Strings in the Beginning (Abrupt Series #2)

EPISODE 15

EPISODE 15

Trigger Warning: Homophobia and offensive words.

"I'm only saying that you didn't have to share it with them."

He chuckled, and I immediately felt the sarcasm dripping from it. "You're making it a big deal. They're just kids, Nate. Posibleng mamaya o bukas, makakalimutan din nila 'yung sinabi ko. And why are you even mad about it?"

"Hindi ako galit," mariin kong sagot, my voice tense but controlled. "Ang punto ko lang, sana hindi mo na sinabi sa kanila 'yon. At sana alam mo na katabi mo lang ako."

I turned to him, making sure he saw the irritation in my expression. He kept his eyes on the road and his grip on the wheel steady, but I knew he could feel the weight of my emotions pressing against him.

"Sinabi ko bang ikaw 'yung tinutukoy ko?"

Napasinghap ako at kumurap upang intindihin ang tanong niya.

I let out a sharp breath. "Wow! Eh, sino pa bang tinutukoy mo?"

He exhaled through his nose and gripping the steering wheel tighter. "Ang ibig kong sabihin, sinagot ko ba ang pangalan mo nung tinanong niya ako kung sino 'yon? No, hindi ko sinabi. I just wanted to hear his thoughts, because Clyde's mind was wide. He's too mature for his age."

Huminga siya nang malalim bago saglit na lumingon sa akin, at nagtagpo ang mga mata namin. And it was pulling me into something I wasn't ready for.

"Ikaw na rin naman ang nagsabi, 'di ba? Na parang ako siya nung mga bata pa tayo." His voice softened. "And I agree. I really saw myself in him na handa siyang makipag-away para lang sa best friend niya. Na gagawin niya ang lahat para manatili silang magkaibigan."

His words settled between us like a truth I didn't want to hear.

Napalunok ako. Before I could stop myself, I looked away first to break the eye contact, feeling a dull ache in my chest.

"But the difference between you and Clyde," I murmured, my voice quieter, "is that you broke that promise."

I turned my attention outside, letting my eyes follow the glow of the moon in the dark sky, as if it could offer me clarity. "Hindi mo na ako kaibigan, Conrad. We're not the same anymore."

Silence.

The weight of everything unspoken, of everything buried in the past, draped between us.

Bumaling ulit ako sa kanya at bumuntong-hininga, as if he trying to clear the air, but I knew there was nothing left to clear.

"And I know it was my fault," I admitted, my voice was some kind of whisper. "Kasi kung hindi lang kita minahal noon... baka hanggang ngayon, magkaibigan pa rin tayo."

I forced out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. "But who knows?"

I shrugged, pretending like it didn't hurt.

And yet, when I glanced at him again, I wished I hadn't because Conrad wasn't looking at the road anymore.

He was looking at me. "I'm sorry, Nate."

Umiling naman kaagad ako at huminga ng malalim, baka sakaling maging maayos ang pakiramdam ko.

"Maybe I should sleep. Gisingin mo na lang ako kapag nakarating na tayo sa restaurant," tugon ko. Hindi ko alam kung mahaba pa ba ang magiging byahe namin but I rather take a nap dahil baka lumalala pa ang inis ko.

Wala na akong narinig mula sa kanya dahil naisipan ko nang tumalikod na lang habang hinihintay na dapuan ako ng antok.

Akala ko hindi na ako magagalt pa ulit sa kanya matapos kong marinig ang lahat ng rason niya nung nakaraan na nagsama kami. But when he brought the past and doing it just right beside me, bigla akong pinitik ng galit ko.