Jordan Taylor › Rick Grimes F.F

› Thirty-Nine / Thank You ‹

Chapter Thirty-Nine // {jordan's pov}

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I blinked a few times with my mouth slightly open. A child was growing inside of me. I would have been a mother to my own child. My genes. Then a thought popped into my head. Was it his?

"Rick, tho-"

"Shh, it's okay... It was almost 2 months," he explained in a hushed voice.

I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. I felt empty earlier and it made sense now. Rick guided me carefully to the bed I was in before. He sat down beside me with one arm wrapped around me and the other holding my hand. 

I didn't realise I was crying until tears started falling onto our hands.

"How didn't I realise? I was so reckless and stupid..." I mumbled, sniffling mid sentence. He hummed a reply and kissed the top of my head. I knew he would've been angry with how I dealt with Dawn. He probably knew that there was a large chance that I could've died. I knew that but at the time, it felt necessary but now, I wish I could take that all back. Just to know that in 7 months, I could've held Rick and I's very own baby. But I ruined that. I killed our baby.

"Can we.. please go see Daryl after I change?" I asked, unsure of myself. I looked up at him for a reply. His eyes were still glassy. He was affected majorly by this. Family was one of things he felt was most important in life. Even if it wasn't pre-apocalypse. He nodded, giving me a faint smile.

I stood up and sudden dizziness washed over me. I gripped Rick's shoulder, fairly hard.

"Are you alright?" he asked sincerely, trying to steady me with his hands.

"I'm fine," I answered, trying to blink away the dizziness but it didn't work.

"You don't look it. You just got shot the other day and went through surgery. Sit down, Jordan," he said in a protective and concerned manner.

"I said I'm fine!" I snapped, letting go of him. Hurt flashed in his eyes, but he quickly disguised it. He stood up rather quickly, flashing me a forced smile and walked towards the door.

"I'll been in the lunchroom," he muttered before closing the door behind him.

"Rick!" I yelled as the door closed.

I just pushed away the man I loved. He was hurting just as much as I was and I pushed him away. More tears fell from my eyes, blurring my vision as I tried to button up my uniform shirt quickly. I pulled up my pants and put a belt on to stop them from falling down. I always had to. 

I ran up to the door but stopped as something shiny caught my eye. My holster sat neatly on a chair beside my bed. My favourite gun was neatly placed beside it along with the knife I used to stab Dawn. The knife Rick had given to me, it meant the world. I decided to put it on so, I went up to the chair and did just that. I holstered my knife and bronze desert eagle. 

I ran to the door again, hoping to catch up with Rick so I could apologise.

I opened the door and ran out of the room, not bothering to close it. I didn't care. Rick meant more than anything to me and we needed each other in times like this. I made it to the section where the hallways crossed when another dizzy spell hit me, much harder this time. My head was aching. 

I stopped immediately and grabbed my head in my hands. I walked blindly to where the wall was and used it to balance myself. I tried blinking it away like I did before. It didn't help. I tried stepping forward, but slipped on something, making me land on the floor. Hard.