Down For Whatever

Good Things Never Last

Chaja

"Hey ma" I said as I walked in her house.

"Hey baby. Hey Lenahhhhh!" she said as a big beautiful smile grew on her face as she snatched Leyah out my arms.

I smiled. "How you doing?"

"Good, now that I've seen my grand baby."

I sighed. "Ma, I told you I've been busy."

"That still doesn't give you a reason to not let me see her."

I shook my head. "Okay, If I'm busy I'm busy. I can't please everybody."

She rolled her eyes and sat on the couch as she played with Lenah "I know you been runnin and ripping. But atleast bring her by for 15 minutes if not more."

"Okaaay ma. I will." I said annoyed.

She acts like I'm doing this on purpose. I have no reason to avoid her, and I have no reason to keep her from seeing Lenah.

I sat down beside her, "So what's been going on?" she asked.

"Nothing..."

She looked at me, "I'm not stupid... What's going on?"

I sighed, "I'm just stressed out."

"Aww baby, about what?"

I shook my head and a tear fell down my cheek.

She sighed and layed my head on her chest, "It's gonna be okay. I have faith in you. Now, tell me what's going on."

I told her everything. I even cried like a baby.

"It's gonna get better. You just keep trying." She said.

I nodded, "I'm just so tired. I can't keep doing this."

"Listen to me, don't you ever doubt yourself. Look at me Chaja, I wan't you to be better than me. I was strung out on drugs, had two kids before I was even 18... In the streets... And still didn't slow down. You're so beautiful and young. I wan't you to be somebody."

"But I can't--"

"Yes you can! Do it while you still got the chance, I can't."

"Ma, you're still young."

She shook her head, "I can't go back to school. I dropped out when I was in the nineth grade. I thought that shit was cute. But look at me now! Where am I? Who's helping me? Who huh?! Seems like the main person I neglected, is the same person that's still here." Tears filled her eyes.

"Everyone makes mistakes ma... That's something you fail to realize. I'll help you finish school, yes it's gonna take a while, but it will be worth it."

She shook her head, "I can't."

"Yes you can."

"Damnit Chaja! No I can't! I don't want to! I'm so fucking sick and tired of everything."

I put my head in my hands. I looked over at Lenah who began to whine.

"What's wrong boo?" I asked as I layed her in my arms.

I rocked her back and forth & sung to her. She slowly drifted off to sleep.

My mother smiled, "You're a wonderful mother."

"Thank you, I try to be. It's just so hard sometimes. You know? I want to go out and party and do things I shouldn't do, but I can't just leave her like that. Not my own blood."

"No one said it would be easy. But as long as you live, you make sure this child doesn't go without."

I nodded, "I will, this my little princess." I said as I kissed Lenah on the forehead.