LOST BOY.

|forty seven

a smile took over my face as they cheered.

this time it was genuine.

so much support and positivity in one venue.

why didn't i appreciate this so much sooner?

it was amazing.

i didn't focus on my mistakes this time, i just had fun.

it didn't feel like a job, it felt like a dream.

exactly what it really was.

and i wasn't alone in this dream.

i had five of my closest friends and the love of my life.

i was living a fantasy and it was nice knowing that if i woke up it was still here.

every little thing in my life is something i should be grateful for.

my friends.

my mother.

waking up in that hospital.

jungkook.

this slow recovery.

you.

i used to get so angry when people said "it gets better".

my mind told me it was a lie.

others may get better, but you'll always be a useless waste of a human.

the problem wasn't the fact that i was thinking this, it was that i believed it.

i refused to even slightly accept the idea that one day i could get better.

that one day i wouldn't hate myself anymore.

yet, here i am.

there's nothing you can say to anyone to help them get better if they don't believe they can.

that's why they tell you to do it for yourself.

don't change for anyone but you.

you're the only one who can truly set yourself free from that negativity.

you're the only one one can make yourself believe.

let go.

get better.

be happy.