Butterfly

Twenty Four

Last night scenes keep coming to my head, making me unable to get a good night sleep. I sit up on my bed, lazily and tired. The first thing that comes into my head is, Baekhyun. No, to be exact, he has been in my head all night. His words still clearly echoed in my head, and his voice rings in my ears, lingering. 

"Do I deserve him?" is the first question I asked myself today. A clear question with no answer that yet to be found. Dragging my legs, I stepped out of my bed and stopped in front of my mirror while I was on my way to the toilet. My eyes are clearly show signs that I did not get enough sleep, and I drink less water than I should be as I could see my skin getting dryer. 

I didn't bother to take a piece of bread for breakfast, in fact, I didn't even bother to take breakfast. Without mom, with this empty house, how am I supposed to bring myself to eat? I locked the door after I walked out of the house. But my quiet morning is disturbed by a voice, that I usually hear every time I came out of house, every time when I am ready to go to school, and every time when silence almost take over my surrounding.

"What's with that face?" He said. I looked at him as he tilted his head to the side a bit, shoving his hands into his pants' pockets. Somehow, I feel glad I hear his voice. "What face?" I stepped down the stairs and close the gate. "Like you can hide it from me." He mumbled under his breath. I could hear him, but is too lazy to argue back. "Here, have some." He shoved a plastic bag towards my direction. When I was about to refuse him, he said, "No refusing" as if he knows what I'm thinking of.

I take the plastic bag from him, and took a peak inside. It's warm. Warm breads. "I know you haven't take breakfast." He shows another plastic bag that he holds, and smile. "Let's have our breakfast while going to school. I know this is not-- healthy. But at least we take our breakfast." He said full with joy. He took a bite as I looked down on the bread. 'Eating together', how does it feel?

I took a bite. 'It feels nice'.

We walked to school together, he's a chatterbox like usual, except that I don't find it annoying anymore. I find his voice, the joy in his voice filled the emptiness in my soul. School goes on like usual, Nayeon and Jackson argue like usual, like cat and dog they are. We decided to eat our lunch together, combining the table of us four and eat our lunch. I used to dislike this kind of thing, but it feels different now. I keep wondering as I look at their face. 

"We're going to visit Hana's mom today! So, Jackson, empty whatever your schedule for today and tag along." Nayeon said as she swings her fork around, dangerously; gaining Jackson's screams and shouts. Jackson was about to say something but Nayeon leans in and forcibly said the words, "TAG ALONG." Surprised by her sudden action, he unconsciously agreed. 

Maybe the weather outside is nice, or maybe the atmosphere around the school and my class are warm today, I found myself smiling.

School ended in a flash, which rarely happens to me. Nayeon slipped her arm around mine, as she said about going to visit my mom at the hospital and she's excited about it. "You should start to do something about your voice, her mom might be in a dangerous state if you go there that loud", Jackson said. Taking the risk he is, finally gained a punch from Nayeon on the arm. "I'll bite off your head if you say more", Nayeon threatened him.

"Don't fight for too much, you'll ended up falling for each other sooner." Baekhyun bluntly said, walking passed them and pat my head. "What? No way!" They said in unison. "You don't follow what I say!" Nayeon states. "It should be you!" Jackson argued back. "And put that aside, what's with this situation, Byun Baekhyun? What happened between you and Hana?" Jackson squints his eyes at him.

"What do you mean what? Let's go." He patted his shoulder and they walked out of the classroom, we tailed them from behind. Jackson is teasing Baekhyun non-stop, sometimes he stops a while to look at me and smirk. "Stop smirking, you looked like bullcrap." Nayeon said. 

And there they are again, arguing and sending reply back and forth between the two. We reached the hospital and the guys told us to stay in the room as they went to get us some drinks. 

Nayeon sadly smile at my mom who's still lying on the bed, unconscious. "Are you okay?" I asked her as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before facing me. "It reminds of me something that happened in the past." I remained silent for a while before asking her about what.

She inhaled deeply and said, "My grandma."

"What happened to your grandma?"

She holds the end of the bed, remembering her past. "When my parents passed away, Grandma took me in and take care of me. She treated me so kindly, like I was her only one," she looked down on her hands. "But after she asked something like, if she's gone, she wants me to live happily and be successful. At first I agreed without knowing anything. I asked her why she would asked that, and she said because she's growing old, so she never knows what will happen in the future when that time comes."

"She told me to never give up no matter what. And after a while, she died. I promised myself I will live happily to fulfilled her promise, our promise."

I looked at her, thinking that I never knew that Nayeon has such past, considering how happy she is. "Who do you lives with now?"

"My aunt." She smiled. "She's a great professor and a great-- mom." I smiled upon hearing that. "Didn't the past hurts you?"

"It hurts sometimes. But I decided to just remember the good times we both had. And the bad times? I turned it into my courage. That's why I'm able to live this way today," She looks at me and holds my hand. "And I want to tell you as well that, I want you to live happily. Be happy."

"You deserve the love and the joy", she said as she smile. "Everyone deserves it, you're not an exception."

Nayeon's words somehow strike right into my heart, and without realizing, my eyes are tearing up. I was confused of why I should cry. I know somehow I am touched by her kind and sincere words. I saw Jackson standing at the door, looking at us, or more precise, at Nayeon. He didn't realised I noticed him there and a moment later, the guys make themselves visible and entered the room. Giving us some hot drinks, we thanked them for getting it for us.

Nayeon and Jackson are talking to my 'sleeping' mother so excitedly, like she's their mother. They never forget to argue, though. I smiled upon looking at them and slowly I looked at Baekhyun who's standing at the edge of the bed. He smile when he noticed I'm looking at him. Then I thought, 'ah, there's the warm feeling again. Is it because of the weather? The temperature? The way the light beamed its way into the room through the window?'

I smiled back at Baekhyun. Then I noticed, 'ah, it's because it has been a long time since I felt this way, back then when Dad was still alive. How long has it been? Why did it comes back again? When?'

I stare at him, and look over the two that are still talking so excitedly, telling my mom what had happened in school. 'It's because Nayeon's words give impact to me. And because this man gives me this warm feeling. Since when? Since this man entered my life, nonstop reaching his hand towards me who is silently needed help. And since then, he lets my heart feel warmth, slowly. Bit by bit.'

I was thinking why he's able to do something like that that has gone for so long? How did he managed to revived this feeling back to me? I examined his face. Then, these thoughts came to mind.

'This man is capable of loving me through my highest and lowest.'

'I want to be happy'

And I realised,

'I love him'.

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A/N: Okay, as promised, UPDATE! And yeah to be said, its unfortunate to tell you guys that this story will reached its end, soon. Like, soon. It's not my greatest work but I'm glad to be able to publish this work of mine. Pls anticipate the upcoming end of this story xD Sorry for spelling and grammatical error. (I didn't double check it)