HOLLOW » Zarry ✔⚠

1

Zayn Malik.

What is there to say about him? Not much. He's only 15. He's got average grades, a keep-to-himself personality and he looks like what most would stereotype as a geek. But they only have one reason for using that word and Zayn knows it because he also knows he's not that smart. 'It's these stupid glasses' he thinks. The ones he has to wear to help him see better. People must be idiots to even joke like that.

Actually, he thinks people are idiots anyway. Because they have no clue about the internal battle he's had sense he was 13. They don't know about the internal suicidal thoughts, the nights when he just wants to cut his head off and bleed all over the carpet in his room. They're all blind as to just how broken he really is.

He's thought many times about ending it all, right in his own home. He knows his mother doesn't know about him. And he's even laughed when pondering what the look on her face will be when she tries to wake him up and can't. He wonders how many tears will actually fall when she sees him lifeless. He hopes she takes it hard.

As hard as his twisted mind wants that, he still refuses to cut his wrists. He doesn't want her to see cuts on his body. And not because he won't be able to take her sadness when she finds out but because he dreads having to spend weeks in a psychiatric hospital. He knows that if she finds out, that is what will happen.

That's also the reason why he hasn't exactly taken the last step and tried to kill himself yet. He knows from seeing other teenagers that when their suicide attempts fail, their parents often send their kids there. That's worse than death. Zayn thinks. Much worse.

Something else too, that stopped him from taking his life, is that since he started having these suicidal thoughts at age thirteen, there's been this white filmy, foggy figure with no face that appears in his dreams nearly every night.

At first he wasn't sure what it was. He just knew it would only appear while he was sleeping and try to comfort him. But then after a while, when he saw he could sometimes hear the voice of the figure even when he was awake, he realized it was really a voice in his head. His messed up brain was just making the voice become in essence, alive. Making it real to him. And he liked it.

Zayn doesn't have demons- before anyone hauls off and assumes. He's just got issues. Mental issues that he hides from the world and sometimes even from himself. No one ever knows about it, nor does he ever intend for them to know. What happens in Zayn Malik's head stays in Zayn Malik's head...

"Whatcha daydreaming about?"

Someone taps the lunch table and Zayn looks up to see Harry, the captain of the soccer team, with his backpack draped across his shoulder.

"N-Nothing." He stutters in return and he gulps nervously not knowing whether he should be looking at Harry or not. It's safe to say that Harry scares him. But at the same time, there's something about him that attracts him.

"We've got practice today."

Zayn looks down to avoid his gaze. "I know." Then he feels a hand on his shoulder. But it's not just resting there like normal people would do. It's rubbing there. The same way it always does.

So gentle and tenderly. So intimately.

Zayn tenses and looks at his lunch tray. At first he was somewhat okay with it. Now he isn't. He just wants Harry not to touch him today. He just wants one day of the school week to go by without Harry's hand touching... places. Zayn is 15. Harry is 17. Zayn is a junior, Harry is a senior. Zayn can't even imagine being with Harry, yet. And each time Harry's hands wander over him, it makes him feel so angry and disgusting, that he considers using the razor just once on his wrist, so he can see how beautiful his blood can be when it's spilling out.

He bets it's pretty. He wonders if it'll look good running down the drain of the white sink at home. Better yet, if it'll look better splattered against his room wall. But then again, all he has to do is remember how much he dreads a psychiatric hospital if it doesn't completely work. So he pushes the thought of Harry touching him, out of his mind and he pretends like it's not even happening.

*****

This story is my own. So please be kind and not steal anything from it. :)