LOST BOY.

|fifty eight

our vacation was almost over.

tonight was our last time here for awhile.

in a few hours we would be back at the dorm.

i took a lot of time to myself during these two weeks.

it's amazing the kind of things you can learn from being by yourself for awhile.

how many things you never even knew.

small habits.

little routines.

reoccurring thoughts.

i used to stare up at my ceiling wanting nothing more than to get away from myself for so long.

wishing i could just block out my mind.

'everything would be so much easier if i could just be someone else.'

everyone hates themselves.

it's natural.

they may like the way they look.

or appreciate how smart they are.

maybe even feel proud of their body.

i was never that kind of person.

i saw them as liars.

they are, but lying is what got them through those emotions that destroyed some of us.

you were like that.

when i first saw you, i thought you were this hot, cool, confident, badass guy that would never look in the mirror and think you were anything less than perfect.

then, i got to really know you.

you hated yourself inside out.

every little freckle and hair.

you acted out to hide how scared you really were of the world.

you put down others because you were obsessed with your own flaws.

you pretended not to care to cover up that you cared too much.

you drank to forget what it felt like to be alive for awhile.

you smoke in hopes that one day it would make you stop breathing.

you cut yourself to feel something other than numb.

you broke my heart just to forget how shattered yours already was.

you made me a suicidal mess just to distract yourself from the fact that you already were one.

you've taught me a lot about life yoongi.

so, thank you.