The Letters

My Dream

November 1, 2010

Dear Zoe,                                                                               

Its one day after Halloween. Roughly six hours since I said goodnight to you. I’ve been awake for two hours. Time seems to be moving slow for me tonight ever since I woke from my dream. It’s a dream I have been having for weeks now and every time I wake up from it I am in a cold sweat. Its not that the dream is bad, it’s just the dream is true in every way. I guess seeing what is to become of me makes me fear it while at the same. I feel this undying need to tell you what the dream is about. As my friend you have the right to know. So here it goes…

The two of us are walking along the streets of our little town. I’m not sure what we are talking about but I know its funny cause you are laughing. It’s a sweet laugh. Its one that I will never will forget. Up head of us are the woods that we like to play in. Our great willow tree is hidden within them. Everything is perfect in this time. Nothing seems like it can wrong.

The sun is blaring down on us was we walk towards the woods. It is summer time. I can tell because the two of us are dressed in blue jean shorts and tank-tops. Your hair is pulled back into a ponytail in an attempt to keep your neck cool. My hair is pulled back as well but strands of it fall onto my neck. I’m wearing my rainbow flips that you bought me for my birthday one year. I can hear the flip flop sound of them with every step I take. It’s a beautiful sound to me. This sound means summer time.

We both look so happy. At one point you grab my hand and start to pull me. The two of us are at running speeds now. I stop quickly to take of my shoes and I start running again. We enter into the woods and for a second I feel as if the two of us are Indian princesses. Our bodies are running by each tree. The warm wind storks our faces. In the clearing sits our willow tree. It’s long lush leafs hang from the string like branches. Behind the tree is the lake. This is where we come to swim during the summer time. No one else really knows about the place. It’s beautiful.

We begin to run faster now towards the willow tree and within seconds we striped down to our swimsuits. I watch while you jumped into the lake, joy wrote on your face. I follow behind with the same joy wrote on my face as well. This is a place where the two of us can we be happy without judgment. As children we found this place by mistake. Your mom told us that we could play in the woods as long as we didn’t go to far off. We had been chasing a bunny when we fell into this clearing. It was the willow tree that made us fall in love with this place. It was so tall compared to us at the time. Ever since then we always come to this spot to do almost anything.

The two of us are swimming around, slashing water onto each other. It is a joy to be here right now with you. All of a sudden the sky becomes darker. We look up to sky to feel little rain drops tap our nose’s. At first it seems playful like, but then a loud banging noise can be heard off in the distance. We start to swim towards the bank by the willow tree. You’re so far ahead of me and then my arms and legs stop moving. I can’t seem to get my body to move at all.

I hear you call to me from the willow tree. Your already dress back into your shorts and tank top. Fear starts to fill my body as I try to move forward. Lighting strikes the sky in groups of three followed by the crashing sound of thunder. A great wave crashes over my head pushing me downward. The water fills my lungs. It burns like hell. I can’t seem to push myself towards the top of the lake to breath and slowly I start to fall to the bottom of the lake.

Things start to go black on me and I no longer can think. And just as quick as the pain came on, the pain is gone. I’m standing up, a long white dress flowing around my body. I feel beautiful in this moment. My wild hair is now falling around my body in loses curls. My green eyes are shinning brightly, as if a little light inside of them has been turned on. I can feel softness under my bear feet. It’s almost as if I am walking on clouds.

My body is warm now. No longer cold from the raging water of the lake. I can feel a hand being placed on my shoulder. It’s a soft hand but yet strong. Slowly I turn around to see a man. He looks young with short brown hair and a five o’clock shadow around his face. His eyes a bright sea green blue color. I can’t keep myself from staring at him.

“Summer. Welcome home.” He says in a deep voice. I have fallen in love with this guy. He pushes his hand out his hand for me to take.

“Who are you?” I ask, unsure about what is going on. I have a gut feeling that I know but I need to hear this guy say it.

“I am what you think God is.” I place my hand inside of his. My gut feeling was right. I am in haven. With my hand in his, we walk away from where I was standing into a beautiful garden. All the plants are in bloom. I walk over to a rose to take in its scent. Haven is beautiful. When I look up from the rose I see a small house that has a little girl playing in the front yard. I always wanted to live in a house surround by flowers. I also always wanted a little girl when I got older. God looks at me with bliss in his eyes. I still can’t get over the color.

“This is your dream. You can now live it without pain.” I’m not sure what to say. I just know that my soul feel clean. The demons that had once be hiding in my soul are now gone. I feel like a new person. Without saying thank you I run over to my house. My white dress is flying in the air behind me. The little girl looks up at me. She has the same bright red hair has I do and her eyes are green as well. She cries out “Mommy!” The happiness in her voice makes me smile. We embrace in a hug and I kiss her on the cheek. I am happy.

You see Zoe, my dreams, the things I have always wanted, I will not be able to have. My life is done and this is the end. I had dreams just like you or anyone else. My dreams were to go to college, met a nice guy, get married, and have a family. I wanted to make a change in the lives of people. I will not be able to do that myself but maybe I can in another life. My death will be a teaching lesson for all who want to learn. Take it Zoe and use it. I want the world to know that I did not die in vain. There are many other ways to let the demons go other then death. Please teach this to people. I need the world to know.

Here I am, awake at four in the morning. I’m writing to you now because I can’t sleep till you know my dreams and now you do. Maybe I’ll get some restful sleep now. I really do need this sleep. I’m looking at my left. You’re lying in your bed, dead to the world. You haven’t moved since I turned on the little night light by your bed. I’m glad for this. I don’t need you seeing me fighting my demons. You know me as this happy go lucky girl and I want you to remember me that way. I love you Zoe. I’m going to bed now. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Love, Summer