As Told By Nerdy

Chapter 51 - Goodbyes

Dear P.S.

You are the best girl in the world! I promise I’ll marry you when we grow up.

Love,

Matt

I wasn’t even sure what marry meant that time. I honestly thought it was something you get to do at Christmas. So I promised to marry with him. But when I asked Dad about it, he went ballistic and told me to go to Matt and take back my promise. So I did. And after that Matt started to bully me.

“Matt,” I started, unsure of what to say. “It’s really sweet that you didn’t forget about all of these but… but I could only wish I knew what I was doing back then. I didn’t want to make you sad or break your heart, believe me.”

“I’m guessing that’s still a no,” he smirked bitterly and shook his head, his eyes betraying his cool. “I can’t believe I went so low like this. But I’m glad I did. At least I tried until the very end.”

With a concerned smile, I patted his dark hair like how I used to do as a comforting gesture when we were still little. “I missed you Fat Matt,” I said sitting on the grass beside him.

A tense quiet filled a few moments before he looked up at me with a smile that touched his big brown eyes. “Me too, Nerdy.”

I went to my room as I let Becky and Matt talk privately in the living room. Sighing, I pulled a big box from under my bed. Inside it was the stuff Leon gave me—a bulky portable rope-ladder and a couple of unlabelled CDs.

It occurred to me that I still haven’t watched the other CD but it didn’t really matter anymore since I was intending to give them all back to Leon. Leaving no trace of him—that was the plan. It would be as if I never met him at all. He was but a dream; a good one but still a dream.

Probably, it was a very wrong move but I found myself in front of my computer, about to load one of the discs on the player. I shook my head, hesitated for a while and played it anyway. Just one last look.

The video began playing. It was the song Invisible To You. It was obvious that it was Nathan who appeared in the music video but the song was all Leon. I closed my eyes and felt my heart race contentedly at his soft mellifluous voice.

I promised not to play in your cruel games, you know it’s true

That if I could I’d touch your face and feel your breathing

Hold you tight, look into your eyes because I’m dying

Close your eyes, come to me, hold me tight, just for tonight

I can’t stand being here just to be invisible to you

The familiar scenes of the video reminded me of the last few months. I remembered the time when we ignored each other for weeks, pretending that he didn’t exist and perhaps, vice versa. A sinking feeling settled in the pit of my stomach as the song ended.

Mist started to form around my eyes but I swallowed hard and blinked them back as I played the other CD. It was a demo record.

“Okay,” Leon’s voice filled the room and that was when I realized how I missed him. “So this is still a working progress. I’m not yet done with it.”

Another voice answered. “We don’t have that much time Leon. Your album’s due at the end of the month.” It was Gerald’s muffled voice, maybe from outside the recording booth.

“I know, I know. But give it a chance. I swear I’ll finish it in time and it’s going to be awesome,” Leon reassured his manager.

There was a slight static pause and the sound of guitars strings being tweaked then Gerald spoke again from the speaker. “Okay, let’s hear it.”