A Cup of Tee' and a lil' dash of honey

Just A Lil Something...

You tell me is it a myth.. a fictitious hopeless dream I've been programmed into believing time and time again

Is it a cult of sorts that grabs my heart into its grasp with rusty old dirty pliers that refuse to let go.. Sh*t tell me cause I wanna know.. I need to know

See this is the belief that keeps me awake at night pondering upon its existence but it's also the thing that I wake up in the morning fresh everyday hoping I find.

It looks me in the face each time a tear drips my eyes right through my reflection telling me that one day every thing and everyone will be okay. Tell me why every time I believe it.

This how my story unfolds.. The world breaks me into two leaving be wounded in the corner covered in nothing but the hot seeping fluid that pumps throughout my veins yet it's always by my own accord because no one can ever hurt me like the thoughts of depression that tell me I was never good enough in the first place. Sure the world plays a pivotal role of its own that reminds the shadowy clouds that hang over my head that no day should ever simply be sunny for me.

No I am mud beneath your feet you scrap off of the welcome mat, the hard white rain beating rapidly against your car windshield, the limb that falls against the shingles of your roof, the thunder and lightning that makes your children and pets cower.. All of this lives inside of me and shaking it seems impossible.

There is an upside however.. You call it the rainbow at the end of every storm, the calm serene after each storm. I call it my forlorn belief that just won't end despite the fact that every time the world doesn't show the poor tearfully endowed girl any mercy that belief never shows up to end or mend the pain.

The cycle continues on and on.. without a tinge of doubt or any showing of letting up. My belief gets me nowhere yet once I end up in the far too familiar dark secluded corner painted and stained red from my bleeding heart the only thing that gets me out me is closing my eyes and picturing a life were my belief actually comes through, thrives and exists.

What is this belief my life and sanity depend on?? You call it Unconditional Love.. I call it the addiction that is my love, my life, and my soundness of judgement.

This is the outcry of a feen.. a feen searching for unconditional love. Do you have any??I just need a taste, maybe a quick hit of it that keeps me even... Better yet why lie?? I'm nothing but a feen so if you give me one hit I'll always come back for another. I need the high it's ALL I care about.

Maybe that's the plan, just maybe I need someone to continuously give me doses until the hurt doesn't hurt anymore and instead of being harrowingly empty I become heartily full.

Again this is the outcry of a feen looking for someone who's never had an addiction just so I give them one...

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Just a lil outake a wrote that I felt I needed to release to somebody. Sometimes words don't become real until you know someone has seen or hear them. A bunch of random feelings and emotions that somehow came about from a empathetic place. 

It's been a hot minute since I post in here like a month lol.. Anyway thought you guys add me on Facebook & follow me on Tumblr to be more in the know with me since I'm not updating anything rn since I'm rewriting TFC right now and that's my priority and focus. All my links are in my bio or on my profile, if you don't see any of them on the app, you may just wanna open Wattpad up on a browser and then hit ya girl up on her social media so you guys will know what's going on.

I'm starting a reading group soon on FB, where *cough cough* ya'll will be getting sneak peeks & I'll be asking you guys opinions on things like things I could have done better with the original draft of TFC.