Wild Side [h.s au]

Chapter 40

Tears quickly fill my eyes and I realise I'll have to hurt him, my lungs soon struggling to get some air, my lips parted as almost unbearable pain shoots through my arm where he's twisting it in a painful angle.  I give up trying to remove his arm and use my free arm to harshly elbow him in the gut, his grip faltering as a groan rumbles from his chest, my instincts kicking in and making me turn and jam my elbow into his jaw, his head swivelling to the side from the impact, his palm coming up to cover the wound. Unfortunately, he doesn't pass out.

"Harry, snap out of it!" I try once again, seeing my moves have only pissed him off further as his menacing eyes stare at me, my hands defensively placed in front of me. "Please, don't," I beg, my words a silent whisper as I take a step back, remembering my promise to him.

"I want you to fight if that happens again, I don't want you to hold back because of me."

"Harry-"

"Promise me," he pressed. "Promise me you'll stop me no matter what if it happens again."

I was silent for a few moments before letting out a sigh. "I promise."

But I don't want to fight him, I can't. Just the mere thought brings the bile into my throat, a shaky breath being expelled from my mouth. "Harry-"

This time, he takes me by surprise and does punch me, making my head turn sharply as the spot of the impact throbs with pain, but I don't react. My eyes glance at my bed where I keep my knife, a rational part of me screaming at me to run and use it to defend myself while the other one is preventing me from moving, hoping he'll snap out of it. He has to.

"Harry, I'm begging you." My lips tremble slightly as I try to hold back any tears, refusing to break now that he needs me to help him the most. There is still no recognition in his eyes, his whole demeanour showing me he's ready to kill me. "No!" I shout as he once again lunges at me, making me jump aside to avoid the attack, my legs carrying me toward my bed.

I jump on it and frantically throw away the pillows, grabbing my knife with shaky hands just as his fingers grab my hair and tug at the strands harshly, a yelp in pain leaving my mouth. He drags me backwards and throws me onto my back while I grip my knife, his hands coming up to my neck, gripping tightly as his eyes look into mine, his body weight pinning me onto the bed.

I can either let him kill me or do one thing I can to save myself. When the lack of air gets unbearable, my survival instincts take over and I muster enough strength to flip us over, our bodies falling onto the floor, him being the one to take the hit as he lies on his back, seemingly shocked by my sudden action.  I'm breathing shakily as I hold his chest with one hand, pressing the blade of the knife to his throat while I stare into his eyes, a heavy lump forming in my throat, my hands shaking from shock and adrenaline coursing through me.

"Please I don't want to do this, don't- don't make me do this, please," I mumble as I let out a sob, unable to hold back my tears anymore.

He keeps struggling under my grip, painfully gripping me wherever he can to throw me off him. I shake my head as hot tears spill from my eyes, knowing if he doesn't snap out of it, he will kill me. "I love you, please," I barely whisper, him not registering my words at all.

I can't do it. I remove the blade from his throat and he immediately seizes the opportunity to throw me off him, my body rolling away until I'm lying on my back. Now he's the one to get ahold of the knife and press it to my throat, the blade slowly cutting my skin as my palms gently cup his cheeks, forcing him to look into my eyes. "It will be okay."

He suddenly stills and his muscles grow tense, removing some of the pressure off my neck as he stares at me with furrowed eyebrows, the angry expression fading. Slowly, his eyes glance at the knife in his hand and back at me, his mouth parting in shock, his head shaking as if he can't believe what's happening. When his blurry green eyes finally meet mine again, I know I have him back.