Real or Not Real? (Tronnor) (boyxboy) (completed)

Chapter 28

*trigger warning* this chapter mentions self harm.

Connor's POV

Laying here with Troye. This is what I live for. Feeling safe, simply because I have this boy's arms wrapped around me tightly. Knowing that he is telling me he loves me when he squeezes me slightly or simply kisses my forehead. When he looks down at me and smiles, sending butterflies throughout my body making me shiver ever so slightly. When he kisses me on my lips, then leaving a trail of small, almost nonexistent kisses down to my shoulders and then back. These are the things that bring me happiness and I prey that they don't ever leave.

"What is it?" Troye asks and then kisses the tip of my nose, making me blush ever so slightly. I look into his beautiful blue eyes and hope that he can see that I'm completely content. That there is no where in this world I would rather be.

"I love you so much" I say and he smiles before leaning down and kissing me gently. I feel him smile into the kiss and I giggle, causing me to pull away. He laughs too and runs the pad of his thumb across my jawline, sending shivers down my spine. "I'm happy here".

"Where is here?" He asks and I reach up to move a curl of hair away from his eye then proceed to run my fingers through his hair.

"Here. With you. I'm happier than I've been in so long. So thank you" I say and he smiles.

"You don't have to say thank you. I want to be here. I love you and I'm so happy that I bring you happiness because you do the same for me" he says and traces my spine slowly with his fingertips. After a while he rests his hand on the small of my back and pulls me closer to him.

"I love you too. More than anything" I say and he smiles, showing off his perfect teeth and his eyes seem to sparkle.

"I'm so glad you found me, Connor" Troye says, his accent more prominent than usual and his voice like silk.

"What do you mean?" I ask and he smiles, his eyes shining with happiness.

"I'm glad you came here. I know it was for a bad reason but I love you so much I don't know where I would be if you wouldn't have" he says.

"I'm glad I found you too" I say and then he leans in to kiss me. This kiss is unlike all the others. I feel as if it's full of love and thank you's. Slow and beautiful, our lips move in sync to our own melody of legato lips and tongues. As we move together, we come to several retardondos and then go back to our first tempo.

When we are both short of breath, we pull away reluctantly and stare into each other's eyes, sharing silent 'I love you's. I watch as Troye's eyes go from my eyes down to my lips. Slowly he leans in and kisses the corner of my mouth shortly, then proceeds to leave a trail of kisses up and down my jawline, up to my ear and then down my neck. His hands move to my stomach and slowly move down. When he reaches the hem of my shirt he tugs gently and looks up at me for permission. When I nod, he gently removes the item of clothing from my body with almost no trouble whatsoever. His eyes go down to my stomach, and he slowly trails them back up to my face.

"What is it?" I ask, suddenly feeling insecure under his gaze, and he shakes his head quickly.

"Nothing. At all. You're absolutely gorgeous" he says and then goes back to what he was doing before.

His lips trail across my shoulders and chest, occasionally nipping at the skin with his teeth, leaving love bites and pulling sounds out of me I didn't know were there. I bring my arms up around his shoulders and slowly run them down his back until I reach the bottom of his shirt. He leans up for a second, looking at me before he too removes his shirt, revealing his pale chest and stomach. I can't help but stare. He doesn't have much muscle but it suits him. He's perfect.

He moves his hands to cover up his stomach and he looks down, hiding his face from me. I reach up and grab his chin, gently making him look at me.

"What is it?" I ask and pull him onto my lap to where he is now straddling me. I run my hands up and down his side, trying to make him feel more comfortable.

"I just. I know I'm not that great. I don't have the abs or any muscle really. Unlike you. You're literally perfect" he says and I sigh. I grab one of his hands and bring it up to my lips, kissing him gently. I grab his other hand and pull it away from his stomach. Now I can see what he was trying to hide.

"Troye, please look at me babe" I say and he does. There are tears in his eyes now and it breaks my heart to see him this way.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything at all. It's okay to cry" I say and he sighs.

"I told myself I would never let you see. That I wouldn't cry in front of you. I don't want you to think I'm weak" he says and then the tears that he was holding back fall down his face. I lean forward and kiss them away before pressing my forehead against his.

"Just because you were battling something does not make you weak. You're still beautiful, scars and all" I say and he lays his head on my shoulder. Now he's sobbing and his breathing is not right at all. "Babe, just breathe. I love you so much" I say and he nods and wipes his eyes but his breathing is still uneven.

"I can't do this" he says and I shake my head.

"Yes you can. You've got this. I know you do. You're strong. Just breathe." I say and he tries. After a few minutes, he's calmed down and his breathing is almost back to normal. He climbs off of my lap and lays down on his back next to me. He closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths.

I look down at the scars on his hips and stomach and begin to cry. I wish I would've known. I could've done something to help. I could've saved him from doing this to himself. I know it was recent. Some of the cuts haven't even had time to scab over yet.

I lean over and begin to kiss each and every one of them. The scars and the fresh cuts. I take my time on each one of them, putting as much care into each kiss as possible. After I've finished, I crawl up next to Troye and kiss his ear gently, still running my fingers over his stomach.

"I'm so sorry" he says and I look at him, confused.

"Don't ever say your sorry for something like this. These aren't signs of weakness. They're battle scars. They show that you're fighting. You're hanging on. Please promise me something" I say and he looks over at me. "Please don't leave me. Promise me you'll try you're best to stay. I know this world is messed up and you probably don't want to, but please try. I wouldn't be able to live without you. I'm one hundred percent sure that I wouldn't be able to make it without you. Not after everything else that's happened. And know that no matter what it is, small or big, you can tell me. We can talk about it. I'll listen. I love you so so much and I will try my hardest to make you happy. To get you out of this hell you're in. We can work together and get through this. Promise me"

"I promise. I'll try. But it's hard. It's so hard" he says and looks up at the ceiling shaking his head. I run my fingers through his hair, tangling them in his curls.

"I know it's hard. But you're strong. You can do this. And I'll always be here. I don't plan on leaving any time soon. Or ever if you'll have me" I say and he laughs slightly.

"Of course I'll have you. I love you" he says and I kiss him.

"I love you too"

A/N Hey guys!!!!!! That chapter took a turn I didn't even expect. I don't really know what to say after that. Anyways......... Thanks for reading and I love you all so so so so so so so so so much and I'll see you next week!!!!