Real or Not Real? (Tronnor) (boyxboy) (completed)

Chapter 29

Connor's POV

I look down at Troye's sleeping figure and frown. There are more of them than I thought. More times that Troye was so overwhelmed with his thoughts and emotions that he went to the razor. His hips and stomach are covered in scars showing the times he was in serious pain. Maybe not even physical. I look up to his arms and see more fresh cuts peeking from his wrists and I start to cry.

"Connor. What is it?" I hear Troye say, his voice rough from sleep. He grabs my arm and pulls it from where I've covered my face with my hands. I can't stop crying long enough to explain what's wrong. He pulls me closer and hugs me tightly, running his fingers through my hair and down my back comfortingly.

"I'm so sorry" I say and he smiles sadly.

"About what?" He whispers. The rest of the house is still asleep.

"For not being able to help you" I say and he looks down at his lap. He mumbles something but I can't understand him so I pull him close.

"You do help me, Connor. So much. You don't know how many times I've dropped the razor because I could stop thinking about all the bad and think about you instead. Before you came along I was so much worse. I thought that there was no good in the world. That things would never look up. But now I know that even though I'm not completely healed, I'm getting better. And that's all because of you so thank you. For helping me" he says and I watch as a tear falls down his cheek. I lean over and kiss it away, mumbling a soft 'I love you' meant only for the two of us.

He pulls back and looks at me with his beautiful pools of blue, smiling slightly. Perfect.

"What?" Troye says and I'm confused.

"What do you mean?" I ask and he smiles. He grabs my hand and draws circles on my knuckles with the pad of his thumb.

"You said 'perfect'. What's perfect?" He asks and leans down to kiss my neck gently. I smile and run my hands down his sides, down to his hips and back up again. I sigh in content as he leaves a gentle trail of kisses down my neck and collar bone.

"You" I say and he pulls away abruptly. He looks at me, eyebrows furrowed.

"I am not perfect by a long shot" he says and I smile and shake my head. I kiss the tip of his nose and he smiles.

"Well no one is perfect but I think that you're about as close as it gets" I say and he smiles. He goes back to what he was doing earlier, leaving little kisses up and down my neck. He slowly makes his way down, kissing and nipping at the skin on my neck and chest.

"That's coming from you" he says and kisses behind my ear, gently. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen, Connor" he whispers and I smile.

"I love you"

"I love you too. So much"

"I'm sleepy" Troye says and then yawns, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"Well then go back to sleep" I say and he smiles. I lay down and open my arms, inviting him in. He lays next to me, wrapping one hand around my waist and resting his head on my chest. Within a few minutes he's back asleep, snoring softly. "Goodnight" I say even though I know that he can't hear me. I kiss the top of his head and lay back on my pillow.

How did I get so lucky? What did I do to deserve someone so amazing? Someone that keeps me sane. Someone that keeps me from wanting to lock myself in my room all day and forever. Someone as beautiful as the person lying next to me.

I look down at his beautiful features. His long eyelashes and pale skin. How his hair curls over his forehead just perfectly. The birthmark right below his eye that's only slightly darker than the rest of his skin. His pink lips, parted slightly, releasing small, even breaths of contentment. He's absolutely perfect and it kills me to know that he doesn't see it. That he can't see just how perfect he is. But maybe one day. Maybe one day he will realize just how amazing he is. In every single way possible.

He turns over in his sleep and let's out a soft noise. I smile and wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer to me and holding him tight. He twitches in his sleep and I run my hands up and down his arms, trying to calm him down. I kiss his forehead one last time before leaning back on my pillow and closing my eyes, inviting sleep to take me over.

After a few minutes of laying there trying to clear my mind of everything, sleep takes over and everything is black. No dreams and no waking up throughout the night. Just black, beautiful sleep.

A/N hey guys!!!!!!! Sorry I updated a little later than usual. I haven't really been myself lately so I haven't been writhing as much. Hopefully I'll get better soon and I'll be writing better but until then, there's this. I love you all so so so much and thanks for reading!