Your Secrets Safe With Me (Brallon)

Regret

I woke up on the floor of my bedroom with a sharp stinging in my shoulder. My mind went into a complete panic again, Brendon and I were supposed to go on a date last night, and I wasn't there. I began to frantically search for my phone so that I could call him and apologize for not being there. As I got up, I felt my shoulder rip, and blood began to leak from the cuts.

My phone had been lazily thrown onto my bed and had died in the night. I rushed to plug it in, worrying that Brendon was going to hate me because I had blown him off. The phone didn't turn on right away, and it made tears well up in my eyes. I was crying again, whoop-dee-do, that seemed like all I ever did now. Crying just seemed like the only thing to do, when there was nothing to do, you could always cry.

I needed to get out of my room; I felt trapped. Blood had soaked through my shirt now, but neither of my parents would notice or care. I quietly trudged down the stairs and into the kitchen. There was lots of food in there, but none of it looked appetizing. The thought of eating any of it just made me sick to my stomach. I just walked out of the kitchen and towards the front door, grabbing my hoodie on the war out to cover the blood stain on my shirt.

The air outside was heavy with humidity, and there was thick cloud coverage overhead, but yet I was still comfortable in a long sleeve jacket. My feet wanted to take me to Brendon's house, I wanted to see him, but I didn't think he wanted to see me. So, I instead wandered off into the tall grass and walked until I reached the spot where the grass flattened out. How many couples before us had sat on this patch of grass and watched the sun turn the grass to gold? How many of those couples lasted? Just like the sunset, all the couples ended, and I could feel Brendon, and I's sunset sinking below the horizon.

I had messed up. I had ruined any future that the two of us could have together. He was going to get sick of me now that I had become a weeping mess of a person. I had ruined everything, and he was going to hate me for it, even if I tried to explain he had no reason to forgive me. Collapsing down onto the grass, tears began to fall from my eyes again. Tears were always in my eyes, why couldn't I stop crying?

My mind wandered back to the first night I had taken him out here, the night we first kissed and when I asked him to be my boyfriend. I thought of the story of Ursa Major, how Callisto loved her son so much she forgot she was a bear when she saw Arcas. Arcas shot her because he panicked. I loved Brendon so much that when I saw him being hurt, I forgot that I was a bear. I did all the damage that Callisto could've done with the words I said. And Brendon was going to shoot me in the nose; I just had to be prepared that no one was going to help us get away to where we could just be with each other.

I had to get over myself and keep the hope that Brendon still liked me. Gathering myself up off the ground, I began to trudge back home to check my phone. How was I going to explain anything that I had done to him? Would he except that I had screwed up? I didn't want to lose him. I loved him.

When I got home and up into my room, I went straight to my phone. There were no texts, not from Brendon, not from anyone. Panic rose in me, either Brendon hated me so much that he didn't even want to talk to me or something really nasty had happened. I didn't think I could handle either of those options at this point.

Deciding to call him rather than text, I clicked on his contact and collapsed back onto the bed. It rang three times before going to voicemail. Begining to worry that something awful had happened to him, I called again. It rang three times and went to voicemail. I texted him, apologizing for everything and asking him to text me if needed help. It hurt me to think of him being in pain, and it made my blood boil up in my veins and my head pound.

The hours trudged by, each second going by slower and slower as I awaited Brendon's text or call. Panic and worry filled my mind; every possible "what-if" crossed my mind. I thought about driving over to his house and checking on him, but he might just be ignoring me. Would he do that to me? He could be mad at me all he liked, but I just wanted to make sure he was okay. Then an idea crossed my mind.