Incompetent (phan)

Chapter 37

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DAN'S POV

The first week wasn't too bad. I couldn't sleep, but what kept me going was the certainty that he'd come crawling back to me soon.

The second week was slightly worse. I thought he was holding out to piss me off. But I still held onto the fact that we would be together again in a few days.

By the third week, my body and mind were aching from sleep deprivation. But, I bit the bullet and went about my daily business. It would be over soon, surely.

The end of the fourth week is when it all went downhill. I was driving myself insane. I couldn't be bothered to eat, to sleep. So I guess it was no surprise that I broke down in the middle of a meeting. I dismissed the meeting before anyone could notice that something was wrong and practically ran up to my office to double check my suspicions. A quick glance at the calendar proved I was right. It had been exactly a month since I'd heard from Phil.

And then I was hit by the realisation that, no, he wasn't coming back.

It was the first time I'd ever cried over something so pathetic and it made me hate Phil Lester even more. I spent the rest of that day nursing my emotions in bed. I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter that Phil wasn't coming back. It didn't matter because I was better off without him. It didn't matter, because I didn't even like him that much, anyway.

After that day, I was constantly filled with a bleak sort of emptiness. Miss Margaret started forcing me to eat and I didn't protest much. I made myself fall asleep by taking sleeping pills. To the casual observer, I would've looked the same as always. On the inside, I was an unrecognisable mess.

I never knew what day it was anymore. I never bothered to check. Before I knew it, it was the middle of December. I had just returned from work and was even more exhausted than usual, considering it was the end of the week. I was sitting at the breakfast bar watching Miss Margaret make me dinner.

"I'll be flying to my daughter's next Tuesday, is that alright?" she asked, stirring whatever was in the pot. I was sure she had told me but I wasn't exactly listening to her.

I nodded.

"That's the 20th."

I nodded again, not having anything to say.

"Dan," she turned around to look at me. When I didn't respond, she leant towards me. "Dan, promise me, you'll eat."

I nodded.

"Breakfast, lunch and dinner. And snacks in between. I'll leave you some pre-made food in the fridge. All you'll have to do is put it in the oven for half an hour or so. Ok? I'll come back on the 3rd. I'll only be gone two weeks. Are you sure you'll manage?"

"Yes," I muttered. "Send Jenny my greetings," I added, trying to ease Miss Margaret's worries.

"Will do," she sighed. "Dan, I don't know how I feel about leaving you alone. I feel like you might forget. Are you not going to stay with your family?"

I shook my head. No, I hadn't spoken to my family for longer than I hadn't spoken to Phil. Every time I picked up the phone to call one of them, I was reminded with their fascination with Phil - especially, my mum's. I wasn't ready to break the news yet. So I sent them weekly updates, texts like, 'so busy with work' or 'missing you', and that seemed to be enough for them. 

They hadn't asked if I was coming over for Christmas, but I would just tell them that I had too much work.

"You'll stay here?" Miss Margaret asked and I nodded. "Alone?" she emphasised, and suddenly I was irritated.