swing set {joshler}

sixteen - it's fun to fantasize

Josh is hiding under his blankets. He's been sick with a cold all week thanks to that freezing pool water. He doesn't want to live, he's done with everything. He hasn't been able to listen to any music, and he's been stuck with the voices in his head. He can't stand it anymore, he can't fight this anymore. He reaches over to his nightstand where he pulls out a piece of paper and a pen. Then he's writing, for what's probably the very last time.

I'm done. with this world, with everything. I've tried, every day of my miserable excuse of a life, I've tried. But yet again, all I get is blood, fists, and humiliation. Nothing in this world is worth it anymore, the only light I've ever seen was the boy in the white mask. night after night I would go to the swings and sit, then I wait for him to show. when he did, something inside me would switch and I'd feel alive. but, never will he ever be able to love someone like me. he's in my school, sooner or later he'll figure it all out. it'll crumple down and it's not worth it anymore, to keep going.

Josh closes his eyes and falls asleep. He lets the paper slip away into his bag and doesn't think twice. He just wants to be taken by sleep. To be swallowed away by the darkness he feels surrounds him. Soon, perhaps this week. He just needs to say goodbye, first.