Secrets Of Spring | Shigatsu Wa Kimi No Uso ;; Watari Ryota |

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Maika

Summer break comes to an end and I'm already dreading school. Work has piled up already and the stress of applying for high schools is weighing down on everyone, a total damper on everything. To add fuel to the fire, Kaori's seat is empty every day and Watari always talks about her--what he'll bring her, where he'll take her when she's discharged, etc. There's nowhere I can escape to, if I go to the dance room, I'll become tempted or even cry. If I stay in the classrooms, I'll sulk and look like a loner. The roof is my best bet at the moment.

I open the door to the rooftop and the white clouds and blinding sun hover above. I tread over to the green fence, my fingers running over the wire. Down below, I see Watari and his team playing on the field. He kicks the ball to the goal and scores while a group of girls outside cheer for him.

He glances up at me and gives me a thumbs-up. I weakly smile and he returns a cheerful one, then gets back to his game. I walk toward the middle of the roof and spin around.

"This area... Would be perfect for dancing,"

I pull my phone out of my pocket and select "Lie," then set my phone down while taking my shoes off. The orchestra emits from my phone as I step away, dragging my non-leading foot behind me to each beat while pointed.

Get away, away, away from me (get away, away from me)
Whatever it takes, save me, me (whatever it takes, save me)
It keeps happening even though I run away,

I start slowly when the pre-chorus plays, my body bending in fluid motions like a snake in a contemporary manner. My muscles start to lose feeling and I stumble to the ground, already struggling to breathe. I grab onto my leg and grit my teeth. I'm not this weak, I can handle this.

Caught in a lie
Find the me that was innocent
I can't free myself from this lie, give me back my laughter

I do a kickup to land on my feet. My back arches and my head slowly follows as I straighten up, I bring my hand up from my chest as if a string is attached and pulling me up by my heart. I lean forward to go into a rolling Gumbi. Once I land, I do a sequence of turns, my right foot starting in a coupe and then trailing up to my knee to go to pique, when I finish the turns, I kick my right foot up and lean back, going into a back walkover.

Caught in a lie
Take me out of this hell
I can't free myself from this pain
Save the me who's being punished

I continue improvising a fierce routine upon the roof that I've made into my stage. My body responds to the music, not my brain, it's as if the song has completely taken a hold of me and is reaching deep within my heart, taking those feelings that I've bottled up inside and displaying them through my movements. 

The song comes to an end and I collapse on the floor. The stage has turned back into the green roof. I gasp for air and my heartbeat feels faint despite it desperately trying to beat harder. Applause snaps me out of my daze and I jump.

"Hey," I hear a voice say once the clapping stops. Turning, I see Tsubaki standing at the doorway with my phone in her hand. "That was... Amazing. I've never seen you dance like that before, you should do it more often, what kind of style is it?" She walks over to me and hands me my phone, then plops on the floor with me.

"Thanks, Tsubaki, it's more contemporary..."

"I thought no one was here, I feel embarrassed..."

"So why haven't you been dancing lately? The last time I saw you dance was months ago in that competition. You always used to go to the studio to practice whenever we got even the smallest bit of free time,"

I shrug. "I don't know, burnout maybe?" I lie. "So why are you up here? I know that you weren't trying to look for me," I reply. "Looking for a place to be alone?"

Tsubaki's head droops down. "Yeah..."

"Wanna talk about it?"

She stays silent for a bit and then speaks up. "What do you think Kousei is to me? If anything, he's like a kid brother, right?"

"I think you feel something more than him being just a kid brother," I answer. "Am I wrong?"

"Ugh, I don't know. Kashiwagi thinks that he's something more than a friend to me, but I have feelings for Saito. We're going out so why would I like Kousei?"

"Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean you won't have feelings for someone else, the heart has a mind of its own. No matter what the brain says, the heart won't listen." I say. "I know that you've liked Saito ever since we started junior high, but your relationship with Kousei is more complex. You've known each other for your whole life and you can depend on each other. I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't like Kousei,"

"But he's such a dummy!!"

"You might have feelings for that dummy."

"Then what about you and Watari?" She turned it all on me, that's not fair.

"What about me and Watari?"

"You two are like me and Kousei--you've known each other your entire life, surely there's more to your friendship than what meets the eye,"

I lie down and look at the sky above. "What're you talking about, Tsubaki? Watari likes Kaori,"

"What if he liked you? Would you accept him?" Tsubaki asks.

I freeze. "Don't talk about scenarios that'll never happen,"

"Even if by some miracle he did like me and confessed, I don't know if I could accept. How could I keep my illness from him if we were more than friends?"

♪ ♪ ♪

I just ate a bunch of Chinese food and I'm stuffed.... This always happens after dance when I work really hard at ballet (I'm in a level three pointe/ballet technique class when I should be in a level one/two class because I just started pointe this year so I have to literally sell my soul in order to keep up with the seniors) and then come home and eat a bunch of food...

Rachel✍