Real or Not Real? (Tronnor) (boyxboy) (completed)

Chapter 32

There will be mentions of depression and self harm in this chapter.

Troye's POV

"Well I didn't miss this place" I say and Connor grabs my hand, squeezing it lightly as we walk through the double doors and into the school.

"But we skipped too many days. Way too many. They were fun but we needed to come back as much as I hate it. And we're almost out for winter break" he says and I smile. Fake. I hate it. I hate faking smiles. Especially towards him. But he can't know just how unhappy I am when he's been through much worse. He lost his dad and I'm the one who is asking to be taken away. Begging for death to take me and crying myself to sleep at night. As much as I want to I can't fix it. I'm locked inside my head and my demons have the key.

"You're right" I say and he smiles before kissing me on the forehead.

"Are we still going to the winter formal?" He asks and I shrug. I really don't want to. I want to spend time with him but I don't want to deal with all those people. As terrible as that may sound.

"Only if you want to" he says and kisses my hand once again.

"I'm sorry but I kind of don't want to. I was thinking it would be better if we just spent some time alone together. Just as much fun but a lot less people" I say and he smiles before readjusting the maroon beanie he wears on his head.

"Of course. Whatever you want. I honestly could think of a lot of better things to do than go to that" he says and I shrug.

"Like what?"

"You. Mainly" he says with a shrug and a smirk on his face. I blush and punch his shoulder lightly. "What?" He asks, as if what he said is completely normal. I roll my eyes and smile a little. Not fake.

I squeeze Connor's hand slightly when the bell rings. I sigh and look down. I don't want to leave him. I won't see him till after lunch and today is a bad day. He pulls one of my curls and watches it bounce back into place.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asks and I shrug.

"I'll pull through. Go on. I don't want you to be late" I say and he smiles sadly. He leans down and kisses me on the lips before flashing me one last smile and turning in the opposite direction.

Once he's out of sight it's like what happiness that was left is gone and I can't even make myself smile. Not even when I force happy thoughts into my head. I still can't seem to put a smile on my face. Not even a fake one. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of smiling when I'm crying out for help on the inside. I'm tired of laughing even when my thoughts are telling me to stop everything. To end it all. I'm just tired.

I fall into my desk next to the window and stare out, not even caring to come back to earth when the teacher starts talking. I'm afraid that I'm begging to not care anymore. About much of anything. My grades have fallen. I'm losing friends. Im losing weight because I don't care about my health as much as I should. The only two things that keep me going are Connor and my music.

"Troye!" I jump at my name and turn to the front of the room. "I've called your name three times! What's wrong with you?" Our teacher asks.

Everything.

"Nothing. I'm just sort of out of it today. Sorry" I say and she sighs.

"Don't let it happen again"

"Yes ma'am" The rest of the class is a blur. Everything is a blur until lunch. Until Connor.

I speed walk to the lunchroom and completely skip the line for food and go straight to my usual seat with Tyler and Connor. I sit down and kiss Connor quickly on the cheek.

"You're not gonna eat?" Connor asks and I shake my head and look down at my lap.

"I ate earlier" I lie.

"Troye"

"I'm not hungry" I say and he shakes his head. He grabs my hand and kisses it lightly.

I look over to Tyler to see if he heard our conversation. He's so fixated on his burger he seems completely oblivious to what just happened.

"I love you" Connor says. "You know that, right?" I nod and he squeezes my hand tighter. I don't realize I'm crying until he brings his hand up to my face and wipes away my tears. "Come on" he says and pulls me out of my chair. He tells Tyler where we're going and then drags me out of the lunchroom.

We walk down the hallway to the first bathroom we come to. Connor opens the door and takes me inside. We go to the counter and I look in the mirror. I see my face, all red and blotchy from crying, and Connor standing behind me. His eyebrows are creased and he is wearing a frown that looks permanent. It doesn't belong on his face and I want to take it away so badly. Seeing it just makes me cry harder.

I place my hands on the sink and lower my head so maybe he can't see. The sobs that escape rattle my body and my tears fall down to the counter and disappear down the drain.

I feel two strong arms wrap around me and i feel myself start to calm down. Even if it's only a little. After my breathing is back to normal, Connor spins me to where I'm facing him and he hugs me tighter than ever before. I close my eyes and lay my head on his shoulder. I breathe in deeply, the smell of his cologne calming me. It's familiarity is comforting and I want to keep it close for as long as possible.

Connor is the one to pull away and he moves his hands to my waste. He picks me up with ease and sets me gently on top of the counter. He brings his hands to my face and wipes away whatever tears are left on the surface of my skin. He then lays his hands on my arms and runs circles onto them with his thumb.

"Are you okay?" He asks and I shake my head slightly. I close my eyes because I don't want to see the sad expression on his face.

He moves his hands away from my arms and I shiver. I'm afraid he's going to leave me. I don't blame him. But I don't want him to. Just when I think he's gone, his lips meet mine. My shoulders slump in relief and I kiss him back. He pulls away but cups my face in his hands, occasionally running his thumb over my bottom lip.

"You're going to beat this" he says, pausing the movement of his hand momentarily. "You're going to beat this because I can't lose you. I couldn't live without you. If you go, I go too, as selfish as this may sound. You're going to beat this because I love you too much to let you go" he says and a tear falls down his face. He shakes his head and quickly wipes the year away.

"Connor, I don't-"

"No. You will. You're stronger than this. I-I know you are."

As the words leave his lips, he breaks down into tears. He falls against me and cries, his tears falling onto my shirt. I wrap my arms around him and I cry too. I cry because my love for this boy is greater than any demon to ever cross my path and I believe this is what keeps me here. My love for him and his for me.

"Please stay"

Hello, fellow book lovers! Long time no see. Sorry about that. But I'm back now. Maybe. We'll see. I've had a lot on my plate here recently. Forgive me. Or don't. I don't blame you.

Anyways.

Hope you liked the chapter! Honestly it probably sucks because it's midnight and I'm not good at this when I'm sleepy.

I love you all so so so so so so so so much and hope your lives are full of happiness! Until next time!