The 80s

Reckless Mind

May 1982

So i'm on my way to Radio City to do my first run through, well my only run through of the day. I'm doing full dress rehearsal, so I can review the tape and make sure everything's perfect.

I didn't sleep last night. I had the song running through my head the whole night, counting the routine and everything. I'm just too anxious and excited.

I rolled down the window and peeked my head out, waving and blowing kisses to the fans. "Hi babes!!!"

I stepped out the car, Victor put my head down leading me into the building. As soon as we made the clear I sprinted towards the stage to get my rehearsal in.

Although i'm 16, my career is very much in my own hands. Yes my record company directs but my live performances are all my own. No one can tell me what to do when it comes to my music. I write it, I produce it. I may have help. I know can't do this alone, but at the end of the day it's my vision.

"You need to go over that combination, when we need to get you ready. We're gonna get all your girls with you somehow. We need to find a room and go over the choreography. Especially that first chorus."

"Yeah." I hopped up onto a speaker case. "cause the first chorus is where I messed up."

I hated award show performances, they put the most stress on me. The crowd isn't the same as concert crowds. It's a bunch of snobby celebrities, who think their so above everything that they can't get up and dance, or sing along or anything. I'll be the first to admit you have some who'll get up and dance but most just sit and observe, like bitch i'm not dancing my ass off to get a head nod.

"Let's start it over." I sighed, resting my head on my fist. I looked around and everyone was yawning and rubbing there eyes. This was the 8th time, i've watched this playback. "I'm sorry y'all, this has got me really stressed out."

As I was watching it my stomach churned and churned the further I got into the performance. "That don't look good." I cut my eye at my production manager as he made notes before looking back at the screen. "The angles and the lighting is not pretty as a whole."

Everyone kept making their suggestions and they all started talking at one time. Even having the nerve to talk down to me and around me as if I was too young to make the decision about my own show. I'm singing this song, not them.

I snapped my fingers to get my mom's attention. "Momma...pass me my bag."

She shot me a pained look that only your mother can give as I whipped out my notebook. I was on tour promoting my album, I was stressed, I was tired, I was hungry. But I can't be tired. I can't show weakness. If i'm slow everyone is slow. I set the tone.

I propped my feet up on the vanity, crossing my ankles over eachother. "Play it again."

I bit the end of my pen carefully watching the ends and outs of the performance. Dancer's were slow, worst of all the lighting was god awful.

"And I hate all that ugly blue light. I'm a black girl, you don't put blue light on black girls. Even if....I'm red, that blue doesn't fit. It should be a warmer blue. I told y'all I wanted pink and purple anyway." I wrote down another note in my notebook to change the light.