were gone, he doesn't seem to care that much about me anyways. If he did he wouldn't put himself through this..

Staring at the razor blade I press it against my thigh, without giving it a second thought I make the cut. Experiencing a stinging sensation I bite down on my lip, tears begin to well up in my eyes. You're okay Noelle, you're okay.

You can stop whenever you want to.

But I don't.

The more I begin to cut, the deeper into my skin I go. Each time I feel guilty about it afterwards, but I can't help but keep going. Letting the blood drip into the bathtub, I run the water and rest my feet in it. Dropping the razor blade into the tub, I stare at the water. My blood mixes with it and I continue to watch.

Every time I had cut it was for every moment I felt helpless, depressed, emotionally forgotten, and neglected. For every single time I wanted my father to be the shoulder I could lean on, and he was too busy passed out or getting drunk. For every time I told someone I was fine, even if I wasn't. I cut for all the times I've felt nothing or let my emotions get the better of me. I cut and I cut.. and for a while I was so consumed by the pain, I was afraid it was all I would feel.

And as usual, reality eventually sets in.

A/N

Thank you so much for reading this chapter, it really means a lot to
me! What do you guys think
of Noelle cutting?

Can't wait to see all your comments and read all of your opinions.

Love you all.

( ˘ ³˘)❤