The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

Heartbeat

Nikki and I sit in the waiting room of the baby doctor office, it's my first doctors appointment and Nikki wanted to come which I'm all for because I'm not too keen on the doctors by myself. My heart is pounding because I'm excited and I'm scared it's a really weird mix of emotions.

Since Nikki and I aren't married yet we've decided that were not going to tell people until we absolutely have to or until we're married. We aren't exactly sure which is going to come first I mean we're still discussing it. In all honesty I don't care if we're married or not when our baby comes as long as the baby is healthy.

Nikki sits on my left and twists the engagement ring on my finger mindlessly. I smile and watch him, he's completely out of it. I wonder what he's thinking about. I hope our kids look like him. I mean he's got these eyes that I am completely mesmerized with and I hope the baby has his eyes. I'm not quite sure how long I was looking at him before he clued in. Nikki looks at me and smiles.

"What are you looking at?" He asks and I smile.

"Just you." I admit. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just thinking." Nikki tries and I look at him. "That's not gonna work is it?"

"Nope." I tell him and he half smiles.

"What if I said that I'm kinda worried?" He asks.

"Well what about?" I wonder and his gaze drops to our interlocking fingers.

"I uh, I had this dream with I passed out in Paris a few months back. It was us and we were at our wedding like before we actually got married and we were talking about bad luck. You said something about we had our share of bad luck then a bunch of images flashed before my eyes and I heard the heartbeat and saw ultrasound pictures then I see a lot of blood and you, uh, you miscarried." Nikki explains. "I know it's just a dream but what if it happens, Sky? Would we be able to move on from there? What if we can't move on after that, what if it throws us into a really bad place that's worse than that shit with heroin. What if it causes us to break up?"

"Baby, back up a bit." I tell him. "I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to miscarry because I can't promise that but I can promise you this. I promise you that no matter what I will love you more than breathing."

"I will always love you, Skylar Monique Roxford." He tells me and kisses my lips.

"Skylar Roxford!" The nurse calls and we pull apart.

Nikki and I walk back towards the doctors office and go inside. The little nurse gets me to lay on the little bed this and Nikki sits on the chair by my head. The nurse tells us that the doctor will be in shortly and my fiancé squeezes my hand.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks me and I sigh.

"Your child is gonna make me fat." I joke and he laughs. "I'm just excited and worried but mostly excited."

"I know the feeling." Nikki admits and kisses my knuckles. "We're ready for this, right?"

"Yeah, we're ready for this." I say and he nods. "We'll do great."

We're going to be good parents, I mean Alex even thinks that. We're adults and we're mature and we can do this. God, I hope we can do this!

The doctors walks in and starts to set me up for the ultrasound. This bullshit blue gel that they squeezed across my stomach is colder than my fucking heart. They make you drink an ungodly amount of water before the ultrasound as well. So you already have to piss like the fucking race horse and then this North Pole kinda cold gel on your stomach (it's the middle of fucking winter too) and finally they start the ultrasound by rubbing this handheld this across my stomach. In my head the only outcome here is that I'm going to piss my pants.

Nikki watches me squirm around uncomfortably and the doctor keeps telling me to sit still, Nikki is trying his damnedest not to laugh at me.

"Miss Roxford, you have to sit still." She tells me.

"I'm sorry." I say and take a deep breath.

I hear Nikki laugh and I pinch his fingers between mine which one makes him laugh harder.

This squishing noise comes across the system and I smile. It's the heartbeat, it has to be. Well what the hell else would it be? The doctor smiles and Nikki squeezes my hands.

"That's your baby's heartbeat." The doctor tells us and I feel tears well up in my eyes.

"Holy shit, babe." Nikki mumbles and kisses my hair.

That pretty much explains our first doctors appointment. I wipe off my stomach and pull my shirt down again. I look up to see Nikki looking at the little printed pictures of our little baby. I smile and grab his hand.

"It's beautiful, Skylar." He says quietly and kisses my forehead. "I can't wait, baby. I can't wait to be a daddy."

I wrap my arms around his chest and go up on my toes to kiss his cheek. I can't believe that I'm going to be a mom and I can't believe that Nikki is the father of my baby. I can't believe that I'm going to marry this amazing man.

"Sky? Are you crying?" Nikki asks and I wipe my eyes.

"No." I lie quickly and grab his hand making him laugh. "I have to pee and I need to find a bathroom." I state making him laugh harder.

"You know that I love you, right?" He asks. "I love you, crazy."

I turn around and kiss his lips.

"I love you too, rock god." I tell him and he smiles.