I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Eight

A/N
Hey guys, trigger warning for this chapter, not self harming but looking at results of/ thinking about previous self-harm and suicide attempt, I will put *** at the beginning and end.

*Spock's POV*

I woke earlier then normal, having gotten more then adequate sleep last night.

*****

I rolled onto my stomach, wincing as I felt the sting of the cuts I made yesterday rubbing against the sheets.

I sat up and gingerly removed my shirt, tossing it aside.

I traced a finger over the biggest scar I have, it goes from my right shoulder all the down to my left hip. I made it a long time ago, after I was beaten up and called a worthless freak, a disgusting halfbreed so much that I began to believe it.

It was my first and last suicide attempt, and something I had felt regret for ever since. I was going to make a cross, crossing myself out of life, but passed out from blood loss before I could make the second slash.

I traced a few other old scars, the time I failed a Vulcan class purely because I'm half human and the teacher thought of me as a disgrace, my first day at the Starfleet academy when I tried to talk to someone and they laughed at me and walked off.

I then moved to the angry green gashes that hadn't even begun scabbing yet. Five slashes made in worry that my T'hy'la wouldn't like me. Stupid. Illogical.

*****

I pulled my shirt back on, thinking about the meeting with Jim.

He was...... Kind. And brave, reckless and illogical sure, but brave all the same. It was five against one and he jumped in with no hesitation in order to help me, a person he didn't even know. Well, five against two technically, not that I was much help until the end.

I glanced at the clock and realised with a jolt that I had been lost in my thoughts for longer then I thought, and had to hurry if I wanted to make it it to Flight Control in time.

............

The tables in flight control consisted of two tables pressed together so that the four people sitting at them were all facing each other.

I sat alone, as per usual, in the one closest to being in a corner. I watched silently as people slowly filed in, feeling a pang of envy as friends laughed and greeted one another, enjoying each others company and the excitement of what the new year would bring.

The envy brought on a wave of surprise and worry, lately my emotions had been stronger and more frequent then they have been since I was a young child. I will have to meditate on the events that bring them on later.

I saw Sulu enter and look around, his eyes landing on me. A wry grin crossed his face and he made a beeline for me, taking the seat next to mine and carefully arranging his books on the desk.

"What are you doing?" I asked him bluntly, he made eye contact and shrugged "the right thing. Standing up for you".

I raised an eyebrow quizzically "it is an illogical thing to do, but I appreciate it nonetheless". He scratched his head awkwardly and shrugged again "your welcome Spock, it's something I should have done from the start"

We sat in silence for a while, the flow of people entering the room slowing down, until it stopped.

"Weird" Sulu commented, sounding more like he was speaking to himself then me, "I thought Chevok was in this class, maybe he got lost" he speculated, shrugging once more. Shrugging appears to be a favourited expression of his, fascinating.

About five minutes passed, a quiet hum of chattering flowing over us with the other cadets taking advantage of the teachers absence.

The door swung open and I straightened up, expecting the teacher. Instead Chevok walked in, followed by a battered looking Jim.

They saw us and walked over, Jim taking the seat opposite me and giving us a lopsided grin. "Sorry we're late fellas" he said cheerfully. "what happened to you?" The word were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I couldn't help a touch of concern lacing my voice, although I don't think anyone noticed except for Jim, who simply raised an eyebrow.

"I was in a fight. I lost" he pointed out the last fact unnecessarily. He had a bruise running along his jaw line, blood trickled from a grazed patch on his temple and he appeared to have hurt his ribs, judging by the way he sat hunched over slightly.

"Why are you so happy if you lost?" Sulu questioned, confusion evident by his tone, I was still checking my T'hy'la for serious injuries, I know how ruthless these guys can be.

Jim let out a laugh, and having completed my examination I frowned up at his grinning face. "If you win all your fights, your fighting the wrong people" he replied, still grinning like a manic. Maybe he was given drugs for the pain, or maybe he is just used to it a darker part of my mind thought.

I bristled with anger at the thought of my T'hy'la being beaten up, then remembered with a hint of pride how he had dealt with the people beating me up yesterday.

"Listen up!" the teachers voice rang out and everyone fell silent.

"Flight Control is obviously one of the most important parts of Starfleet education, just incase you were wondering what you will be learning during this course, we will be learning to fly a ship! If you didn't get that from the name 'Flight Control' please leave, no one wants to put their lives in your hands." This drew a chuckle from the students and the teacher grinned lazily.

I sighed and put my head on my arms, turning to look at my T'hy'la as he listened intently to the teacher. Interesting, at first I though he was just one of those illogical guys who enjoyed mucking around and getting into fights, but although Jim clearly enjoyed doing that he was also..... Logical, he appeared to want to learn.

I think I will like this human.