Strings in the Beginning (Abrupt Series #2)

EPISODE 12

He pressed his lips together, his shoulders heaving as he drew a shaky breath. Then he spoke again, softer this time as if the words themselves pained him.

"I left because I wanted you to unlove me while I'm gone. Kasi hindi ko kayang tanggapin no'n na mahal mo na pala ako simula pa lang nung mga bata tayo at... ayaw kitang masaktan dahil... sa kaibigan lang ang kaya kong ibigay sa 'yo."

Hindi ko maitatangging nagsisimula nang manikip ang dibdib ko habang pinapakinggan siya. I didn't listen to him since he came back because I refused all the time. Maybe this is the perfect moment upang mapakinggan siya.

Kahit ngayon lang.

"Nagulat ka ba no'n nung bigla kitang halikan?"

He tilted his head slightly after my question, looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite read. He nodded slowly, his lips pressing together in a thin line, as if hesitant to speak.

"Sobra... Nate. I didn't expect you to do that because I've always seen you as my brother." Bahagya siyangng napangiwi, tila inaalala ang bigat ng gabing iyon. "Kaya dinambaan agad kita ng suntok no'n." He shook his head, his eyes squeezing shut as if pushing away the memory.

Nangangati rin ang lalamunan ko habang unti-unting bumabalik ang alaalang iyon, ang mukha niyang galit na galit na walang habas akong sinusuntok sa harap ng mga taong nagkukumpulan.

"Sana mapatawad mo pa ako, Nate," he said in a voice so low and steady, it felt like a cold breeze brushing against my skin. "Hindi ko sinasadyang gawin 'yun sa 'yo, and I'm sorry kung ikaw ang napagbuntungan ko ng galit nung gabing 'yon."

"Wh-what do you mean, Conrad?" I asked a strange sensation pooling in me.

"Do you remember Dahlia?"

Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa kanya, dahil pilit kong inalala kung saan ko narinig ang pangalang iyon. It felt distant, unfamiliar.

"No... si-sino siya?" nauutal kong saad.

"She was my type on STEM A when we were in senior high. We had a relationship, but since I wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend that time, sinabi ko sa kanya na itago muna namin." A small, bitter smile crossed his lips as he glanced at the empty glass in front of him. Agad din naman niyang itinuon ulit sa akin ang tingin. "Tinago ko rin sa 'yo kahit alam kong magagalit ka dahil I shared almost everything about me with you."

He let out a soft sigh before continuing, "Pero nung gabing prom natin, I was actually going to confess to you na meron kaming relasyon ni Dahlia for almost three months. But then, she broke up with me... sa mismo ring gabing 'yon. At doon ko lang nalaman na meron pala siyang long-time boyfriend from another school here in Legazpi. And being mad and upset was the only thing I could do."

Bumaling siya sa akin, marahang kinakagat ang kanyang ibabang labi upang basain ito.

"Kaya kung naalala mo, mabilis kong kinuha ang kamay mo upang yakapin ka sa gitna. I just thought I needed your hug because you were the only one who could calm me down." Natigilan siya, at tila bigla niyang naalala ang sumunod na nangyari. "But you... you suddenly grabbed my head... and kissed me."

Para akong nawalan ng hangin sa loob ng katawan ko nang maging klaro ulit sa isipan ko ang ginawa ko. The memory resurfaced vividly because I did that in front of the person who's now sitting across from me tonight. 

The weight of it pressed down on my chest, making it hard for me to breathe.

I cleared my throat, trying to gather the courage to speak.

"Did you make that story by yourself?" alangang tanong ko dahil pakiramdam ko bigla ay hindi ako naniniwala.

Mabilis siyang umiling, kasabay ng isang mahinang pagtawa ngunit kahit sa tawang iyon, naramdaman ko ang lungkot na nakabalot dito.