I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Thirty Eight

*Jim's POV*

"What is wrong Jim?" Spock asked softly, breaking me out of my trance.

We were at the library - studying again. It's been three day since I first saw the message and I've spent most of my time obsessing over the meaning and who sent it - and getting nowhere. The days have honestly passed in a blur.

"Nothing" I mumbled back. I didn't want to worry Spock so I still haven't told him why Pike wanted to see me - meaning I haven't told him about the message I received.

Spock slammed the textbook he was holding shut and glared at me. "Jim, I know you are hiding something from me, and I have given you plenty of time to divulge the information willingly. I do not wish to pry but in the last 3.45 days you have barely spoken to me or even looked at me. As the information that you are withholding has begun to affect our relationship I must demand that you reveal it."

He kept his voice low because we are in a public place and I gazed guiltily into his angry eyes, unable to believe that I have missed his growing anger and the barely shielded hurt beneath it for so long.

"Spock, I'm so sorry - I didn't realise how much it has affected you" I apologised quietly, bowing my head in shame and touching his clenched hands briefly. I couldn't feel any of his emotions, he must have his shields up again.

"I just want you to tell me what's going on, I want you to let me in" he pleaded and I sighed.

"I'm sorry, I know I should have told you as soon as I found out - I just didn't want you to worry. Pike intercepted a message from the attacker that was sent to me." I revealed and his breath caught.

"A threat?" he asked breathlessly and I shrugged. "Sort of - it wasn't that clear. I have it here, would you like to read it?" I offered and he nodded seriously.

I opened the message, the damned message that I have spent hours upon hours pouring over, trying to make sense of.

I passed it to Spock and examined his face as his eyes ran over the words, realising with a strong wave of regret that he was right. I've pretty much been in my own world these last few days and I've undoubtably been neglecting him.

I glanced around for Spocks sake to make sure no one was paying us any attention. No one was looking our way so I scooted my chair closer and grabbed his free hand, holding it tightly and resting my chin on his shoulder.

I felt him tensing at the contact and I felt another wave of regret as I tried to remember when I last actually touched him.

I've even gone back to sleeping in my own bed so that I would have more alone time to go over the message, and he was right - I can hardly remember when we last talked and I don't think I've touched him since before the meeting with Pike.

He must have felt my regret because he relaxed and squeezed my hand, sending enough of his emotions over to let me know that he was still angry and hurt, but he understood.

After he finished reading he put the PADD down and turned his head slightly. I pulled away but kept holding his hand as he looked at me in concern.

"I'm so sorry I kept it from you" I muttered again, reaching my free hand over to give him a kiss.

His eyelids fluttered closed when our fingers met and he sighed. "I know. I just - I missed you" he admitted.

"I missed you too, I'm so sorry I shut you out, I should have just told you." I apologised again and his eyes opened to meet mine.

"Please, just don't do it again" he begged and I felt more crushing regret as I felt just how much me pulling away really affected him.

"I won't, so the message - what do you think about it?" I asked and his eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"A very bad love poem" he offered, clearly trying to lighten the mood and I laughed in response.

"God, I love you Spock, any other thoughts?" His face lightened and he thought for a moment before responding.

"They were clearly one of your acquaintances from your old academy who was in love with you, I would guess they were quite close to you - or more likely they believed that you were close. It is quite possible that they knew much about you but you did not know them at all. Based on the way they referred to you as 'not really seeing them' you were unaware of their affection. They saw you transferring as a betrayal. They are angry, jealous and hurt - a dangerous combination, especially as I assume they suffer various mental illnesses. Obsession. Some form of Psychosis. Perhaps some from of...... What?"

He stopped listing the characteristics he thought they mystery attacker possessed and glared at my grin.

"I'm sorry, I just had a thought - you are like my very own Sherlock Holmes."

He frowned at the comparison. "I hardly see how I am like an old earth detective."

My grin dropped and I stared more intently at him, causing him to flush.

"No. You're much better." I told him and he looked away, clearly embarrassed by my words, gaze and - judging by the way he glanced around at the others in the library - the fact that we weren't alone.

"We should return to study" he released my hands and picked up his textbook again, gluing his eyes to it and clearly trying very hard to ignore my gaze.

"Okay, we will talk later and I will apologise again. At length. Then I'll make it up to you - whatever you want" I promised him and the colour in his cheeks deepened.

"You don't need to - I have forgiven you" he told me and I grinned. "I know" I muttered, deliberately brushing his hand as I reached for my PADD again.