A Nightmare's Fate

Paranoia

            “Yeah, it sounds nice.” I sit at the kitchen table and look at the wood, paying no attention to Periwinkle.

            She stops what she’s doing and comes next to me. “Freddy told me what happened . . . I’m really sorry for it. If I knew, I would’ve prevented everything from happening. I knew it would break your heart.” She holds my hand and rubs her thumb on the back of it and around my knuckles. Although I don’t know why she repeated her words from the other day; she should know that I already know what she said before, so why say it again?

            “You know what’s strange, though? Errik had said that Kenton meant for it to happen, like it’s destiny for us to be together . . . it makes no sense.”

            “Maybe it will soon enough or maybe we just made friends will a bunch of lunatics.” I chuckle at her remark and I look to her. Her face is so soft and her eyes are gentle; her whole stature is innocent and I can tell she means every word she has said to me. “Come on, I wanna show you something.” Her head bobs to one side as it points to the living room and I sigh in command and she sits me down on the sofa. Putting in a DVD, she sits with me and presses play on the remote.

            What comes up on the television are memories I have forgotten; memories I thought were no longer there, but now they are being played upon a screen. The first scene is where Kenton, Periwinkle, Jessie, and I were at the beach house back in California. We were in our bathing suits and Jessie was holding the camera while Periwinkle was stuffing her face with food. So the camera was focusing on Kenton and me.

             We were building a sandcastle in less than ten minutes, and it wasn’t going really well at the time. Kenton kept on piling sand up to the kazoo and I was just trying to make it look like a sandcastle, but it wasn’t working. At the end of the scene where we were introducing our project, Kenton gazed down at it and just stomped on the entire thing. I began laughing and helped him destroy our crappy castle.

            The television goes blue for a few seconds and then pops up with another scene, which in this one is at my old house; the one I grew up in. It’s my birthday. Kenton comes in with a giant cake and on the top had the numbers 16 upon it. But before it was served to anyone, Kenton had took a slice of it and chucked it at me. Even though he ruined a hairstyle of mine that I spent two hours on and my makeup that was done by a friend of Peri’s which happened to take an hour and a half to do, I enjoyed myself. I began crying and then laughing a few moments later.

            As the screen becomes blue for another few seconds, the next scene is quite odd. Kenton is inside of our old room and he’s alone. He appears to be sad, but as of now, I’m not sure. Wearing his dorky glasses, I shake my head knowing he’s going to do something embarrassing. He takes a breath of air and exhales, then his eyes make contact to the camera lens. “I’m sorry for what I have put you through; the hell I’ve caused. But from the very start of our relationship, Ray, it was meant for this to happen. I know it sounds crazy and doesn’t make sense, but you have to trust me.” Completely opposite idea of what I was thinking.

            I cover the bottom part of my nose and below, hoping to stifle my cries. Tears flood down my face like it’s a river and I’m used to it. Hearing his voice—the conversation he’s making out—sounds difficult to register in my mind. It is hard for me to know such a thing.

            Kenton carries on. “I knew that you and I were coming apart and there would be a day where I would become one of the fallen but I didn’t want you to grow old alone, regretting not to move on. I know you all too well, and that is exactly what would happen. Errik made you recover, didn’t he? I know we both lied and kept secrets from you, as well as Freddy, but please know that we just want what is best for you. It’s twisted, yes, but I love you and I want you to know that I’m doing this because of that. Sorrows consume the soul, Ray. But fate frees it; it’s like the wings of a bird that makes ‘em fly, allowing them to be free from their nest. And without fate, Raven, everything will drown in misery from the sorrows that is devoured. Okay, maybe not the best thing I was going for, but you got it, don’t you?”

            And then it ends.

            I’m speechless and I feel like going in the nearest corner and crying and being there for the rest of my life, but that wouldn’t happen. That won’t happen. Instead, Peri gazes at me and pats my knee, then stands to get the door for which I just realized someone on the other side was there. Jessie comes in with a smile plastered upon her face and in her hand is a bag.

            “Hello everyone,” she greets. “I brought some gifts, just to lighten up everything.” She hands me a bottle of red wine and Periwinkle a pair of shoes. We’re both excited and happy with our presents. I needed the alcohol and Periwinkle wanted a pair of good looking shoes. “I also brought over some movies we are able to watch.” She gets out a handful of movies. From Elysium to My Life in Ruins; we begin to start with Frozen.

*~*~*~*~*

At four O’clock in the morning, I lie awake in bed. My eyes dare not to close and my brain doesn’t want to shut off, doesn’t want to quit thinking of Errik and Kenton. My right arm is bent where my elbow is on a pillow and my hand is playing with my hair. My left arm is resting on my abdominal as I feel my body go upwards and downwards while I breathe.

            Closing my eyes and picturing each male’s face in my mind, tears cascade down my face. They both lied and kept secrets from me. How am I supposed to move on from that? How am I supposed to forgive Errik or Kenton or Freddy of it? Sighing, I open my eyes and see a ghostly figure of Errik. His lips curve into a small smile and his eyes shine bright. Turning my head to the right is a ghostly silhouette of Kenton as he does the same what Errik did. Facing towards the ceiling, I let out a breath of air and begin to sob my heart out.