I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Six

A/N
Hey guys there is self harm in this chapter, I will put some *** before and after so if you are likely to be triggered, please skip over, I will do this do for all future trigger warnings as well. Please be safe xx.

*Spock's POV*

I dumped my books on the table in the corner of my advanced tactical training classroom and sat down, thinking hard about earlier events.

Thinking about the possible T'hy'la bond had kept me up most of the previous night, leaving me sleep deprived and even more vulnerable to emotional turmoil then usual.

*****

I felt sick remembering what happened after that. The panic and pain at the thought of what would happen if he found out and used bond against me threatened to overwhelm me, so I did the only thing that can stop the emotions when they get to that point.

I got my razor and cut.

Once, twice the blood flowed smoothly from the neat slices on my stomach and chest.

Four, five times I dragged the sharp blade through my flesh, and the emotion flowed out of me as easily as the blood.

I found out this technique for ridding myself of emotions years ago, but I try to only use it if I have no other choice, only when if I did nothing I would explode. Only when I was really desperate.

*****

Next was the fight.

I was walking, hoping to get to class early and secure a good table out of the way, when I noticed a large group of people watching something.

I carefully made my way closer to see what was going on, just in time to see Hendorff shoving my T'hy'la.

I froze, powerless to do anything as he stumbled back, said something and dodged another shove.

I watched another guy come up behind him, and I tried to utter a warning but the words stuck in my throat.

I watched as my T'hy'la was punched, and determinedly got back up again, only to see the disappearing backs of his opponents.

I stood, still frozen as he said goodbye to his friends and started walking in my direction, rubbing his jaw where a bruise was beginning to form.

He looked up and caught my gaze, I hurriedly turned away and began walking as fast as I could without drawing too much attention.

I heard him calling out, perhaps to me, perhaps to someone else. But I didn't look back.

I hated myself, I should have done something, not just stood there and watched things unfold, I should have protected my T'hy'la at all costs, because I now have no doubt in my mind that we do share a T'hy'la bond.

The teacher droned on and on about negotiations, really, I don't know why I bother with this class, most of its just logic and thinking things through.

I found my self zoning out, recalling the feeling I felt around the blonde boy instead of listening. And I embraced it.

It was illogical, but right now I didn't really care. I had mixed feelings, on one hand I wanted to meet and get to know him, but the years of pain and fear overruled that, and I found myself wondering how he could use the bond against me.

I shook myself out of my pointless thoughts as I saw everyone get up and leave. Hmm, we must have been dismissed.

I walked along the path, close to the wall. it was quite a nice day, the sun was shining and the birds were singing, and despite the days previous events I felt quite at peace, strange for me.

I heard some laughter and looked up to see a group of tough looking guys walking in a direct line towards me.

This can't be good.