I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Sixty

*Jim's POV*

You know that's not what I meant. What is your name? Where are you from?
~ Jim

I sighed in defeat as I hit the send button. After not getting any real response the first time I wasn't going to send another message, but I just couldn't resist.

I put my communicator aside and ran a hand through my hair, closing my tired eyes as I sat on the edge of the bed. Keeping this from Spock was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

I jumped slightly when the device chimed, I wasn't expecting such a swift response.

I know what you meant, I'm sorry that I have to be so vague and distant, believe me when I say I long for nothing more than to close that distance between us. It's better this way, it's not that I don't trust you, just if you don't know anything you can't tell them anything. I promise to honestly answer any other question you have, if I am able to.

I bit my lip, than decided there was no harm in trying to get some information out of them.

Why are you hurting so many people?
~ Jim

I do not want to hurt anyone, please understand that. My biggest regret will always be ordering that attack on you when you were on that other planet for the assignment. I told them not to hurt you, but they were too stupid to understand. I fixed it though, didn't I? When I heard how badly you had been injured I went back there and confronted them about it. They didn't understand what I meant so I killed them, all of them - it was to protect you. Everything I have ever done and ever will do is for you my love.

I felt sick, mass murder was their idea of 'fixing' something?

Murder is one of the worst crimes you can commit. Besides, they weren't the only ones. What about Frank? What about the attack on the academy? People died, good people that had their whole lives ahead of them. You took that from them, and you took them from their friends and family.
~ Jim

No! You don't understand, it wasn't like that. I had to get your attention, I had to. I had to make you understand what I'll do for you, how far I would go for you. As for Frank, he hurt you. He deserved much worse than what he got. He should have suffered like he made you suffer. I wanted to show him the pain he caused you, but time was short. I didn't want up you to think I had forgotten you, that I had abandoned you. Believe me, I would never abandon you. I love you. You know that, don't you?

I slammed my communicator down in disgust. They had no idea, they didn't even know what they were doing was wrong!

I flopped backwards onto the bed just as the door opened and Spock walked in.

"Hey," I muttered, throwing an arm over my face. "Hello. Are you unwell?"

I let out a chuckle at the confusion in Spock's voice and looked up at him with a smile.

"I'm fine, just tired. Lay with me?"

Spock furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but came over anyway and let me wrap myself around him.

"You are still not sleeping well?"

"Not really. But it's not just that, this whole situation is exhausting."

Spock traced his middle and index fingers up and down my arm, his gentle kisses soothing me and making me yawn.

I stiffened when my communicator buzzed and Spock tensed slightly in response. "Ashayam? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." I mumbled back and tried to relax, ignoring the knot in my stomach.

Spock relaxed with me and it was quiet for a few minutes before the device buzzed again.

"Is that important?" Spock questioned and I shrugged, trying to quell the pain of lying to him. "Nah, probably not. I'll check it later."

Spock stiffened and sat up, slowly turning to look at me with confusion and hurt in his eyes.

"You are lying. Why? What is wrong?"

I froze and sat up, lowering my eyes in shame. I could deny it, gently hint that he was being paranoid, but I can't do that.

I can't keep lying to him, and I certainly can't make him feel like there was something wrong with him.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't sit and do nothing when there was something I could do."

Fear flashed across Spock's face and he completely froze. "Jim, what did you do?"

"I talked to them. I thought..... I thought I could find something out, figure out who they are. I was wrong, they haven't told me anything useful. Spock, I'm so sorry."

"Show me."

Spock's voice was hard and I flinched slightly at the emotionless tone. I passed him my communicator and watched with rising dread as his eyes skimmed over the messages.

As he read his expression tightened and when he finished he closed his eyes.

"Why did you continue to talk to them once you discovered that they could give you no useful information?"

I flinched again. I had expected anger when he inevitably found out, and probably hurt too.

I didn't expect this cold, distant reaction - and this was so much worse.

"I don't know." I replied honestly, feeling my eyes well up with tears at his stony mask.

"I'm sorry," I repeated when he was silent, beginning to feel like a broken record.

Spock stood swiftly. "I must go," he stated without looking at me and I shot up in panic.

"Go? Go where? Spock, it's late, please stay."

He closed his eyes again and clenched his jaw. "I need to think. Alone."

I felt my heart clenching as my mind automatically jumped to the worst conclusion I could think of. "Spock please..... I need you, please don't leave me."

Spock's face lost the hard edge and intense pain and fear flashed across it. "I am not going to leave you. However I do need to be alone."

"Do you want me to go somewhere else? At least for tonight?"

Spock let out a deep breath and turned to the door. "That will be unnecessary. I do not know how long I shall be, do not wait up."

He left the room without another word.