Jordan Taylor › Rick Grimes F.F

› Twenty-Three / For You ‹

Chapter Twenty-Three // {jordan's pov}

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We set up a blanket on the floor so we can sit down without getting dirty. Judith was giggling uncontrollably about something. I looked up at Carl to see he was making faces at her. He poked his tongue out and pulled at his ears to pretend to be a monkey. Judith poked her tongue out, trying to copy her older brother.

"She's perfect," I say cheerfully to Carl. He glanced at me and smiled.

"Dad said that about you this morning," he admitted. I felt my cheeks warm up. Does Carl even approve of this?

"Car-..." Carl cut me off.

"No. It's okay. Judy needs a mother, you're perfect for her," he reassured me.

I blinked a few times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the morning light. An arm was wrapped around me, pulling me into them. I knew who it was.

I carefully moved Rick's arm to his side. He stirred a little before turning over. I softly smiled at his sleeping figure before standing up and heading to the kitchen.

As I stepped into the kitchen, Carl was already sitting at the bench.

"G'morning," Carl greeted, looking at me hopefully.

"Good morning," I replied, giving him a small smile in which he returned. I sat down next to him, looking outside through large window. It looked like a good day to check out some of the other houses for food. I overheard Rick say that there wasn't much here.

"It's not your fault. Dad and I know that, you should too," Carl brought up the Judith matter. I sighed.

"We don't need to discuss this now," I said calmly while avoiding eye contact. I hid my shaky hands underneath the table.

"Jordan, guilt will eat you away! It was the same with me and Lo-"

"Carl!" Rick snapped as he entered the kitchen. He frowned at his son before his eyes travelled over to reach mine. I glanced down knowing that tears were forming in my eyes.

"Jor-," Carl started but I was already out of the room. I rushed into the nearest bathroom, locking the door.

I didn't want to face the fact that I basically killed Judy. 

"Jords," Rick's voice whispered through the door. I sat down, back facing the door.

"Please, leave me al-.. alone," I stuttered because I was choking back a sob. I felt his warming presence from behind the door leave. Stray tears fell down my face.

I needed some time to accept -- well, I'll never accept it, but I need time to process what has happened.

Losing Hershel.

Killing Judith.

Losing Daryl.

Daryl... I hadn't thought of him during my panic. I stood quickly, unlocking and opening the bathroom door. I rushed out, trying to find Rick. He was sitting on the couch, checking his gun for ammunition.

"Rick?" I asked, startling him. His piercing blue eyes looked up at mine. He formed a small smile.

"Yeah?" He questioned, his full attention was on me. Probably knowing about what had just happened a few minutes ago. He probably thinks I am crazy and bipolar. 

"We need to find Daryl and everyone else," I declared. He nodded.

"We will when we get some more supplies, it'd be stupid to go now," he explained to me, glancing at the broken clock on the wall.

"Well, let's be stupid then. I need to find Daryl," I spoke leaving no room for debate. Rick sighed, shaking his head.

"We'll go tomorrow at dawn," he answered with a slight frown. I needed to talk to my friend. He was the one person, besides Rick, that I could tell everything to. But the matter I want to talk about isn't something I can blurt out to Rick.

›››‹‹‹ {following morning}

"All set?" Rick asked Carl, who was currently holding a bag full of food.. Carl nodded, glancing at me. Rick hasn't really been talking to me. I don't think he's all that happy with me. I mean, who would be? I just killed his daughter.

Suddenly, there was 3 knocks on the door. I flinched at the noise, who the hell knocks? Rick cautiously strode over to the door. He glanced into the peephole to see who it was.

He started laughing loudly and turned to Carl.

"It's for you."

Carl jogged over to the door, opening it to reveal a smiling Michonne. Her smile brought one to my own face. The first proper smile since the incident.

We all started talking about how we were going to leave to find everyone and how we escaped. Judith's death was not mentioned. If it was, I would've had a breakdown. She wasn't mine, but I treated her as if she was. Rick told me to find her and I failed him. I didn't get to her in time...

Michonne explained how she had to stay in a car for a night and then she set off to find us.

"So, we still going to leave today?" I asked hopefully. Rick shook his head, no.

"We'll get Michonne well-rested and then we'll head out tomorrow morning." During that whole response, he only glanced at me for a split second. I could feel my eyes tearing up. Does Rick actually hate me that much? He told me that it was okay. Maybe all he sees in me is a murderer. I shuddered at the thought.

I was that deep in thought that I didn't realise that Rick and Carl had left the room. Michonne looked at me curiously.

"Are you alright?" she questioned, furrowing her eyebrows a little. No. Absolutely not.

"Never been better!" I faked a smile and walked out of the room.

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