I Need You (Daryl Dixon Fanfiction)

Chapter 45

Daryl-

"Get off, let go of me." Ruth shoved my arms away, and fell of the bed onto the floor.

"You okay?" I looked at her.

"Am I okay, well let me think, no, I'm not okay! Did you not see what I did, I killed all those people, and didn't even flinch." She pointed toward the window," I'm no better then them, I might as well be one of them, dead." She sneered at me." I'm not one of the good guys." She fell back against the wall, curling her knees into her chest," you know why I left?" I stiffly shook my head," I left, because I decided I was done with people, my own father disowned me, then Rick. I decided I wanted to go back to how it was before you, before them, I wanted to be alone again, but somehow people kept finding me!" Tears rolled down her cheeks," they kept finding me." I got out of bed, and knelt down in front of her." No," she pressed her hands against my shoulders trying to keep me back," when I was out there, I was done, I wanted to give up, I was done, but part of me wouldn't give up, no matter how hard I tried. I even let a Walker bite me, stupid thing couldn't bite through my jacket, so I smashed it's head in." Chills went down my spine," even though I wanted to give up, the fighter in me wouldn't let me, so I let it keep dragging me along."

"Stand up," I grabbed her arms and forced her to her feet," now look at me," she glanced at me then back at the floor," you can't give up, you need to stay strong, if not for you then for me. I need you, I won't give up on you, no matter how far you push me away, I won't give up. I'll keep fighting, but I need you to keep fighting for me. It's just you and me-" She shoved me.

"Don't you get it, are you deaf or stupid? Every time we take care of one problem, another comes around. Whenever things start to look up, it all comes crashing down again! We're gonna be fighting for the rest of our lives." She looked out the window," I don't think I wanna do this anymore."

"You aren't going anywhere, you don't want to be out there anymore, you told me that." I grabbed her arms." You can't just give up."

"I lost my mom, she was torn right from my hands, I killed my sister, and the Saviors killed my brother, right in front of me, I don't even know why he was there, I just got him back, and now he's gone again." She lowered her gaze.

"I'm sorry." I spoke softly, dropping my hands to my sides.

"You know why, I was drawn to you?" I shook my head," you were me, you were what was going on inside of me. I could see your past written all over you. You knew how to keep it covered up, until something sent you overboard." She looked up at me," what happened to Carol?" Those words echoed through the room, and my breath caught in my throat.

"Carol's gone, you know that." Was all I could manage to get out.

"No Daryl, what happened to her?" She spoke darkly.

"I'm not talkin about this Ruth, I'm not an open book like you, I don't share every little thing Willy-nilly like you." I stopped, I could tell by the look on her face that I just hurt her, deeply," look I'm sorry, it's been a long week, for all of us, we've gotten hardly any sleep, we can pick this up tomorrow."

"I'm burying my brother tomorrow in Smalltown." She spoke quietly.

"I forgot, I'm sorry." I rubbed my face.

"You don't know everything about me." She said coldly as she walked past me curling up into bed. I just leaned back against the wall, and sank to the ground.

"Where did you go, when you left?" I asked, she kept her back to me.

"I wanted to go to Alaska," she said," stupid me didn't realize how long I would be out on the water," she sighed," I ran into some trouble in Florida along the way, minimal casualties, I made it out and headed for Alabama, then got as far as Oklahoma." She clenched her jaw.

"That's where your sister-" I didn't want to finish that sentence.

"Yup, I made her a nicer resting place, then decided to come back. If not for me, but for her and Tucker." She sniffed, she sat up and went over to her things hanging on the wall. She grabbed her knife, and her bow. She started mumbling to herself as she cut marks into her bow.

"What's that?" I asked as I got to my feet watching her mark it.

"Human kills." She said simply, that's when I looked at her bow hanging above her dresser, that one was pretty well covered in the same marks. She blew the wood chips off of the bow, and gently glided her thumb over it. She hung her bow next to the door, put her knife to her arm, and gave herself a large gash. She shakily put the knife back into its sheath, then grabbed a cloth from her bag holding it over her bleeding mark." It's a day I want to remember." She grumbled at me, climbing back into bed, nuzzling tightly under the blanket.

"This is the way we live now Ruth. If you don't have hope, what's the point of living?" She didn't speak, she didn't even look at me. I eased into bed behind her, then turned out the lantern.