As Told By Nerdy

Chapter 51 - Goodbyes

“Great. The song is called… Sarah,” he said and my heart practically hurtled out of my chest. He counted and a piano introduction followed. It was a slow but lively tune that gave a warm feeling in my chest. The fluttering in my stomach doubled. Closing my eyes, I fumbled on the pause button and stopped myself before my resolve weakens.

I stared at the blank screen for a while, blinking back a tear before I heard soft knocks on my door. I swallowed hard and said, “Come in.”

Becky entered smiling widely with tears in her eyes. Without a word, she sat weakly on the edge of my bed.

“How did it go?” I asked.

Wiping her tears, Becky gave out a weak laugh. “As expected, I am now officially Matt-free. At least we can all be friends now,” she said still smiling. “It’ll take a while but soon, I’m going to be good as new.”

I nodded and stroked her shoulder trying to think of something comforting to say but couldn’t. Becky might seem overly optimistic despite her breakup with Matt but I knew she was just putting up a brave face so I wouldn’t have to worry about her. Knowing Becky, she could still be blaming herself for all that happened.

“You don’t have to join my newly-widowed club, you know,” she lifted her teary eyes at me. “You definitely have to sort things out with Leon.”

“First of all, Matt’s not dead so, technically, you’re not going to be accepted in the newly-widowed club. Secondly, the two of you weren’t even married—“

“I know, I know, Miss Smarty pants,” Becky said giggling as tears continue to spill out from her eyes. I knew how hard it was for her to act cheerfully even if she hurt like hell inside. That was just so Becky.  “You should’ve listened to that song.”

Giving out a quiet laugh, I wrapped my hands around her. Song or no song, I knew what I had to do.

Kidnap was pacing back and forth the foot of the stairs. His tail wagged at a hundred miles per hour when I headed down the stairs. When I got to the door, he darted pass me and sprinted excitedly to the front yard, his lopsided tongue dangling up and down as he did.

I knew why the puppy was so antsy to get out. Leaning on the tree in front of Emma’s yard was Leon in his nerdy suit. He appeared startled when Kidnap suddenly jumped onto his lap. Leon’s gaze shifted to the door as he picked up my puppy.

A sad little smile curved the corners of his lips when he saw me standing. Leon looked pale. His vacant cerulean eyes seemed to flicker to life, full of anticipation and relief. It almost made me want to change my mind and turn away just seeing him hopeful because I know I came to crush what little sliver of hope that remained in him.

“Leon,” I started to him clutching a letter in my hands. “We need to talk.”

He nodded and followed me as I led him to the backyard garden. The sweet smell of flowers filled the air as we sat side by side near the cobblestone path lined with lilies and blue hydrangeas. I touched the petals of the bouquets of blue flowers. I couldn’t help but smile.

When autumn comes, all of these flowers will wither and I had no plan of replanting the garden. The less evidence of Leon’s existence in my life, the better.

“I don’t want to break up,” Leon’s voice was firm as he lifted his gaze. A gentle wind swept his dark hair.

“How long do you think ‘til it snows?” I said looking up at the cloudless skies.

For a moment he gazed quizzically at me then answered, “Four, maybe five months. Why?” He seemed distracted.

“Too bad the flowers won’t last very long,” I said tracing each blue petal with my fingers.

“Sarah, what are you trying to say?” He sounded a little uneasy. “I’m not giving up no matter what you say or do and that’s final.”

I gave him a half-hearted smile. “You know why I like hydrangeas better than stargazers now?”

“You’re not making any sense Sarah,” he sighed closing his eyes. “Please, listen to me. I love you. Stop doing this to me. It’s driving me insane. Do you think I’d do this if I wasn’t telling you the truth? At first, I admit that I tried to get close to you to make sure my secret’s safe. But I fell in love with you right at that moment when I first saw you cry—“

Letting out a loud chuckle, I gave him a wry smile, remembering that night Mom invited Leon and Arthur in our house. It was hysterical.

“Who wouldn’t? Honestly, I thought you would actually stuff me and Emma in a duffel bag and dump us at some random river.”

He shook his head, distracted by my attempt to stray off the topic. “The point is I know I’ve done stupid things and I don’t really expect you to forgive me… but I’m hoping—“

Before he could continue rambling and convince me to forget my resolve, I reached out for his hand. It just reminded me how I really missed him.

“They remind me of your eyes,” I mumbled mustering the courage to meet his gaze and smile.

“W-what?” he asked dumbfounded.

“The hydrangeas—they remind me of your eyes. And when I look at them, I keep having this funny feeling in my stomach. It’s weird and wonderful at the same time. But somehow, it scares me that I’m keeping that wonderful thing from the rest of the world.”

Leon’s face dimmed as he closed his eyes and swallowed hard.

“Look at me,” he said cupping my face with his gentle hands. It made me want to break down just seeing the apprehension on his face. “You’re not keeping me from anything. If you can just see how much things changed for me since I found you… For once I feel like I have a purpose. Every single day, all I want is to make you smile and stay beside you for the rest of my life.”

A tear rolled on my cheek but I managed to smile despite the wrenching pain in my chest. “You have to take your life back but you can’t do it with me as a dead weight.”

“No…Sarah, please…” he said feebly, his voice breaking.

Stifling a sob, I gently removed his hands from my cheeks—remembering how they felt for the last time—and placed a light blue envelop on them. He stared at the letter for a while as though the skies just fell on him. I tweaked the dark hair that covered his eyes and leaned over to his shoulders.

For a brief moment, I folded my arms around him, feeling the tears streaming down my face. I kissed him on the cheek, stood up and walked away before I could change my mind.

Perhaps, someday, we would see each other again. By that time, I hope that we both moved on so we could smile and look each other in the eye without any regret. My knees buckled but I struggled to take one step after the other.

Don’t look back.

Keep walking.

That’s it.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

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---THE END---

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First, I wanted to thank all of you people who showed their support til the last chapter of this story-- this one. Not! Gotcha there! Did you really think I'd let it end this way? So please fan or vote or comment or do cartwheels if you like this chapter. But wait! There's more! :) so don't go away XD

I love you all,

~shim (swimming in a cookie pool)