I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Thirteen

A/N
Hey guys, there is self harm in this chapter, I will put ****** before and after, again, if it might trigger you please skip over. Be safe :/

*Spock's POV*

********

Poor Jim.

I was back at my room, staring sadly at the collection of razors sitting on the floor next to me.

Jim was going into this challenge with only me to back him up. Me, a disadvantage. I'm just going to let him down.

I tugged my shirt off and picked up one of the razors, playing with it in my hands.

Poor bastard partnered with Spock. Disadvantage.

I cut into my stomach, not too deeply, but enough to feel the edges pull apart gently, enough to feel the tearing sensation, then the burning, prickling sensation as my green blood began trickling in a small stream onto the towel I had folded in my lap.

I have heard some people refer to cutting as being like a drug, that the pain was drowned in a high that made everything feel okay, until it wore off of course.

It wasn't like that for me.

I feel the pain acutely, I feel every inch of inflamed skin throbbing, and that pain gave me focus. I concentrate on the pain, it is a bit like meditation, but I do not need to be calm for it to work.

Failure. Waste of space. Filthy half breed. Emotional human.

The words from my Vulcan tormentors sprung into my mind. I felt an illogical tear slipping out of my eye and running down my face.

I made another cut, deeper this time and just above the first, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath as the blood poured out, focusing my thought process on dispelling my emotions through the pain.

It did not succeed.

I cut a third time and tried again. Same results.

I tried again, deeper still, putting the razor down as my vision swam.

I fell back, hitting the floor with a barely audible thud as I lost consciousness.

.......

When I awoke it was dark.

I stood up and felt around for my light, turning it on and glancing down at the blood stained towel next to my razors.

I cleaned up quickly, destroying all evidence of the sick and twisted thing I had done and flopped into bed, a small frown crossing my face.

This was becoming more and more frequent, I really need to work on my meditation.

I rolled under the covers and lay on my back in attempt to stop the cuts opening again. Tomorrow I will be gong to a strange planet for a week with only Jim for company. Despite what had just happened I felt a spark of excitement and a warm feeling deep within me at the prospect, and fell asleep with a small smile on my face.

*********

I got down to the loading bay early and was immediately ushered over to where a small group of medical personal and Mr. Matthews stood.

"Good morning cadet, name?" A blonde guy holding a PADD asked. "Spock" I replied, watching skeptically as a he punched something in, then picked up a needle with my name taped to it.

I felt a small sting as he gave me the shot. "Good luck Spock, for future reference I never said this, but my moneys on you and Cadet Kirk" Mr. Matthews said while smiling warmly.

I frowned "you bet on which cadets will win?" he laughed and waved me over to the ship "I said nothing Cadet Spock"

I boarded the ship where I was joined by a bruised and weary looking Jim about 10 minutes later.

"Did you win?" I asked him, nodding to his bruised face and knuckles. I felt worry for him, anger at who did this, regret I was not there to help, and pride when he gave me a lopsided grin and said "Of course"

The ship filled up quickly with other cadets from our class, most looking either very excited or slightly nauseous.

Once everyone was seated a few medical students entered and began moving up and down the rows with their PADDs, checking the cadets and recording results.

McCoy came over to and began poking and prodding Jim "we're just testing to make sure the electrical currents are working properly" he growled in irritation as Jim squirmed away.

He finished and tapped something into his PADD, then repeated the process a bit less vigorously on me.

"Okay you two are good to go, try not to die" he finished the recordings and began walking away. "Good luck would have worked too you know" Jim called after him.

The medical students left the ship and a robotic female voice gave us the usual safety instructions for the trip to the mystery planet.

The engines shuddered to life and we lifted off.