King of Zombie Heath

Day 14 - Have I been drugged?

Something funny's going on. I slept through til lunchtime today, woke up in the same position I went to sleep in. That's fifteen lost hours. No dreams, no tossing and turning, no counting sheep whilst listening to coughs and cries and blasphemous curses. Then, when I did wake up, it was with a splitting headache and soggy jammies. Yep. I'd pissed myself.

This is weird. First off, I'm an early riser and a light sleeper. You try sleeping when Nurse Ratched (Hulk Hogan's doing the rounds until she comes back) brings the rise-and-shine pills on the squeaky trolley. I know the diesel's run out, but surely Walt can get his hands on some WD40?

Second, I never miss morning rations. The sound of the key in the lock and the tray cart thumping through the double doors and rattling along the corridor had me running for the cafeteria quicker than a hungry moggie making a beeline for an open can of Whiskas. Breakfast, it used to be called, and it was quite a civilised affair for those of us not restricted to the sugar-free, fat-free, gluten-free, lactose-free, taste-free gloop, with a choice of Full-English, Artery blocker or cereal and yummy white triangles of toast with butter and marmalade, washed down with copious cups of tea and (decaffed) coffee. Now it's been replaced with polyfiller and Tang. I haven't had coffee for a week now.

Thirdly, and this is what got me thinking; the only time I ever sleep that long and that deep is when they have me on tranquilizers. I'd ask Dick for his take on it, but Hulk told me he had a panic attack during the night and they've loaded him up on Thorazine again. He's also banned him from the TV room until further notice.

Lastly, and perhaps most worryingly, I noticed a tender spot on the inside of my elbow. Right on a vein. Hurts like hell every time I bend my arm. I asked Dr. My Bad Juju (Mbadinuju) and she took one glance at it and said it was nothing to worry about. Probably a mosquito bite. Told me to rub a banana skin on it if it started itching. Where am I going to get a banana? The fruit garden? Sometimes I wonder if she thinks she's still in Nigeria. Does she know it's minus ten outside? I thought about kicking up a fuss, demanding to see a real doctor, then decided that might not be the sanest course of action. After all, I'm a model patient. I'm doing my best not to let Eddie lead me astray, so what on earth would they have me on tranquilizers for? I'm probably just being paranoid. But it makes you wonder...

On al lighter note, Nurse Ratched still isn't back and the pool's up to seventy eight quid. Some of the smarter screws are off too, so things are a little more relaxed around here. If I earned what they do I'd be skiving off sick as well.

I keep looking outside and expecting to see a wooly mammoth trundling across the garden.

Prunes tonight. Something's definitely going on. Prunes are a dessert of last resort.