Solace
'It will give you strength'
"Kuya," nakita ko ang maliit na Blaise na nasa dilim. I'm staring at her. She's crying.
"Mama," my heart aches. Ganito ba ako? My family did nothing. At binuhay ako ng mga Clarkson para maramdaman ko ung sakit.
"Harpers," napatingin ako sa nagsalita. The silver mask guy. Nasa likod siya ni maliit na Blaise. He was holding a gun.
At tinutok niya un sa ulo ni Blaise. Before I took my gun out, a gunshot echoes in the dark place. Napatingin ako sa batang Blaise. She is now lifeless. She is now bathing in her own blood.
"Ikaw naman ang susunod."
Agad akong nagising. I was panting. Lagi nalang ba siya dadalaw sa panaginip ko. I'm sweating hard kahit na may aircon sa tahimik kong kwarto. Napapikit ako at napatingin ako sa gilid ko.
Si Rye.
Nakadukdok ang ulo niya sa gilid ng kamang hinihigaan ko. For the past 3 days, pinagpahinga ako ng mga Elites. At nandiyan si Rye para tignan ako. I stand up and did my morning routine. I look at myself in the mirror. I was crying as hell for these past few days. My eyes are now swollen.
But still, hindi ko sinabi kay Rye ang lahat. He doesn't know anything at hindi na niya un kailangan pang alamin.
Pagkalabas ko, nandoon na si Rye sa lamesa. He transfered Hailey to a different room kaya kami lang dalawa dito. May mga tauhan na nagsidatingan na may dala-dalang mga pagkain. After nun, lumabas sila at inayos ni Rye ang kakainan namin.
Hindi naman sa baldado ako or what. Wala lang talaga akong gana sa paligid ngayon. I look at Rye.
"We are not related. Hindi ko rin 'to hiniling sa'yo. So may I know the reason why you are doing this?" I asked. He didn't dare to glare at me instead, he just eat.
"Because you needed to," sagot niya later on. Ganito lagi ang routine namin. Gigising, mag-aayos, kakain, magtatanong at kukumbinsihin na niya ako lumabas. Ayoko kasi lumabas.
I wanted to isolate myself from the others.
Kumain lang ako. Biglang nagbukas ang pinto at tumambad doon si Ryder na may dalang mansanas na kakainin niya.
"Kamusta?" Tanong niya na may ngiti sa mga labi niya. "Fine," Rye answered.
Ganito lagi kami. Kung hindi si Ryder ang dadating, si Damon, o kaya si Veron. They are convincing me to do another illusion. Pero hindi ko pa kaya.
"We will wait for you to recover," sabi ni Ryder while biting his apple. I just smiled bitterly. Hopefully. After that, Ryder went out dahil magtetraining pa sila. Rye and I just sat on a different couch. Silence always taking place on this room.
Napatingin ako sa orasan, 10 am. This time, I should be training. Sa lahat ba naman kasi na training, bakit nasali-sali pa ang illusion?
I just sighed. Napatingin ako kay Rye. He's just reading a magazine. Paulit-ulit niyang binabasa yan. Iyan lang naman ang mababasa dito sa kwarto ko. Malamang naiinis na sa'kin si Rye. Baka nga pinapatay na niya ako sa isip niya.
But I didn't ask for him to stay instead I ordered him to leave but still, he is here, staying with me. Biglang tumayo si Rye. Hindi ko siya masisisi kung aalis siya ng walang paalam. It's boring though. I never talked to him. I just don't want to.
Nagulat ako nang hatakin niya ang braso ko at kinaladkad papaalis. My forehead crumpled. Saan ako dadalhin nito?
We walked in the hallway heading for the elevator. Hindi pa rin niya binibitawan ang paghawak sa braso ko. We went inside the elevator. He pressed the ground floor. We're just quiet. Like the first time we met in this elevator.
The elevator opened and he grabbed my arm again and we walk heading for the exit of this academy. I didn't questioned him. Instead, I just watched him.
Why are you acting like this Rye?
Naglakad lang kami at napagtanto ko na nasa gubat kami. We walk and walk until we stopped on a tree.
"Climb," he said rather commanded.
"For what?" I asked.
"Just do it," umakyat ako tulad ng inuutos niya. I climbed and sat on a branch. He sat beside me. Dito, kita ang magandang view. Malaki kasi ang punong 'to.
"You manage to climb and see the beautiful view. Why not step into your fear to see your bright future?" I looked at him while he was looking at the view.
"You brought me here to make me realize that huh?" I said and he nodded.
"Facing your fear won't kill you. It may weaken you but in the end..... " he stopped and looked at me.
"It will give you strength," dugtong niya and he sighed.
"Hindi madali 'yang sitwasyon mo. I've been in that stage for 5 months," napalingon ako sa sinabi niya. "What happened?" I asked.
"My mother died, ambushed by the Clarkson clan. I was just 17 years old back then, too young to fight," he said and I felt sorry.
"I never talked to somebody even Ryder. I blamed myself for what happened. For 5 months, I suffered and let the pain grow," he said and smiled a bit.
"Atleast it just took 5 months.. unlike me." I said and smiled bitterly.
"Because I cut off the stem, not letting it grow longer," sabi niya at making me let a heavy sigh.
Hindi madali sa'kin ang nangyari. Gusto ko man sabihin kay Rye pero hindi ko kaya. Hindi ako sanay na may pinagsasabihan.
We were quiet for 10 minutes. I don't know what to say.
"Thank you," nasabi ko nalang. It is true. I am very thankful that he never leave. He tries to understand me with all his might.
"No problem. Just tell me when you are ready for the training," sabi niya at bumuntong hininga ako.
I wanted this. Hindi ako magpapakahirap sa eliminations para hindi makasali sa battleship. Kaya dapat hindi ako nagiging ganito. I should not be a coward.
"Give me another 3 days. After that, we will do the training sessions," I said that made him smile a bit.
"Good to hear that," sabi niya and at the back of my mind, all I can say is 'thank you Rye.'
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