Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 18

So today was leaving day and I was so exited. I had to be at the airport at 1am, and then my flight leaves around 2-am then I should land at 4am in the morning. I wish I was going during the day and didn't have to wait till tonight but I couldn't change time so I'd have to wait. I lay in bed listening to Maisys soft breathing and I wondered what all the boys were up too.

I then turned to get upset as I felt guilt wash over me, the fully guilt of leaving Maisy when she was going through problems with her boyfriend. Lindsay, she seemed really depressed lately and Maisy was trying to stop her mums drinking I mean why couldn't I do that? Why couldn't I help my mum get back how she used to be. She used to be the best mum in the world. We used to go out all the time, to the park. Have picnics. Laugh, just be so close. Then my dad came back, he originally left me when I was 2 and then decided to come back when I was 10 that's when my dads beatings started and my mum was suffering from depression because she didn't want him around, so she turned to drink and then that's when she turned. I know it isn't her doing it. It's the drink. I felt now determined more than ever to try when I get back to get my mum back to how she used to.

I felt so depressed now, and didn't know how to get myself happy again. So that's when I turned to cutting.

No.

Oh shit.

Why are you thinking about cutting April. I knew now the only way to get the thoughts out of my head would to be to cut. Then I could get on with my day and not have the thoughts spinning round.

Picking my body up from bed, I slowly walked out trying to not wake Maisy up, I tiptoed down the hallway into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me.

Going to the cupboard, I moved bottles and shampoos and toothpastes
until I found my little pot.

Opened it up and saw the shiny silver object that I use. I pulled my pyjama top up as I didn't want to keep constantly cutting on my wrists and arms. I went to my hip and slit 3 times across it as my breath hitched, I really need to stop doing this.

At least I had calmed down a bit and wasn't doing it every single night like I used too.

I held it with tissue for about 5 minutes as blood wouldn't go, until I had finally got rid of it and pulled my top down pressing my shirt against it to see if the blood would show through luckily the top was baggy and didn't.

I walked downstairs and I thought Maisy may enjoy something to eat on bed this morning.

I walked down and saw Gina on the sofa fast asleep.

And my day began.

LUKE'S P.O.V.

I woke up later than all the other boys and Brisbane was hot today, I couldn't get April off my mind. I wonder how she was. I was worried if she had done anything stupid, but I hoped not.

I still couldn't get my head around that I wouldn't be seeing her for another 2 weeks, or my mum for that matter.

I missed sleeping at Aprils, or April sleeping at mine.

I didn't have relationship feelings for her...yet. I just loved being in her company, and having someone there when I needed her.

I couldn't get the night out of my head when April touched me. It was amazing. I had never felt so close to her before, like it meant something it wasn't something stupid that I can sometimes do.

I got out of bed and walked down to the lobby where the boys were eating breakfast.

"Morning!" Skip shouted.

"Alright"

I sat down and ate some breakfast with the boys.

"Stop being so mopey, we all want to see April" Beau laughed obviously catching on to my dull mood.

James laughed, along with Jai.

"What's funny?" I said to them un-pleased.

"You only miss what April was doing to you in your bed" James laughed.

"She didn't do anything" I said starting to get annoyed and embarrassed.

"UHHHHH APRIL" Jai shouted as loud as possible.

My face went red.

"Nothing fucking happened you dick" James soon caught on to that I didn't find it funny and stopped.

"Sorry bro" he said.

I smiled as I didn't want any arguments.

I opened my phone and I didn't have any text from April, fuck why am I feeling like this.

"The show was sick last night so happy" Said Beau.

I nodded in agreement.

I lived for the fans, every single one of them meant the world to me and I loved traveling and doing shows for them.

I had to concentrate on the fans instead of having my head wrapped around everything else.

But I couldn't.

APRILS P.O.V:

By the time the day had passed it was 10pm, 4 hours till my flight.

We were all in the living room squashed together eating a takeaway and watching films like last night.

I then had dozed off around some time and woke up at 12, shit I had to get ready.

I walked upstairs and got out my last outfit which I had saved to wear so I didn't pack it. I wore my Levi shorts, white converse & my white Daisy's top which I thought was a beautiful white top that had laced daisies all over.

I wore my hair down and let my locks hang loose, applying my foundation to my face, spreading it all over making sure I didn't look like a orange but my foundation was quite pale anyway as my face was.

I then applied my eyeliner on, doing back strokes along the top and doing flicks on the ends, making them stand out and the blue in my eyes to shine out. Then applying black mascara to my eye lashes.

I put on a red coat of lipstick that I was sure would come off, but I put it in my back pocket just incase I wanted some more.

I smiled in the mirror and then sighed looking at myself as I felt I didn't look nice enough, before anymore negativity passed in my head I had to think of the good. I was about to get on my flight to see the boys.

I brushed my teeth and combed my hair once more and walked downstairs with my suitcase.

Lindsay was awake trying to sort out my passport etc. Gina was sitting up with her car keys in her hand waiting for us to leave.

Maisy on the other hand, was sitting up with the thin blanket wrapped around her, nearly half asleep.

"Right you ready?" Gina said to me.

"Erm..." I said feeling around my pockets to make sure I had my phone and other bits "Yeah" I said.

Everyone got up and walked to the front door with me and Mais at the front and Gina and Lindsay following us.

We got outside and unlocked the car, Maisy looked as if she was going to fall asleep standing up.

I laughed at her as we all got into the car, with me and Mais sharing the blanket in the back as Maisy fell asleep.

And the two in the front small talked.

Off to the airport.

LUKE'S P.O.V.

It was early in the morning around about 1am, I couldn't sleep because of Skips snoring because he wanted to stay with us tonight, which always caused problems and made me frustrated.

I text April to see what she was up too.

To: April xx

Fuck help me Skips snoring so loud and can't sleep, you up? Xxx

I locked my phone but instantly got a reply back.

From: April xx

Yeah but just about to go to sleep, night xx

She replied, well that's not happening tonight.

I had to go to the airport early tomorrow morning to collect my laptop charger, and I knew I was to sleepy to even be asked to get it but the new video needed doing.

I decided to do a small following spree to pass the time.

@luke_brooks small following spree RT this for a follow.

Once almost everyone RTed it I followed around 75 of the names, flicked on some music through my head phones to block out the sounds around me and fell asleep.

APRILS P.O.V.

Security checks and everything was done now I had to go and find my flight.

My auntie had resulted in tears as she was saying how worried she is, but them Gina reassured her the boys would be looking after me.

She smiled and nodded before pulling me off into the biggest hug she had given me. Running her hands from my hair onto my back, rocking me a bit.


"Ill see you next week, text me when you're on the plane and when you've landed, I mean it. I love you, have fun"

I then moved onto Gina who gave me a small hug and then asked me to tell the boys she missed and loved them lots.

I nodded.

"I will, see you soon"

Then Maisy who was also crying as we didnt have a clue now when we was going to see each other.

I didn't want to cry because of my makeup and it would cause Mais to get worse.

"Listen, when I get back we will see each other again soon I promise. I love you" I said hugging her tightly as she squeezed the hug, causing us to get tightly and closer together.

I leaned in and whispered in her ear, "If Charlie does anything, call me please" I said smiling as she nodded.

I said another goodbyes as I started to walk off alone, waving them off and shouting goodbye all the way as I walked over to my flight deck, where I handed in my ticket as I heard Lindsay shouting once more.

"I LOVE YOU APRIL" she shouted.

I waved again as they all returned it.

Brisbane. Here I come.





*so the boys are back next chap, so what do you guys want to happen in Brisbane? Someone said SEX scene? ;) or maybe loads of stuff! COMMENT below some ideas guys on what you'd like to see! Thank you! Remember to vote & comment! *