run of the mill.

21st

Beyonce buckled up her black T-bar pumps and stood to adjust them to her feet. The shoes were T's but she loved them so much she kind of stole them while her roommate was out of town. But Beyonce didn't feel bad. T only assumed that Beyonce didn't know that she was still rocking her Marc Jacobs purse casually like it was hers.

After a very cold shower this morning and a short recollection on what day it was, Beyonce was able to bring the pain and aching that was in her pelvis to her heart. Today was the day of the funeral and everyone seemed to mope around a bit slower than usual. Beyonce remained in the guest bedroom most of the morning, only leaving when it was absolutely necessary. The scene outside hurt her heart and she wasn't sure she wanted to go through all of that for no reason at all.

Beyonce lightened her makeup as best she could. There was a thin amount of eyeliner applied in the event she would cry and just enough foundation to blend her skin, nothing fancy. She had no shadow or bronzer, it seemed too... elaborate. And her lips were not glossed, just chapped. She did, however, add as much waterproof mascara as she could. She was hoping that the long locks would catch her tears and prevent them from falling. She knew they probably would.

Shawn's Aunt Barbara was an exquisite woman. It would be hard to let something that that go and she had spent so little time with her. She felt a little cheated that she wasn't allowed more time with the woman. But then she wondered how much more it would hurt if she had spent more time with her and then lost all of those moments to mere memories. No, she decided as she slipped her black long sleeve wrap dress on. It was appropriate for the occasion even though it flattered her figure. Beyonce made sure her hair and makeup was in order and looked around her room for anything to do to keep her from venturing out of her safe haven. And when there was nothing, she sighed and grabbed her coat.

Beyonce turned off the light to her well in order room and turned. She could see Tiny trying to get the ironing board out of the linen closet without crying jerking from the hiccupping crying she couldn't suppress. Beyonce went to her side. She grabbed the board and pulled it carefully from the closet, handing it to Tiny. Tiny barely noticed the help.

Beyonce turned back down the hall and knocked evenly on Shawn's door. There was no response so she knocked again. When she didn't hear anything a third time she entered and looked around.

He was sitting on the bed, which wasn't made, looking at something in front of him. Beyonce closed the door behind her and put her coat down. "Hey," she said standing next to him. His eyes didn't even flicker in her direction. Beyonce sucked her teeth sympathetically and touched his arm. That seemed to jar him out of his spell because he looked at her with eyes so sad she gasped and winced visibly.

"How long you been here?" he asked looking back at his spot on the floor.

Beyonce couldn't believe he actually didn't know. It saddened her. "A few seconds."
Walking around him, Beyonce surveyed his figure and the work to be done. She kneeled in front of him, careful not to tear her nude stockings. Beyonce tired his shoe strings on his left foot and then slid his foot into his right shoe. She adjusted the tongue carefully to his comfort and tired the shoe.

"I can do that," she heard him say to the top of her head. He sounded pathetic, like he was speaking from a distant place in his body.

Beyonce never faltered. "I know, but that doesn't mean I can't."

She buttoned his cuffs on each hand and straightened them. "Where's your tie?" she asked him. Shawn held it in his hand and watched her take it from him with finality. She slid it over his head and lifted his collar to fit it about his thick neck. Beyonce buttoned the top of his shirt and tied his tie. Big over small, wrap it twice and tuck it in. Pull and straighten. Beyonce choked the perfect triangle under his Adam's apple loosely and then folded his collar back down perfectly.

"Where you learn that?" he asked quietly.

Beyonce assumed he was talking about her ability to tie a necktie. "My dad's a deacon. I did it almost every Sunday."

Shawn nodded a little. Beyonce slid his arms in his vest and he stood up. Beyonce thought he was because he was tired of her dressing him without the least bit of thought as to how he felt about it. She straightened his shirt as he buttoned his vest himself.

"You look nice."

Beyonce felt the heat in her face at the compliment. She shook her head a little to try and rid herself of the whiff of his cologne she had received. "You too." Beyonce stepped back and smoothed a hand over his shirt and vest to make sure she hadn't missed anything.

There was a knock on the door and then Devin poked his head in. "The cars are downstairs. You ready?"

Shawn nodded and Beyonce helped him slide his blazer. She grabbed her black wool coat from the bed and held it open for her. They marched from his room together, hand in hand.

Beyonce never liked it when people complimented the proceedings and overall flow of a funeral service until she found herself doing the exact same thing. It was a beautiful service. The choir that sung was phenomenal at capturing the entire sanctuary with their smooth, crisp singing. She didn't sit next to Shawn. She sat with the friends of the deceased. It was a large funeral and that was perfectly understandable. Everyone this side of the pacific was going to miss that woman.

Beyonce couldn't see Shawn through all of the people between her row and the first row upfront. She supposed it was all as well, she didn't know if she wanted to try and brave the tears he would shed and her own. She was suddenly glad that she couldn't see him. Very glad that he couldn't see her.

When the ceremony was over and they were to be escorted to the burial site, Beyonce stood beside the car by herself and waited for Shawn. He hugged a few people, held a few people, and helped a few more people make it through their moments. Beyonce could see strain all over his face and she was saddened by the look. However, she suppressed any urge to go to him and opted to wait for him where she was. He was pacing to the car when Tiny called out to him. She hugged someone and then rushed to his side. They talked a second and then she grabbed his hand and proceeded to the car.

Beyonce was so engrossed with watching the pair walk hand in hand lovingly that she didn't even notice Devin moving to stand beside her.

"Shawn's not going to the burial site. He's taking us home."

Beyonce looked at him. He looked foregone. The Devin she had met on the first day was so happy and full of joy that nothing could bring him down. She touched his shoulder and kissed his temple. "Ok," she said simply.

She noticed about a mile away from the church that there was a car following them. She recognized it as Taye's rental car. Apparently they couldn't handle much more of the service either. All of the children had left.

They climbed the steps and entered the house silently. Everyone was so quiet and meek. Shawn grabbed Beyonce's hand and pulled her up the stairs behind him. His walk was somber and very slow but Beyonce knew they would get to wherever they were going eventually so she said nothing. They walked down the hall to his bedroom and he closed the door behind them. Beyonce peeled off her coat and removed her shoes by the door. Shawn sat on the bed and did nothing but loosen his tie and put his head in his hands.

They say a grown man ain't suppose to cry... and so he didn't. No matter how much he wanted to.