I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Sixty Five

*Spock's POV*

Jim was already gone when I woke up, which sent waves of disappointment crashing through me.

I wanted to spend the morning with him, one last time.

I am going to do it today.

It is for the best, it is not fair to leave Jim wondering what was wrong with me.

I sat up, my heart already falling apart as I checked my communicator.

Spock,
Sorry I'm gone, I just need to check up on Gary - message me when you get this.
~Jim

The sooner I get it over with, the better.

Where are you? We need to talk.
-Spock

Bones and my place, Gary just left - I can come back?
~Jim

Negative. I shall meet you there.
-Spock

Okay, see you soon sweetheart xx
~Jim

Sobs forced their way out of my throat and I struggled to compose myself.

Jim can not see me like this, he has to believe that I truly do not want to be with him anymore.

I should be ashamed of the tears running down my face, but I can not find it in me to care, not while facing this impossible task.

I finally got myself together and managed to leave my dark room, slowly making my way to where Jim was waiting, my heart heavy

...............

"Hey Spock," Jim greeted me brightly from his position sprawled across his bed.

He shifted to one side and patted the spot next to him, inviting me to join him.

I hesitated, closing the door absently. It would be so easy to join him, to wait until tomorrow to end things.

I shook myself slightly, this is not something I can put off. If I do not do it now, I never will.

Then Jim will lose his friends, he will hurt so much.

Yes.

I realised with a small start that if I get even the smallest chance, I would kill this monster that was forcing me to part with my T'hy'la.

"Spock?"

I must have been thinking for too long, because Jim's face was concerned as he slowly sat up.

"Are you okay? What did you want to talk about?"

"I-"

The words got caught in my throat and Jim stood up, taking a step towards me.

"Spock?"

He sounded uncertain and I stepped closer to the door, avoiding his eyes.

"I am sorry, Jim."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, trying to gather my thoughts.

"Sorry? What for? Spock, what is it?"

He must have sensed my despair because he sounded worried, almost as if he knew what was coming.

"I can not do this any more."