run of the mill.

23rd

Shawn yawned and pulled into the entrance of the four seasons hotel and sighed in tire. He was not in the mood to deal with any paparazzi and he was grateful for the hotels confidentiality clause because the paparazzi had yet to find out that him and Beyonce were living apart. It was a funny thing; the biggest piece of dirt they could get their hands on seemed to be eluding them expertly. They really were stupid when push came to shove.

Shawn parked his own car, something he hadn't done in a while since Beyonce decided to take up residence at a fucking hotel instead of at home where she needed to be. He entered from the parking garage and didn't bother with introductions or permission. For what he was giving this place, they had no right to even ask him if he wanted a suite. One just needed to be available.

He walked to the elevators and took it up to the sixth floor, stopping and room six-twelve and knocking. Shawn leaned against the door jamb and yawned again. He'd just gotten out of practice and he wanted to hold his baby girl and maybe her mother of heaven allow.

Beyonce opened the door and peaked out. Then she opened it wide when she saw him and walked away, leaving him to enter when he wanted to. Shawn stepped inside and took note of her attire. It was an off combination of thick black sweatpants that looked like it was layered and a USC sweatshirt with a turtleneck he could see underneath it. Her feet were clad in socks and tennis shoes.

"Hey," he called to her approaching the bedroom portion of the suite. Beyonce was sitting at a vanity putting her hair into a ponytail. He spotted Jamie lying on her back looking around oddly. Her eyes were a little stronger, Shawn could tell. But they were still unfocused.

"Hi," Beyonce replied.

"She been quiet like this all day?"

Beyonce huffed. "No," she replied shortly.

"Where you headed?" Shawn couldn't help but asking. He didn't want to pry but... he wanted to know.

"Nowhere, gonna work out."

Shawn rolled his eyes. She was going to run herself ragged if she kept exercising like she was. Beyonce put about three hours down in the gym a day. She was not playing around when she said she did not want to be fat. Now the hours, because of the baby, were never consecutive. She might do a little here and a little there, but they added up. She only took Jamie at night when no one else was in the gym and she could sit the infant in front of her treadmill while she jogged.

The two of them had seemed to form an understanding; Beyonce fed her and changed her diaper right before they went down to the gym. And like clockwork, Jamie would remind her it was time for them to go two hours later when her diaper was soiled and she was hungry. It was a nice little schedule.

And that last hour of practice would be when Shawn stopped by every evening to hang out with Jamie. It seemed like she, Beyonce, didn't want to be around him because she would take off as soon as he got there and come back to her own little world.

"She just ate. I burped her but you might want to do it again. Her diaper should be clean until I get back."

"I can change her diaper you know," Shawn said.

Beyonce stood from the vanity and started towards the exit. "Whatever, Shawn." And then she was gone.

Shawn shook his head and looked at Jamie. "She still hates me?"

Jamie blinked and looked at him, focusing solely on her father and the look made Shawn smile. But the frown at her eyebrows seemed to scream 'what do you think, stupid?'

He picked up the remote controller and found that it was already on a channel he wanted he watch; ESPN. Shawn smiled in satisfaction and stood to take off his shoes and jacket. He undid his belt because he knew it was going to dig into his side and then he lay back on the bed with Jamie in the space next to him. Her tiny body next to his bigger one seemed to fit perfectly. His first born, he thought looking down at her with a frown on her face. He noticed her pacifier had fallen out of her mouth and she whined quietly, ready to build momentum if that didn't change.

Shawn quickly assessed the problem and put it back into her mouth. She looked at him again with those gorgeous, light brown eyes and then she let them drift closed. All she did was sleep but Shawn understood that she was just resting up for the next eighteen years of her life when she would drive him crazy. He couldn't wait.

"My first born," he said to himself as she drifted even further into her innocent dreams.

Beyonce wiped her forehead and finished up the last few minutes of her cool down on the treadmill. She was nowhere near losing her baby gut since she'd just had the baby two weeks ago. However, there was still some solidity she could feel underneath the nasty little pouch she was determined to lose. It had lost some of its velocity since she worked out in long sleeves and layers. Beyonce had to admit she missed working out but she was mainly doing it because she hated her baby weight.

Beyonce stepped off of the treadmill and went to the mats in front of the mirror and started her hundred sit ups.

By the time she was finished, she was ready for her shower and a nice lay down in her bed. Her body was tired after such a strenuous workout. She took the elevator back to her room and unlocked the door casually.

Shawn was asleep on her comfortable bed with Jamie tucked beside him. They slept so comfortably Beyonce didn't want to disturb him. She knew he'd just got back from practice and she was a growing infant so she didn't disturb them. Even though she should have disturbed everything that brought Shawn peace, she slithered around the room quietly for her belonging and then wandered into the bathroom to wash her hair and shower. It felt so good to get the remains of a workout off her skin. She washed the sweat and stench away and dressed in her night clothes in the bathroom.

Beyonce decided to crash on the couch until Shawn woke up and decided he wanted to leave. She picked Jamie up, much to the infant's displeasure, and changed her. Beyonce expertly placed her back at Shawn's side without disturbing his slumber.

Turning toward the front of the suite, she went to the couch with a blanket and a pillow she'd gotten from the extra linen's closet. Beyonce wanted a TV but there wasn't one in there so she squeezed her eyes tight and tried to go to sleep. A restless slumber came minutes later due to her demanding workout. She couldn't help it. She wanted her baby belly gone within the next three to four months.

Shawn blinked and let his eyes adjust to the surrounding light. There was none but the glare of the TV. He sat up and looked around, recognizing that the mattress was much firmer than the one he had at home. He grimaced and looked around, feeling a tiny ball next to him absentmindedly kick one of the tiny legs she didn't even know how to use yet. Shawn looked at her and grinned to find that Jamie was side awake, just silent. It was odd for a newborn and Shawn realized it was purely because she was a daddy's girl... literally. Jamie never cried or misbehaved when he was around.

She was always on her best behavior.

Shawn grinned and lifted her legs, sniffing her diaper to see if she was wet. One gentle sniff told him she was more than wet and he moved his legs away in disgust. Shawn picked up the smelly baby and grabbed a blanket, spreading it in the bed and sitting her back on it.

"You know you can blow up a diaper," he said smiling as he grabbed her diaper bag. "What do yo' momma be feeding you?"

Jamie didn't respond. Instead she lay there and let Shawn finish up his business. "No rashes," he said. He appreciated Beyonce's attention to their child. "Where is she anyway?" he asked himself more than the baby as he cleaned her thoroughly and put baby powder on her little wrinkled bottom. He strapped her back up with a fresh one and then buttoned her thin white romper back up.

Shawn cradled the child in his arms as he went in search for her mother. He knew that she wasn't still at the gym. It would have been crazy for her to be out there that late. She was trying to lose weight, not kill herself. Shawn looked in the living room and stopped the lump on the couch immobile. He shook his head at the fact that she would rather sleep alone in here than share a bed with him. He was making no progress and the realization kind of hurt.

He approached her sleeping figure and took in the smells of a fresh shower and newly washed hair. He loved it when she washed her own hair; it smelled ten times better than that Paul Mitchell shit. It always reeked of sweet vanilla and sugar cane. Shawn smiled; it was like curling up with a pastry. And he liked pastries.

He'd meant to sit on the space where her body had arched so that she could sleep in a loose fetal position on her side but as soon as he rested his behind she stirred and opened her eyes. Shawn looked at her as he held the baby carefully in his arms.

And for the briefest moment, the tiniest little second in time, he could see that Beyonce had forgotten she was mad at him. Her eyes, usually filled with all that animosity and hate, sparkled even in their tired state and her beautiful lips lifted in the corners ever so slightly. She almost smiled. Her eyebrow's relaxed and her features were placid comfort. And for a second she was happy to see him, smiling slightly and softening her eyes.

Shawn took the look and relished over it, wanting to feed off of it like it was a meal. It was so nice to be looked at like that. Like he was her knight in shining armor as he'd once been. Beyonce looked at him with grand adoration and love. Shawn's chest swelled. Their faces were about two feet apart but Shawn felt closer to her than he had in months.

But just as quickly as it s downed her face it was washed away by the reality that came with remembering. Remembering everything that had been done. Shawn watched her features contort into that same look she had been feeding him since he told her that he wasn't going to give up on their relationship so easily. Her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes turned to slits. Her face dropped its smile and her lips returned to the line that they once were. And just like that, she was back.

But Shawn was not deterred. He's seen that small flash of love in her eyes. It was a short-lived look but it was there. She still felt something for him no matter how hard she tried to give up on him. And that insight made Shawn realize that he could make this work if he just remained patient and took all the she thought he deserved before she tired herself out.

He was going to let her do whatever she needed to forgive him. He was going to endure all of it so that she could finally come back to him where she was suppose to be.

"Move so I can get up," she grumbled rubbing her eyes with the balls of her hands. Shawn stood gingerly, glancing at Jamie to insure that she was ok. Beyonce sat up and he resumed his seat next to her. She scooted away a little but Shawn noticed the movement and grimaced at it. But he said nothing. "You leaving?"

He nodded. "Yeah I got some stuff to do tomorrow so I gotta get home."

"You ain't going out?" she asked and Shawn could hear the bitter undertone in her voice. She was teasing him.

"... Na, na I'm going to the crib."

"Oh well, before you go." Beyonce leaned over and grabbed a magazine that Shawn didn't even notice sitting on the table. She flipped through the pages and stopped on one that was marched with a sticky note. "I found an apartment."

He felt his stomach jump into his throat. An apartment was so official, so serious. He hated to even think about that. "Maybe I can look at it some other time. I'm kinda tired..."

Beyonce glanced at him with those same unloving eyes and nodded her head. "Well here," she said reaching for Jamie. The infant went without a fuss and Beyonce cooed lovingly to the bundle. "I'll see you later," she said as an obvious dismissal.

Shawn watched the two of them for a second longer and then stood to make his exit. Maybe tomorrow I'll actually get to touch her, he thought sullenly. Beyonce handed him the magazine and told him to look at the place since he would be paying for it until she got a job. Shawn took the magazine and promised he would look over it.

But as soon as he got in his Mercedes, he dropped it in the seat and didn't look at it again...



"I like it," Beyonce said turning around in the spacious master bedroom of the apartment she had dragged Shawn to see. She had been asking him for weeks to come and see the place so she could finally get out of that hotel. She had never gotten use to being waited on hand and foot. Beyonce preferred to do some things on her own.

Shawn walked in the room and grimaced. He was use to seeing bigger spaces since the living room of this apartment was about the size of his closet. Beyonce watched his face contort. "But it's one bedroom."

Beyonce looked around, still a little please with herself for finding it. "I know, it's perfect for me and Jamie until I can get us a bigger place." She walked to one of the doors and checked the bathroom. It was pretty decent looking, nothing like the bathtub she had at Shawn's place but it was still a nice bathroom.

Shawn looked around the room again and frowned again when he got a glimpse of the closet space through the open door. He almost told her that they had a bigger place if she'd just come home. Instead he opted for more disapproval. "But where are your guests gonna sleep?"

Beyonce poked her head out of the tiny bathroom. "What guests?" she smirked. "I don't have friends."

"What about when I want to stay the night?"

Beyonce fully walked out of the bathroom them. A mean scrawl dressed her face and her hands rode on her hips as she peered at him carefully. "Why would you be staying the night?"

Shawn shrugged and regressed a little under the gaze. He held his own though. "I might want to be close. I'm gonna be spending a lot of time here since-."

"Since you're paying for it, right?" she said in an accusing tone.

"What? No, I was going to say since we have Jamie," he quickly clarified. He didn't want her to think of it like that. It was a horrible way to be thought of.

Beyonce's eyes softened just a little and then they rolled. "It's your place technically. You can come when you want."

Shawn almost cringed. She was pushing him away. Well not physically but mentally she was pushing him as far away as she could get. "Where's Jamie?"

"Asleep in her seat," He said pointing to the car-seat beside the door. Jamie was indeed knocked out with a pacifier hanging idly from her lips. She looked really at peace with everything. There was no crease in her eyebrows while she slept. "You know, I wouldn't wanna invade your space." Beyonce looked at him. Shawn was opting for the cute and cuddly approach. Maybe then, he thought, she will be able to stand looking at me for more than a few seconds on end. "I know you hate me so if you don't want me around..."

Her eyes rolled. "Whatever Shawn," she said dismissing him easily.

"Don't," he said but stopped to contain himself. "Don't do that."

Beyonce looked at him up and down like he had lost his mind. And in a sense he had. He couldn't stand them being like this impersonal and detached. It was like looking at a field you knew was once filled with rose bushes or daisy's and finding that's its nothing but weeds now. What happened to the beauty that was their love? What happened to their roses?

You brought the weeds that were the world into them and ate away at what could have been. You killed the roses.

"Do what?" she spat.

"Don't push me away."

"Shawn I just said if you wanted to come over you could."

Shawn shook his head and frowned at her as he tried to put his words together. "I don't want to come over when I feel like it. I want to come over when... when you wanna see me. Or when you invite me."

Beyonce huffed and tried to turn her back to him. "Get the hell outta here," she said bitterly. Shawn knew what it was like when you were talking to Beyonce and you had pissed her off. Her mother had died for goodness sakes, and she still resented that woman. God had taken her life, and Beyonce still couldn't find it in her heart to forgive the woman that gave birth to her. She is a beast when she wants to be and Shawn knew that this would be like facing a brick wall but he had to.

"Beyonce I'm serious-."

"Shawn I'm serious too." Beyonce looked at him like he wasn't worth the gum stuck to the bottom of her shoe. "I ain't never gonna wanna see you or wish you were here. When I wished you were with me, you had other places to be. So I'm just doing what you wanted, accommodating your ass yet again. It's always about you... always had been."

"Beyonce-," he started but she cut him off.

"Are you gonna get the place or not?"

"Baby-," he said.

"Are you gonna get the place or not?"

Shawn bit his lip briefly. "I'm tryna talk to-."

"Are you gonna get the place or not Shawn damnit?!" Beyonce threw her hands up and snapped at him. And then she did it. Beyonce reached down into her brain, looked in her files and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper. She reviewed the other pieces carefully and then closed the file drawer, thinking she found the one she wanted. Then Beyonce smirked at him, unfolded her paper and made a bitch out of Shawn. "Come on Shawn, don't be dumb. That's the easiest question. Don't get the easiest fuckin' question wrong..."

Ouch.

He'd said that to her. He'd said those exact words to her when Beyonce didn't tell him she was pregnant. And Beyonce had done what she did best; she played the fuck outta him. He was getting nowhere and he was making a fool of himself along the way but he was in too deep to turn back. He loved her.

Shawn sighed and nodded. "Yeah, let's turn the key in and talk to the landlord."

"Thank you," she said, her manners not letting her be rude.

Beyonce grabbed the car-seat and left the room with Jamie in tow. They left Shawn standing in the middle of the empty master bedroom looking around idly, wondering how the fuck he was going to fix the mess he'd created. He walked out of the room without a clue and they drove back to the front of the complex to talk to the landlord about leasing. She signed them to a two year contract and charged them last months and the current month's rent, a security deposit of two thousand dollars, and just about anything else she could find based on Shawn's gleaming diamond Jacobs watch. She made up shit to get them to pay.

Shawn strapped Jamie Ann in the car and went around the driver's side. He got in and sighed as he sat up and reached in his back pocket. Shawn grabbed his wallet and pulled out all of the credit cards Beyonce had left in his place when she left him. He handed them over to her... or attempted to but Beyonce just looked at the cards in his hand and back at him.

"What am I gonna do with those?"

"Your water will be turned on by tomorrow and you'll have electricity by midnight. I thought you might want to decorate your place."

Beyonce took one of the cards and left the other three in Shawn's hand. But Shawn simply shook his head and tossed them in her lap. "Just in case."

Beyonce said nothing and simply tucked the cards in her small wallet. She knew she wouldn't be spending enough to max out a card, but she was gonna supply for herself and her baby. It was, after all, the least he could do. And he was doing it.

Beyonce dropped Shawn off at practice and went back to the hotel to relax for a hot hour or so. She bathed Jamie again and fed her since her breasts were full and aching and the child was whining. Then she set off into the streets again with Shawn's Mercedes. First stop, Rooms-To-Go. She got the simplest things she could find. She didn't want anything extravagant, she knew she couldn't afford to pay him back for pricy furniture. She bought a small, two piece living room set, a very basic but very sturdy crib, a TV for the bedroom, and a simple bed with a headboard to accommodate her love for a king-size bed. She even got a Serta mattress she decided to splurge on.

She was headed back to the hotel when she remembered that since she had his car, Beyonce had to pick him up from practice. She turned around and went to the stadium. Beyonce parked the car in the private parking lot, reclined her chair, and reached to get Jamie. The child whined and blinked confused eyes until she was nestled in her mother's embrace.

"Hey cutie," Beyonce cooed smiling at her.

Jamie only eyed her smile with a little confusion and grimaced a response. Beyonce held Jamie in the crook of her arms and grinned at her, despite the baby's stares. "How's momma's baby doing?" Beyonce tapped Jamie's nose and asked her how she was doing again. Finally, after three light taps, the child broke into a grin.

Beyonce giggled in content. "Momma's pretty baby."

Jamie seemed to understand that because she smiled a little wider and displayed her pink gums to Beyonce. Beyonce touched her nose again and that time Jamie gave a short, raspy laugh from the back of her throat. "Oh that's funny hunh?" Beyonce teased. She took her voice up an octave and grinned. "I'm laughin' momma!"

Pretty soon the practice was over and she spotted Shawn walking out with a bag slung over his shoulder. Beyonce placed Jamie back in her seat sturdily and couldn't help but grin a little even as Shawn got back into the car. He took note of the grin and asked her what she was smiling about

Beyonce had to share the good news with somebody. "Jamie just smiled at me."

Shawn seemed surprised and then pleased. He glanced at the back seat and cast a fond, proud smile at Jamie even though she couldn't see him. "And I missed it? Damn."

Beyonce just grinned as she pulled into traffic. She drove to the hotel and stopped a few blocks up to glare down the street at a familiar looking mob of people standing in front of the facility. She had almost forgotten she was famous but she was suddenly reminded like cold water had been thrown on her.

Paparazzi was standing just outside the hotel, sitting on the steps and even on the curbs, checking cameras, smoking cigarettes, talking on phones, and reading newspapers. They were clearly waiting on her... or someone important that was supposed to be staying there. She ran a hand through her hair and sat back, putting her head on the headrest.

"I'll go through the service entrance I guess," she responded tiredly like she was deeply distressed. Shawn could tell she didn't want to be a part of this life anymore. Like she was suddenly bored with it. But then, she never wanted to be famous. She never had dreams of being drafted into the WNBA or anything. Beyonce was never one for the spotlight and she'd tried to tell him that so many times. She'd tried to warn him that this wasn't the life for her but...

"Yeah," he sighed. "Where is it?"

Beyonce shrugged and didn't look away from the paparazzi with that same dark look in her eyes. "I have to find it."

"... Beyonce," he said getting her attention. She turned to him and waited for his lips to move. "I, I never apologized for putting you through all this."

Beyonce turned her head back to the people and said nothing for a moment. "I'm a big girl Shawn. I can handle it."

Shawn nodded. "But still. I'm sorry."

"Do you think it's on the side of the building or in the back?" she said, asking about the service entrance and dismissing his heartfelt words. She didn't have time to sit and listen to all his regrets and apologies. If that was the case she would apologize for being such an inconvenience to him all those months. She would say she was sorry for not being woman enough to make him want to keep his dick in his pants. She would express her regret for thinking that he could ever be the man she thought he was.

Yeah, Beyonce thought bitterly with a placid look she'd trained herself to wear on her face. She'd apologize for all her mistakes.

"Why do you always do that?" he asked tiredly but still furiously. "I'm tryna talk to you and let you know what's going on in my head and you're talking about fucking service entrances."

"Don't swear at me."

"Why not? That's the only way I get shit out of you!"

"Don't swear at me, Shawn."

Shawn frowned. "Or what? You gon' ignore me? Stop talking to me? Be a bitch? You already doing all that!"

Beyonce shook her head and looked out of her window trying to let it roll of her shoulder she was trying desperately to ignore him but it was so much easier said than done. She was not trying to hear him. Beyonce was determined to not make this that easy for him. He broke her heart. Shawn was not about to just waltz back into her life and demand that she love him again. Those were things, emotions, earned with trust and patience and all the things she didn't have for Shawn. "What do you want me to say? I accept your apology?"

"Yes!"

"Ok, I accept your apology," she said in a monotone voice. Beyonce didn't even bother to look at him.

It was silent for a second. "Do you?" he asked quietly.

"... You said all I had to do was say it... you didn't say I had to believe it."

"So-," he said, preparing to start another speech. Beyonce was not in the mood for it.

"I hate you!" she spoke venomously. Her voice was not loud but it was loud enough to make Shawn halt. "You broke my heart. What the fuck do you want from me, Shawn?"

"Another chance..."

Beyonce shook her head and looked back out of her window. She missed him, sure she did. But she had been made a fool of in front of everyone that she cared about. She was never one to rely on what other people thought but she had pride. She had morals and standards. She was once a woman of distinction. Now she didn't know what she wanted in life she couldn't make a decision of her life depended on it. And even though it was all her life and her responsibility, she was still blaming Shawn. And she always would.

Now it was her turn to make the fool of him. To not listen or take him seriously. To zone out while he attempted to talk to her. She looked at him and shook her head somberly. "You ran your play," she breathed. "And you fumbled. Game's over, Shawn."