Butterfly

Four.

That guy just won't freak off. He keeps either staring at me or disturbs me while I'm trying to concentrate on class. "What do you want from me, Mister?" I asked him when the school ended, avoiding the students from doing all the staring and whispering.

"I don't know. Just somehow attracted to you." He calmly answered, packing his stuff into his bag. He's too blunt if I have to say. Too blunt for a guy that showed emptiness. "Then, maybe you should stop now, don't you think?"

I can't handle letting another person enters my life. I can't help it. I'm scared they might leave, like how my former friends did to me. But it's not really their fault and I can't blame them for doing that. Most of the time, I blame myself for shutting myself from my surrounding, abandoned them. I keep telling myself that I am at fault.

I swing my bag on my shoulder, leaving the class without waiting for his reply, or even waiting for him to acts. I want to avoid people more than I expected. I was afraid that I will keep losing the person that are dear to me. I hate that feeling where you want to stay in your bed but at the same time, afraid that you might lose them.

But I guess, it's fine now. I have no one to worry about except my mom. Or that quiet guy back there at the class.

I keep my sight straight ahead but something hits my head from behind, pain crept to my head. After groaning in pain, I rubbed it with my hand; hoping that the pain would disappear. "What the hell?" I murmured in annoyance. I knew exactly who's the culprit, even if his face doesn't shows how his personality looks like. But I'm still doubting him.

"What do you want, quiet guy?" I shouted at his face even when he's beside me. "Quiet guy?" He repeated the nickname that I secretly called him. Oh crap, I mentally facepalm myself. "It's Baekhyun. I guessed it was a nickname of mine so I'll correct that. Baekhyun." He spoke, crossing his arm against his chest.

"Doesn't matter. What do you want from me?" I questioned him. Before he manage to answer, I added, "Better be a good reason for throwing me such tiny crumpled paper at my head." I hold the paper that was thrown at me by him, swinging it back and forth in front of him as proof.

"Well, i don't think you will accept this reason because it's not a good reason, but for me, I think it is." He said, frowning. "And what is that?" I crossed my arm. Waiting a good reason from him, quite patiently. He said, "Let's be friends."

My worst nightmare just happened.

"Are you kidding me?" My voice is in my usual monotone, but it hides my fear pretty well. I want to praise myself for that, but for such silly reason, I stopped from doing so. "I don't. Let's be friends."

I stare at him for long good two minutes or so. Not knowing what to say or reply. My mind picking thousand of sarcastic answers so he would stop. I have to avoid getting close to him. I want to hurt him so he would leave me alone. But I know too well that hurting people won't do anything. It will just leave a scar on them. I know too well how it feels to be in pain.

I sighed. "Can't you asked in a normal way? Do you have to throw paper at someone's head just because you wanted to be friend with them?" I exhaled the air that i just breathed in. "Every people is unique in their own way."

I crumpled the tiny paper that are in my hand, and throw it at his head. Replaying the act he did few minutes ago. "Try again?" I said. I expected him to get mad, or anything due to my rudeness. But he didn't. In fact, he smile. "Are you a masochist?"

His smile turned into laughter. "You attracted me even more now." I rolled my eyes at him. This guy is hard to break. He just simply brushed everything off. I continue my walk, going back to home which is stopped by a single paper. He called my name and told me to slow down. I don't have to worry about that since he's fast in catching up.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Aren't you way too friendly, and touchy? Move your hand." I brushed his hand off my shoulder, but he did it again without hesitation. I'm so done with him. "Friendly reminder that we are not friends yet." I keep my nonchalant face, giving him the most boring monotone he ever heard of in his whole life.

"So you mean, you'll consider it?" He looks at me, his frown is still there. But his eyes showed a bit-- a lot-- of sparks. I should have carefully pick my words. He accompanied me all the way to my house as an excuse he said, "Girls should have company and not to be alone."

Like I would care.

But I was thankful for him for willingly sent me home. At least, I didn't force him to do it, he volunteered. "Who's that young man?" Mom asked, coming out from the living room as I entered the house. "Baekhyun." I said his name. Putting my sneakers back to its place, I dropped my bag and throw myself on the couch. School is terribly exhausting.

Mom kind of understand that I'm tired, she walked to the kitchen and prepared me a cup of hot chocolate. She puts it on the table in front of me. "So, who's Baekhyun? Your boyfriend?" She snickers. Leaving me chocked on my hot chocolate. She chuckled. "Just my classmate." I denied, wiping the chocolate that dirtied my mouth with a tissue.

"Eh, is that so?" She smile. Maybe I saw a hint of happiness in her tone. Maybe she's glad that I finally have friend, not that I think of him as a friend yet. Maybe she's relieved that I don't have to keep everything to myself and I have someone about my age to talk to. She kissed my head before grabbing her handbag on the single couch.

"I'm going to work now. Don't turn on the fire until I get home, okay?" She said, wearing her black high heels. She waved and close the door, leaving me alone in this house. She always works, even at the evening or even at night. Sometimes she wakes up early and comes back home late at night. So I rarely managed to greet her good morning and rarely get to see her comes back home since I'm already on my bed.

I sighed and finish my drink. Bringing it to the sink and wash it. I look at the cabinet where mom hid the knife. Even though people said that every life is precious, I don't think mine like that. I don't think my existence is needed in this world. That even if I vanish from this universe, none of them will be sad. I stand there, fighting with myself. Some part of me dare me to take the knife, some are afraid and convinced me that it bring no good.

I just want, to end my life.

I don't have any aim living, I thought it would rather good to die than live. Taking slow steps, I bring myself out of the kitchen. Grabbed my bag that lied on the floor and climbed the stairs to my room. I didn't bother to turn on the lights and sit with my back against my door. I don't care whatever it is in the dark, or whatever is it there waiting to kill me.

i just want my life to end.

I just sit there, staring into blank space. My inside wants to cry and scream my heart off. But I did the opposite action, that I could bring no tears to my eyes. Just there in the silence, staring at nothing. I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't know how to let out, I don't know how to drown that monster that lives in me. I'm out of ideas.

I didn't change my school uniform for good 1 hour, but did it after and took a bath. I wipe my hair with the towel, trying to dry the hair. I look at my desk that are full with papers that scattered around, unclean it for who knows how long. Homework? I thought as I look at my bag.

I want to ignore any work that hurts my head. I take out the books in my bag when I realised the tiny crumpled paper is in the net that located at the side of my bag; usually for water bottle. "What?" I took the paper out and observed it, unfolded the crazy crumple and saw something written on it. "Number?" I didn't give effort in reading all the numbers and jumped on the message.

'Just call me if you need anything' is written on the paper. This must be no other than the persistent quiet guy, that guy named Byun Baekhyun.

I stare at the paper. Why did he tries so hard? I don't think I deserve him in my life. I don't think I deserve anyone. I don't even think that I deserve a good mom that patiently take care of me.

I tossed the note on the table and leave everything there, messy. I climbed my bed and went to sleep.

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A/N: Boring chapter sorry but BRAH. Bye xD xoxo. and pst! Comments and votes. *Ballet out of the room*