I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Sixteen

*Spock's POV*

I rose with the sun and stuck my head outside the cave to observe our surroundings, only re-entering when I was sure whatever those beings from yesterday were are nowhere in sight.

I sat with my back against the cold, rocky wall and watched over Jim, a frown creasing my forehead.

Illogical. My growing affection for this human was very illogical, especially since we are both male and he has never shown any signs of being attracted to males.

Yet I appear to be unable to stop it, or even slow it down. And even as illogical as it is, I'm not completely sure that I wish to.

Jim's eyelashes fluttered open and he looked around sleepily before meeting my eyes, a smile stretching across his tired, pale face.

I stared tenderly back, unable to look away. "Spock" he said quietly, snapping me out of my trance like state.

I averted my gaze quickly and went to retrieve the Plomeek soup I had prepared the previous night.

"I did not wish to wake you, you were sleeping very peacefully" I informed him, handing him the food.

He accepted it with a nod of thanks and took a sip, closing his eyes "this is delicious Spock!" he exclaimed in surprise.

I felt something akin to pride at his compliment and tried not to preen. "I'm glad you enjoy my cooking" I replied.

He continued eating with enthusiasm, although I could see he was in pain. He saw me looking at him and glanced self-consciously at the blood crusting his skin.

"I should probably clean up" he said, putting the remaining Plomeek soup aside and gingerly getting up.

He was limping slightly as we left the cave and I resisted the urge to help him, knowing that he would not appreciate the gesture.

We moved cautiously, constantly moving between cover and checking for signs of the strange beings.

We made it to the river and I scouted the immediate area for threats, nodding to Jim once I was sure it was safe.

He bent down and began removing his shoes while I stood awkwardly by his side, unsure as to what I should be doing.

He finished and straightened up, pulling his shirt off to reveal a muscled chest and stomach, covered in small cuts and scratches along with some severe looking bruising.

I averted my eyes, partly out of respect to him, and partly because I felt all traces of logic slipping from my mind as I looked upon him.

Much to my relief (although secretly and illogically to my disappointment), he waded into the waist deep water without removing his pants.

His teeth chattered as he began washing the blood away, the cuts luckily not as deep as the amount of blood had led us to believe.

He made quick work of cleaning himself and completely submerged himself in the water before getting out, shaking his wet hair like a dog.

"Ok" he shivered "your turn". I looked at him in confusion, unsure as to what he meant.

He gestured to the water impatiently "No offence but you smell, think of it as a really cold bath"

"In the open" I said nervously, fully aware of the scars (and fresher cuts from recent weeks) across my stomach and chest that would be clear as day if I removed my shirt.

"I won't look" he sighed, turning around as if to prove it.

"Okay, don't" I instructed him firmly, only hesitating another second before pulling my shirt off and casting it aside, quickly submerging myself in the freezing water.

I quickly washed myself and clambered out, accidentally knocking a pile of rocks into the river, making a series of loud noises as they crashed into each other before splashing into the water.

"You alri-" Jim began, freezing as he turned and saw me.

I froze as his eyes ran down my front, widening as they traced over the bigger scars.

He took a few hesitant steps towards me and I snapped out of my trance, lunging for my shirt, pulling it back on as I turned around and began stumbling away from him in panic.

"Spock wait!" he called after me and I heard him begin to run after me.

He caught up quickly and grabbed my arm. I stopped and pulled away, rubbing where he had touched me and looking at the ground.

"I had no idea" he said sadly, staring at my stomach as if he could see through my shirt.

"No one did, that was the point" I snapped, trying and failing to push my emotions aside.

"Spock-" he tried again, reaching a hand out as if to touch me. Why? How could he have seen what I had done and not be sickened?

"I do not wish to speak of it" I told him, regaining some if my composure "I would appreciate some alone time to meditate" I prompted him when he just stood there staring at me sadly.

"O-Ok" he said, putting a hand on my shoulder "I will be in the cave, be careful and, when your ready to talk, I will be here" he squeezed my shoulder gently and walked slowly away, clearly not wanting to go.

I felt something stir inside me at his sadness, a feeling like maybe things will get better, maybe I don't always have to be alone anymore.

These thoughts are illogical. No matter how much I want to not be alone any more, this...... Depression I have will always be there, hovering in the background, waiting to emerge again.

And no matter how mush I wish Jim and I could be together someday, I am fully aware of how unlikely that is, even considering the possibility is illogical.

I checked my surroundings one last time before sinking into meditation, efficiently banishing all of my useless, illogical thoughts and emotions.