Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 100

Luke's POV

After mine and Aprils encounter in the bedroom earlier, I was feeling guilty, very guilty. I had decided to make tonight special and maybe that would make the ease better when I told her.

My stomach had been feeling tight all day since I had got home, I was sitting in the living room now speaking to all of the boys.

"So you're actually going to tell her?" Jai asked, I nodded.

"Fuck," Daniel sighed. "How do you think she's going to react?"

I shrugged, "I have no idea at all. It's not like it's bad. It's been planned for months, it may just upset her slightly," I said as they agreed.

"Slightly?" Beau seemed to laugh. "She might relapse," He said his eyes becoming wide at the realisation. "I don't want her to relapse," He swallowed.

"Me neither," followed James.

"Shit." Jai said. "What if this just sends her over the edge?"

"It won't, it's not like I'm breaking up with her, or any of you hate her." I told them. "And you have to remember she can be involved,"

"You're right." James nodded. "She can, Lindsay and your mum are sorting it all out for her."

"Anyway, April knows we have a job to fulfil. The Janoskians come before everything, no matter how much we love her, we have to do this." Beau said.

"But-I'm you know-" I said as Beau raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm in love with her." I said.

"Yeah, well. We all love her too." He replied as I rolled back into the couch.

"Whatever, I'm going to get changed." I sighed and got up, sulking back to my room, they all did really annoy me at times. Especially Beau, making me tell April because simply I'm her boyfriend. We should all tell her together, I mean it does include us all.

I rubbed my temples, the stress being slightly unbearable for me. I couldn't help but think about all the negatives this could bring me, all I wanted was for me and April to be happy, for her to be happy.

After getting changed, I sat in my room and didn't move off my bed. It wasn't time to leave yet and I wracked my brain with the worst thoughts possible, all the bad things that could come from this scenario.

"Stop being negative." I cursed myself, my anger filling up inside of me as my anger turned back to the boys.

I thought it was still ridiculous that I had to pursue this to her, because they simply didn't want to see her reaction and have to deal with it themselves.

I felt as if I could sleep for days at this rate, but I kept my eyes open as I couldn't fall asleep now. I needed to be out and meeting April at the place I wanted to take her, dead on 10.30, but I wanted to get there earlier.

Thoughts passed my mind about Aprils words earlier this morning, as she slowly slid up and down my body she spoke about me being the reason she was alive. It felt like I had been punched in the stomach, but at the same time happy I had made such an impact on her.

I didn't know where the future may take me and April. But I know it may be somewhere good, somewhere she is out of misery completely, and I could simply sit back and watch her smile.

Cutting all thought off, I checked the time. It was 10.10, I got up and put on my shoes.

Walking into the living room, all eyes hooked on mine. "Right I'm going."